A
female
age
36-40,
*ellabells
writes:my problem is that i been in and off/on relationship with this guy for 9 years we've been living together now for 2 years things where great at first.we are currently not together, but we live in the same house. i started looking for a place of my own and now that i found it, im unsure if i want to move. he keeps telling me to stay and not move. the reason why we decide to end things for good was because we didnt have respect for each other,we also had really bad arguments i felt unappreciated and we didnt spend much time together. so before things got worst we both agreed we were best as friends but now he is always telling me how he wants to marry and have children with me.im not sure if i should move out or try out it again. i love and care for this person so much but at times i feel his not the right person for me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, IamJess  +, writes (10 July 2012):
 If it was going to work it would of worked in the 9 years you spent with him, there's a reason you both broke up and decided your better as friends, it takes a while to get over and yeah you might want him back when your not together, but when you are together and don't appreciate each other, thats not good.
Thats not a healthy relationship, and there's someone right for you out there, you've found the place you'd like to move, now make the big step and do it, otherwise you'll always be trapped in something your not truely happy with.
A marriage can't be an on/off thing its a permenant thing, and your relationship doesn't sound like it could handle that.
A
female
reader, MissMax  +, writes (10 July 2012):
 It sounds as if you've already made up your mind. You shouldn't stay just because that's what HE wants. You have got to do what you need to do for you. If you feel he's not the right person for you, then chances are, he isn't. Good luck with being in your own place!
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A
male
reader, NinjaPleazzz +, writes (10 July 2012):
 clearly you and this guy have issues that need to be worked out. so firstly, if you stay please demand that you both get counseling of some sort, either individual or couples. that will be crucial because the arguing will not stop until you both perceive it and accept it as a problem or hindrance. Secondly, this guy and yourself are on totally different wavelengths. he is wanting marriage out of an act of desperation to save you from moving on because he is losing the "constant" from his life's equation. he and you seem to fear change, so embrace the move and gain clarity for yourself then you could gain some about the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): I don't normally respond to these posts, but I can identify somewhat with your story.You said you are unsure if you should try it out again. But, haven't you tried it again and again, then again, for 9 years?Aren't you frustrated that he seems to be chasing you when he fears losing you?Its about comfort. Your familiar to each other and that is something hard to loose. Yet, in the back of both of your minds you know that more years together is going to just be a long string of struggles over the same song and dance.I was in love with my best friend for 7 years. A few months ago, even our friendship fell apart. Often times in the past I had wished I walked away when things were 'solid' as friends, because I couldn't bear the idea of loosing things between us over something petty. Well, that did happen... and now I've had to be strong and let go, for good.Many times I wish to reach out to him because I miss our relationship and valued his input for most everything in my life. But what is the point if your the only one holding things together?It was rough at first, but I can honestly say after some time- I feel really liberated and a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. My future is wide open and I feel more ready to be 100% committed to someone else. And without relying on my "best friend".I think you should really consider moving out on your own and maintain just a friendship. Your young enough to start experiencing other people, other relationships, and to discover more of yourself. When you do, you start to see what more you could want in a relationship for yourself.My only concern for you is if you stay with your boyfriend, after already 9 years of being on/off and constant battle to keep it together... you loose yourself and become too dependent on someone else that other possibilities seem impossible.Am I making sense?You gave it your all. Now give yourself a new chance =)Wish you the best of luck!
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (10 July 2012):
 You answer all your own questions... So imagine this post
So I'm going to say to you
hi I'm Ellie
I lived with this guy he treated me so badly, now Ive taken the decision to move - he's not sure he wants to move in with me again. but he lived with me for two years now he wants children...
Now think of this...
Hi I'm Ellie
I have met this wonderful man, he makes me happy, he has even asked me to move in with him, he knows I want children in the future and has talked about this
The second is where you need to be. I've been accused of being harsh before but, when I hear we don't have respect for each other I suggest lady you get your trainers on!!! Better to be single in my opinion than miserable
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