A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my fiance since we were 16 years old we are now 31. we have 2 kids together and in April he proposed. As much as I love him and he really is the love of my life. I feel I have always bent over backwards for him. We had one incident before kids technically he didn't physically cheat but there were some photos found on his phone but either way I forgave him and we moved on. We have been living together since we were 21 with our first child and his mom. It has not been easy living with his mom for the past 10 years. So I feel like she baby's him like if I work she will watch the kids so he can sleep in a little. She makes him breakfast if I'm not here. I'm totally grateful she watches the kids while I'm at work but I also feel like I leave my kids with there dad and if she wants to step in and help him because it's his mom that's her deal. The moment I leave or enter the door those kids are mine. I don't have ANY alone time. I'm lucky if I can use the restroom alone. While my fiance is free to do anything. Unfortunately with our schedule is hard to see each other if we are not off. Another thing he always stays up till 4Am his a night owl and I'm a morning person. I always wonder what can keep him up at night for so long. Since he falls asleep late he wakes up afternoon or later. I feel like he is very comfortable but I feel like a single mom in a "relationship" doing everything and I feel alone alot of the time due to our work schedule. I recently asked him if we can move to my parents so I can be free and comfortable. He said yes but he has put alot of restrictions like I can't leave the kids with my mom so I can go work out. Supposedly he would watch the kids for me. ( this has never happened in the last 10 years now why would it happen) ? There has been a lot of things my mother in law has done that I was not okay with but I bite my tongue and stayed quiet. I think she should stop babying him and let him watch his kids ! I'm very upset that he has put rules if we move to my parents. I need help and he doesn't help me because his mom helps him. I'm so stressed because I really love him but I'm tired of putting other people feeling before mine. also I don't want to hurt my kids because I'm selfish by putting me first ? I don't know if I want to continue living with his mom and him ? or should I leave ? if I leave and he wouldn't chase me I would be very sad because I have done so much for him that I honestly feel I have stayed in this relationship that's why he is here. because I have always been here ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2023): What an awful life you have chosen for yourself. Are you too lazy to make it better? It takes effort and money to have a good life. Very often people are short of money because they don't try hard enough to save or earn some. I feel very sorry for your poor kids.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2023): You have 3 kids.
So you need to grow up.
BOTH of you and move out.
He will not cange unless you ask him to, and maybe not even then. He as it good. He does nothing. He has TWO moters.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2023): So he doesn’t work?? And you are the sole provider ? I would not stay with him only based on this fact. As far as his mom watching your kids . Of course she will . Most men are not up for babysitting . And as a woman of course she will step in
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (25 June 2023):
 The best thing that the two of you would be to move out and be on your own if at all possible. That might stop alot of the problems.I would imagine its rather uncomfortable living with family especially having 2 kids.
To answer your question about your partner. A mama's boy will almost always stay a mama's boy. How do I know? I married one. My husband was the baby of the family and lived with his parents until we got married. He was 33. His mother and him were extremely close. I was lucky because my MIL was one of the sweetest women I have ever met in my life. She treated me just like her daughter and I loved her dearly. Yes she spoiled her son and she told me that from the start. That never changed but because she was so kind to me I never minded. She would often take my side over her own son! The point is though...don't expect your partner to change. I will say it until I am blue in the face..people don't like change! They don't want to change! Don't expect them to change because most of the time they won't.
So figure out what you can deal with, try to make things better..remember you have 2 children that your decision will directly affect. Your partner SHOULD be taking care of the kids..not his mom! At the age you two are..its confusing why you are depending on the families so much.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 June 2023):
 OP,
Why do you guys HAVE to live with either his mom or your parents?
I mean, I get it's nice to have "built in childcare" but have you two ever lived by yourselves with the kids? Your MIL and parents can still look after the kids if needed but the kids are YOUR and YOUR partner's responsibility.
But if you for whatever reason can not live by yourselves as a family and HAVE to live with your parents, WHY does he get to dictate what help and when you can accept help from your mom?
"He said yes but he has put alot of restrictions like I can't leave the kids with my mom so I can go work out. "
I would ask him why this is a rule. As HE certainly does not follow that rule at his mom's.
"The moment I leave or enter the door those kids are mine. I don't have ANY alone time. "
Guess what OP, THEY ARE YOUR kids!
If you come home and need a shower and your partner is there, sleeping or whatnot, HAND the kids to him, or wake him up letting him know, hey I need to shower, you entertain the kids.
You are BOTH 31!!with 2 kids~
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