A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. He wants me to move in with him, but my family don't really like him and don't want me to. They say that I'm too young and that they don't think I'm ready. I originally said yes but when I told my Mam she kicked off and we had a huge row, I then told my boyfriend I had changed my mind and he kicked off with me for messing him about. It is now at the point where my mam thinks I should wait and my boyfriend says he is not being messed around anymore I move in or it's over. I feel totally emotionally drained and torn between the most important people in my life. I feel like I am being asked to choose. I need some urgent advice because I don't know what to do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (30 September 2008):
This doesnt sound good.
So your bf wants you to move in with him right? Why is that? Is it because he wants to commit to you?
If this is the case then I find it very hard to beleive in his commitment to you if he cant threaten to break up with you because you arent ready to move in with him yet.
Yes I understand he must be frustrated beause at first you agreed then changed your mind, but if he is serious about you and loves you, then he wont threaten to break up with you.
I get a bad feeling about your bf. He seems to me to be about power and control.
If he respected you and your relationship with your mother, he would not make you choose between them, he would not put you in such a difficult position. A decent boyfriend would say 'i love you and am willing to wait for you to move in with me until you and your mother can both agree and be happy'.
Not living with you is not a big deal, not enough to break up over. So this is why I think he has some power and control issues. It wouldnt suprise me that the reason he wants you to move in with him is so he can have more control over you and yo uwill see less of the people who care most about you, like your mother.
Be careful. Make him wait. If he is a decent guy, he will respect you and your mother and he will wait. As the saying goes 'true love waits'.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 September 2008):
I'm going to disagree with hlskitten.
At your age it is perfectly east to be committed to some one without moving in together.
It's SO Hard moving in with someone and dealing with bills and buying everything and working out who is going to do the washing up and clean the loo.
Plus at your age, how would you be able to afford rent on a decent place?
Tell him you want to be with him and are committed to him but feel that moving in is too big a step to take right now.
He shouldn't be pressuring you like this. If he really wanted you to be happy he wouldn't be putting you in this situation.
Why can't he move out by himself? Then you can go and stay over a couple of nights a week.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): Why is it so urgent that you must move in with him...or else he'll break up with you?...it just sounds like he is being selfish...you are too young to be rushed into something like this...it is really a big deal..and once some people move in together so young they usually have problems or they just don't make it...just wait until you think that you are ready...and if he breaks up with you then find someone who will respect your wishes better..
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (30 September 2008):
 If you dont love the guy enough to put him before your parents, then i reakon you should let him go. He's been with you 5 yrs and wants a commitment. Thats normal, and 5 yrs is a long time to date before moving in together. Not many wait that long.
He has now said you both commit or move on basically. Thats a fair enough decision he has come to about his life.
The ball is now in your court and he wants you to make a decision for your life.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): Why do your family not like him? is there a reason? are your family quite controlling or are they looking out for your best intrest? Think about these questions.
I know I would only do that if I felt that the partner wasn't right for my sister/brother. Maybe they see things you don't? but if you know you two have a good relationship and he treats you right, then move in with him, your family will stick by you no matter what.
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