A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey :) I moved away from home 4.5 years ago to come to uni. Although i finished uni in 2010, I ended up staying here. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year but we dont live together. I live with a friend, but my boyfriend and I are trying to save for a mortgage. Ive always missed my family living here (its about 2 hours away), but recently Ive been missing them SO much more. I think its because ive been thinking about the future - i cant just pop over and see my mum when i want, and when i have children they wont see their grandparents very often, and my parents will miss out on seeing them grow up. Right now im just finding it so hard to be away from them. If im honest with myself, I would move back home if it wasnt for my boyfriend. But i dont want to leave him as our relationship is fine, which makes it even harder. He has already told me he wouldnt want to move from his hometown, which is fair enough. Im just really worried about the future and really struggling at the mo. If i move home, ive got my family, friends, and when i have children they can see them all the time, and i can make the most of the time i have with them. But that also means me and my boyfriend would split, and I really dont want that - for all i know, i might never meet anyone like him again and i might regret throwing it away. Im so torn. Any thoughts would be appreciated :) x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (23 February 2012):
 Are there plenty of good jobs where your parents are? If so - I suggest you move back home.
I was in a similar situation a few years ago, when I finished uni I chose to stay with my boyfriend and we moved in together, rather than me moving back home to my parents. I missed them loads, and once I moved in with my boyfriend our relationship went from perfect to awful and we eventually split up.
I wish I had the chance to move back home to be closer to my parents, unfortunately there are no jobs for me in that area that match my skills so I have had to remain living away from them in a different city. All my friends are back in my parents town, and I do miss them all so much. If there were jobs there I would move back in a flash.
I am now happy in another city about an hour and a half away from my friends and family, with a lovely boyfriend, but even still it is too far for me to visit frequently.
So if you have the opportunity to go back home, and get a good job there, then I say you should definitely go for it. You can try an LDR with your boyfriend, and if that doesnt work there are plenty of other lovely guys out there, he isnt the only one. But you only have one family, and only one set of close friends (normally) so being near to them is more important than a relationship at your age.
At the end of the day family and friends are so important, there will be there for you thick and thin. You are still young so you will meet someone else, it might take a while but there are loads of men out there so you are not going to end up alone because of this one decision. Relationships come and go, but family and friends are always there.
If I had my time again I know what I would do, I know I might not have ended up with my career that I have now but I would be with the people I really care about.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2012): This must be a common problem at the end of Uni. I know 2 of my kids had choices to make.Both put career first and went where they could work,one ended a relationship to do it. A long way from me yes, but not too far to do a day trip to visit or them to visit for weekends, or to phone etc Yes we miss being close by and they miss their whole family but for now, its career first.
Whats your job situation and did you go to Uni to get a good career or to pass the time till you married and had kids?
As for your relationship, when does he finish Uni - and has he career plans or just wants to move back home and take it from there?
Ask him - how he would feel if you went home now, if he would visit, carry on a LDR?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 February 2012):
 2 hours is not a long time. Here where I live some folks commute 90 minutes each way to work...
I just finished and LDR where we were 2 hours apart by car. Once we got serious, we saw each other every weekend....
IF the only issue you have is that you are 2 hours away from your biological family, I would counsel you to really consider staying.
People grow and move on... staying tied physically to your family is not necessary.... and like I said 2 hours is really not that long...
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (23 February 2012):
 Uni relationships are always strained once the courses finish. People go their separate ways and things get tough.
Right now, you have to make a decision.
Your home town, or his home town. He wont move, you want to be closer to your family. If you both move to be near your family, he is far away from his.
Are your life goals similar, do you want the same thing in life, are you looking at a shared future, or will you always be givig in to what he wants?
You need to think about what is best for YOU. If you wish to live near your family, but he doesnt want to move, then what is more important. Your family, or your relationship?
Could there be a compromise? Living mid-way between the two?
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