A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So this is probably like the most unimportant question of all time but I seriously don’t know what to do. So basically I had been talking to this guy for a few weeks and it was going really well, we had a lot of cute banter and flirting and a really good rapport, finally we decided to go on a date and I though it went pretty well, there were no awkward silences and he was complimenting me and even asked for a second date within the first half hour. I find it really difficult to like a guy as I am so fussy and so picky but this was the first date I have ever been on where I had not one thing to complain about. Anyway we went back to his and hung out for a while and ended up making out on the sofa (he did suggest more but I was on my period and I would’ve explained but he immediately saw my hesitation and said it’s fine), moving on we made out some more then it got pretty late and he had work in the morning, so he booked me an Uber home. The next day he messaged me saying ‘had fun’ with two kiss face emojis he also mentioned waking up late, I replied saying oh I feel bad as I kept him up and how work was. He didn’t reply for a few hours when he did he mentioned work was grim and asked me how I was. I replied saying I’m good just with family and something else about him working. He didn’t reply for a whole day, the next day I knew he was getting his knee brace removed so I messaged letting him now I hope it goes well, still no reply. It’s now been three days without him saying anything and I know I’m not blocked because I can see when he’s online.I hate being the stalker is type girl but after my ex I never thought I’d have feelings for anyone again and usually I go on countless good dates but don’t feel anything, but with him, I can’t get him out of my head. I guess the question is: Should I message him and find out what’s wrong? As everything was going so well or do I just move on and except it’s something that’s not going to happen.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2018): This is a no brainer. I can tell you straight away what's wrong". He was just interested in sex. Really. That's it. You didn't have sex with him, so he doesnt want to invest more of his time on you. But you wouldn't have had a chance with him even if you did sleep with him, which is what most girls your age don't get. When a guy is just looking for sex, he is just looking for sex. You can never use sex to get a guy to fall in love, or commit, or whatever. If you had sex with him, he'd be treating you the same way as he currently is. It doesnt matter what he tells you in words. What matters is his actions. He asked you for a second date, but did he actually arrange for a second date? No. Did he call you the next day to arrange the second date? No. It's been several days no, and he's not at all seemed interested in a second date. So it's fair to say, he never wanted a second date. But look at what he DID do: invite you back to his place. Made out with you. Wanted more. Separate words from actions here, and it becomes as clear as day. He is not interested in dating you, he just wanted sex. Time to move on to the next guy! And next time, pass up on going back to someones place, and definitely no sex before you're in an official relationship. That's my number one rule, and it works brilliantly to weed out the players from the serious guys.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 February 2018):
 I agree with Ycnbs and N91,
I wouldn't text him. You know he is fine (as he is online) but he has CHOSEN to not contact you.
I would NOT reach out to see what's "wrong". YOU didn't do anything wrong here (per se) except go HOME with a guy you didn't really know. Don't go home with a guy you have talked to a little and had ONE date with. While i might FEEL like you know him, you really don't.
I think he was hoping for you to be a hook-up not someone he would have to invest too much time in before having sex.
If that is NOT what you are looking for... DO NOT go home with guys. While you can ALWAYS say not, not everyone is going to RESPECT that. It can put you in an UNSAFE situation.
The reason you are thinking about this one, is because he has ghosted you for 3 days and you don't know why.
If you REALLY like someone you are not going to ghost them.
I'd be weary if he starts to contact you again in a week or two, just to see if you are willing by then for hooking up.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (21 February 2018):
 I'd have to agree that I think this guy probably isn't your best bet going forward.
If he's doing this after a few weeks it really doesn't bode well for the future. What kind of person that likes someone else doesn't reply for 3 days? Not the greatest way to show interest is it?
I think he was just after an easy lay also, otherwise:
1. I don't think he would of asked
2. He wouldn't be keeping you in the lurch
Personally I would take this guys response as how interested he is and block him and move on.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 February 2018):
 I would proceed with caution on this one. Someone who blows hot and cold like this is either playing games or has some sort of issues.
Given that you really liked him, I see no harm in messaging him. Perhaps just a light "Hi, how are you doing? How's the knee?" type of thing? However, someone who appears that keen one minute, then doesn't bother messaging for three days, is unlikely to be on the same page as you when it comes to your budding relationship.
I think it was lucky you WERE on your period, otherwise it sounds like you would have had sex with this guy you had only just met. Think how much worse you would be feeling now if you had had sex with him and he suddenly went quiet on you. It could be that he was just after a quick hook up and, as you were reluctant to go there, decided there was easier prey out there.
NEVER feel you have to have a reason or make an excuse for not having sex (like you were going to explain to him about your period). A simple "No" should be sufficient. It is YOUR body, YOUR choice.
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