A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am unsure about my sexuality but right now I think I want to identify as gay. I just now realised that I do not I have a problem with coming out of the closest instead I have a problem with answering the endless questions people will have once I do especially about my past relationships with women (horrible and scarring). I want to make deeper friendships with people and I think I need to come out to help do this but how do I get closer if I don't want to answer their questions. I do not want to answer questions that I still do not know the answers to and find uncomfortable. How can I come out knowing friends and family will have questions but I do not want to to answer any of them? Does this make sense to you? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2018): If you feel like coming out, do it. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for who you are and what or who you like or prefer. If I was gay, I wouldn’t even bother announcing it to everyone, simply because it’s really none of their business anyway. You be you, because we’re all equal, no matter what words or looks anyone ever gives us.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2018): BTW, not being sure you're gay is about as sensible as being a little-bit pregnant. Either you are, or you aren't. There is no gray-area. It's a matter of coming to terms with it.
If you like men romantically and want to have sex with them, you are gay. If you like sex with men and women (you can have a preference of one over the other); then you are bisexual.
If you just haven't accepted the fact you're gay, but still have sexual-attraction to men; you're still in the closet. Maybe that will clear things up for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2018): Heterosexuals don't have to explain their sexual-orientation and neither do you. People can have questions, you can set boundaries as to how personal those questions can get. Are you that timid or passive that you can't draw the line?
Coming-out doesn't necessarily mean driving down Main Street with a rainbow flag and a sign proclaiming to all the world that you're gay. Your sexuality and sexual-orientation is as private as it is for anyone else. You share what you want to share with whomever you choose. Straight-people do not have to explain why they like the opposite-sex and explain what they do in bed to anyone. What on earth makes you think you have to???
Come to terms with your own sexuality. Learn to live with whom you are; and the rest falls into place. Stop letting your sexuality define who you are. You're the same guy you've always been, and perhaps you're adding a bit of drama to all of this.
If someone randomly asks your social security number, or your bank PIN number, do you feel compelled to tell them?
Coming out doesn't have to be the shocking news at the Thanksgiving dinner table, you don't have to bring home your first boyfriend and rub everybody's nose in it.
You can slowly reveal who you are to those you love and trust; and only the people you feel comfortable with. The rest of the mainstream-world is disinterested with your sexual-orientation; and they couldn't care less! Unless you're a celebrity in the closet, and you get outed by the tabloids.
If people ask inappropriate questions that are too personal; "man-up" and let them know that the questions are too personal. What's so hard about that?
I lost my virginity to a female. I had sex with women thereafter. I've always preferred men, and I identify myself as a gay man. I no longer have sex with women. No further explanation necessary. That's just me!
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A
male
reader, liddel +, writes (21 February 2018):
To what end? Apparently your past relationships have not gone well. Why then do you feel a need to announce your sexuality? Particularly since it is something you are not sure about. How specifically is it you want to come out? "I think I'm gay but I'm not sure but don't ask any questions."
If you truly decide you want to be gay and be known as a gay man, then do it. Before you know it, you will have a bunch of gay friends and more prospects that will go better.
Otherwise, why do it if you're uncertain about your sexuality? If you become particularly close to a friend, you can mention your dilemma.
Otherwise, you friends and family are going to want to ask questions.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 February 2018):
 Just tell them what you said here, that you're still finding your way and can't answer questions about things.
Eventually, if you want deeper friendships, you have to show a little emotional intimacy yourself. People don't usually like to rush to asking obviously painful questions, but the "how long have you known" or "when did you realize you were gay?" will most likely be asked. It's okay!
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A
male
reader, AMC  +, writes (21 February 2018):
Do you feel that coming out is the only answer at the moment? If you still feel unsure about your sexuality, wouldn't it be better to hang off coming out until you are sure? Or if you feel you really need to, then are there certain people who you feel more comfortable doing it with first, then it might be easier with others after. Also remember, you have no obligation to answer anyone's questions, so if you feel uncomfortable make it clear that you don't want to discuss anything or answer awkward questions.
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