A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really need your help..this is really killing me!i feel for my friends and he knows how i feel i told him about 7months ago...after i told him i didnt keep in touch with him but he did with me mainly through text messages etc..then one day he calls me and after that i started putting in effort to stay in touch.we have always been close friends and been able to tell each other anything and everything since we met. in fact he told me everything about himself on my first day at work with him!! he asked me out on my last day...the date never happend..in fact no dates ever happened coz wen it came to it either one of us had a reason so we couldnt make..it wasnt excuses...think after a while for him i became more a friend but to me i started falling for him..he was someone i always relied on.well he called me few weeks ago tellin me he quit his job (he lived in another city) he is now back home only few minutes away from me...but that day he called me at 9am and i was sleeping and i sed coz had wedding etc so bn busy so am tired..well he asked wen i was gettin married...told him that i had spokne to my parents and agreed not yet! he then told me his parents are sayin about marriage to him..he then told me he was seeing someone but it didnt work out! but i know he still into her coz of the way he was speakin about her...i think they are still friends or they might even have got back together now...coz this is were my obsession is...facebook and his email account (yes i know his password for his email...he gave it to me coz he was having problems about year ago..i havent forgotten it...but it was only until recently that i logged onto his account)...i know its bad ive invaded his privacy..and its not something i feel good about!please tell what to do...i know for a fact that neither one of us want to cut each other out of each other lives...but what do i do??do u think i should meet up with him..we aint seen each other since last aug..coz he moved at that time! speak to him...see if he tells me anything more about this girl etc...i know for sure they are still speakin to each other but i jsut dont know anything else!any suggesstions would be great...i need to know for sure whats happening with this girl before i can really move on even though i know wot ur tinkin that he still went into a relationship with someone even though he knw how i felt about him...but the guy cant let go of me either even as a friend
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your answers. well yest we spoke on the fone and he mentioned the girl but he said my friend..and i said yeah you told me about her last week! so are they just friends now..i still dont know! he seems to a lot more approachable then when he first told me about her..i didnt ask too many Qs.i suggested that we should meet up and he said yeh defo but we didnt set anything or make any arrnagements..he asked me what i was doing and i told him i was off to the gym in a while. so we spoke about gym and he said that he wants to come too next time i go..i said thats kool il let you know next time i go etc...he asked which gym i go to and where it is and as i was explaining it to him..he kept on sayin he doesnt know where all these places are...then i said gosh where the f*** do u live//he then sed he was jokin he knows where it is...he said calling me this name..he hasnt used since we first met!! i really dont whats happening with him...and i know until we meet and if there is that connection/feeling then we/me can decide what to do!i will keep you updated
A
female
reader, Deema  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 What a lot of confusion here. A lot of people involved too. Think there needs to be a lot of communication going between the 2 of you instead of all the guess work. You both need to come clean about what you want. If you think that will scare him off, well better to find that out than be forever wondering, cus if he scares off he never wanted to be around anyway. Can't be right you marrying someone else with all those doubts. A good friend of mine told me 'when in doubt, do nowt' - an old english term for nothing, always seems to work for me.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 I'm not going to harp on you about the email thing - it's done and can't be undone. What is curious though is that you've kind of assumed that he moved on while knowing you still had an interest in him. To me, it seems like you guys kept missing each other (canceled dates, distance, etc.) and weren't able to be face-to-face.
It seems to me that you need to make and express effort to see him soon before you get married... get it out of your system and see if there are lingering feelings there that you need to deal with BEFORE you say "I do". Regret is a bad thing to carry forward into a marriage, don't you think?
Good luck with all this!
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