A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! I'm new here and I really want to thank you in advance for your advices. I'm kinda in a big problem because of my confused feelings. I'm sorry if this story is too long, I'm trying to shorten it as much as I can.I met this guy (DB) on facebook, he requested my friendship. I saw we had like 10 mutual friends, so I accepted. When I logged into my Y!Messenger account I saw him again adding me. I found out one of my ex-schoolmates gave him my ID, they're friends and she said he's a nice guy and I should meet him. I was skeptical because I'm not that desperate to meet any stranger. I talked with him a lot and he's actually okay, but he's so not the right guy. He smokes and parties, but I wasn't that surprised because that's exactly how my friend is. He told me he likes my personality and the way I think, that I'm not conventional and I'm different from other girls, and I kinda like his personality too, but I don't know if I should meet him in real life nor if I want something with him. I'm so confused, a part of me wants a boyfriend and another part wants friendship. I know I have to meet him even if I only want him to be my friend, but I'm afraid because sometimes he's hitting on me and I don't know how to act, I like him but I don't at the same time. Also, if I meet him he'd probably expect me to be taller (I'm only 5'1) and that would make me uncomfortable. What should I do? To meet him or not? Should I tell him I'm short so he doesn't have other expectations? What should I tell my mom if I'm going to meet him? I haven't told her about DB yet, and I don't want her to think I'm weird or something. Thanks again everybody for your time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): If you get involved with him then you will have . . . a relationship with the wrong kind of guy for you. And then you will get attached, because that's what happens in these situations. Pretty soon you will be complaining about all the problems the relationship has. You will be saying "but I love him!" whenever someone proposes the logical solution to just break up with him.
Staying out of bad relationships is about avoiding them before they start. Unfixable problems don't become fixable just because the couple is attached to each other. That is fantasy.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 Okay, let's consider what you have told us:
You're skeptical about him because you're not desperate to meet any stranger. Very sensible of you!
You don't like that he smokes and parties, which you are not into, and he is very different to you - "so not the right guy"
He said he likes your personality and the way you think. That may be flattering, but he doesn't know you! I'd be very cautious of comments like this, if I were you. Boys can say anything to get what they want, and you need to be aware of that. Let me further add: if you and he were more alike, had met in person and chatted a number of times, THEN you could have a better idea of how sincere he was in saying stuff like that.
"Sometimes he's hitting on me." Now that's a big neon warning sign to you!
"I have to meet him even if I want only want him to be my friend." Uh uh. NO, you DON'T have to meet him! The fact that he hits on you bears that out........
"A part of me wants a boyfriend, and part of me wants friendship." That's perfectly natural, but hey, don't be in too much of a rush! At 16 or 17, you have plenty of time to meet a nice young man who will be a good friend as well as a considerate boyfriend. Someone you will feel comfortable with talking and getting to know one another. A boy who WON'T try to pressure you into doing something you'd rather not! Someone you can respect, enjoy his company, and who respects you and likes spending time together.
There are fellas like that around, and it's worth it not to settle for less!
Hope this helps.
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