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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Been with a guy for over 5 years. Recently moved in together. Smooth sailing, no big issues, no big fights. Planning on having a baby in the next few years. He's a man you can trust. I know he's there for me and he's been showing me nothing but love, devotion and undivided attention since day one. Okay. I've had this friend I've known for a couple of years: he's the male version of me, we have so much in common and he's just mindblowingly cool. We used to hang out, watch movies and just talk talk talk and didn't even feel time was passing by. Then he moved abroad (the town where we live just sucks and I hate it too) for work and since then we've been emailing and talking pretty regularly. A couple of months ago we just said it clearly that we're in love with each other and now we both know that I should quit my job, my own house and leave my bf to be with him. I'm torn apart now, tough, because that would mean giving up a life which has been already planned out for a guy who gives me butterflies in my stomach and makes my head spin. But then, what if it doesn't work out? What if I find myself aroad, jobless and boyfriend-less? What if my current bf is the love of my life and this other guy is just a fling? How do I tell? I can't think straoght anymore here...
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): It can take one day to meet the one you're supposed to be with, but a lifetime to be with them. Do you really want to wait a lifetime? Sounds to me like you've met the one you're meant to be with, and its not your current boyfriend.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 Go with the man who gives you butterflies. Sure, it might not work, and you might be better off as friends, or you might not even get back as friends after the breakup since passionate relationships also often involve heated and passionate arguments.
But, you live once, and if you don't take the plunge and take a few risks you'll look back and regret it.
Your current boyfriend is safe as a job in the public services, and equally unexciting. He'll be the perfect man for someone else. But if he was perfect for YOU you wouldn't have been falling in love with someone else, let alone plan to leave him. If he was the love of your life, after 5 years, you would have KNOWN by now, and not at all be uncertain about your decision. You're just scared, because he's safety in a bank box, and you're about to withdraw all your money and take the trip of your life not knowing where it will take you.
But, you only live once.
PS. I think your current relationship sounds lovely, and is what any girl would want. However it hasn't been able to make you happy/you don't know how to appreciate it, and you seek something else. It isn't fair on your boyfriend to keep him as a second option and safety spot, while you secretly dream of someone else. Respect your boyfriend enough to let him go and find someone who wants HIM and no one else. Doesn't mean you're a bad person, just means you weren't the one for him, and he needs to be told instead of being stringed along for the ride.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): What you have now is something solid, reliable and safe. You are tempted by an alternative that has excitement but risks. It is a hard one because whichever way you go you may have regrets. But look at your present boyfriend and your life - would you be happy with your lot if this alternative had not presented itself? If yes, stay. This other relationship could blaze briefly then fizzle out. There is a lot to be said for a settled comfortable life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): Option 1) Stay where you are and cherish what you have and make it work.
Option 2) follow your heart- is it better to have loved & lost than live without ever knowing what would have been!
Although others feelings are at risk it maybe you have to put yourself first and make decision based on your own happiness!
My vote is option 2- but then i'm a bit crazy!!
Good luck with whatever you decide.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 The current guy is a good guy. He takes care of you, you have your future planned out. Seems to me that you are bored with whatever you have. You want some excitement, you love the all-too-heady butterflies feelings. Well guess what? Roses lose their bloom. So do relationships.
Everything's new now, the familiar feeling of new love has you enraptured. You hate the town where you live and the new guy in the exciting town seems too good to be true. But the new guy will become stale some day and so will the new town. What do you do then?
Read something once which makes a lot of sense. "Never leave a party where you're having a good time, to go to another party where you think you will have a better time. "
What if the second relationship doesnt work out?Do you think it will still be as romantic?
Maybe you need some space from your current BF too, and you need to think about what you really want. Its not fair to him, that you're doing all this behind his back, while he has no clue about what's going on in your head. Dont play games with anyone and dont always think about me, me, me. Its not always only about you, there's someone else with you in a committed relationship. How would you feel if your BF was doing this to you right now? Toying with the possibility of being with a more exciting girl, while you were trying to be the best that you could be, for him? You have all the love, affection and attention that any girl would want, yet you're not happy. Take what you have now and cherish it, before everything slips away.
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