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female
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anonymous
writes: Should I try to spark a relationship with an old crush??So, I find myself a single mother at age 28. I was married for 5 yrs and was 6 mos. pregnant when my husband and I separated. It has almost been a year since our relationship has been over. I have been out on a few dates with one man but I know already that I do not want to carry anything on long term with him. I find myself thinking about the guy that I never dated but feel that I should have. Our history is as follows, we met when I was 17 and he was 18. I was initially interested in him but we became really good friends, after a year of hanging out he wanted to pursue the friendship further but at that point I didn't want anything serious and valued our friendship so much that I turned him down, within 4 months he and I started to grow apart. He even admitted to my sister that he loved me. We kept in touch throughout college and one month before I met my husband I went to visit him and confess my feelings for him---he had a girlfriend so I didn't do it.It is weird because two years after I was married I visited with this friend but nothing would ever be discussed or happen as I was faithful to my husband through out our marriage, but I still cared about this other guy and knew it wouldn't be a good idea to regularly communicate with him.It comes in waves, my thinking of this guy. We haven't spoken since fall of 2002. We even live clear across the country from one another. So I emailed him the other day. I got a response within one day. All the feelings I had before, come back. HOW DO I PROCEED? How and when do I confess my feelings towards him? My gut says take it slow and get to know him again. How do I know if he still feels anything?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response, actually, I am going to visit my mother this summer and he still lives around 2 hrs away from her. He is already interested in meeting up while I am there. I haven't told him that I am divorced yet. I know I want him back in my life and that I could be myself around him and he liked me for me, no games, plus he always treated me with respect. I have just never been really aggressive in pursuing relationships and I certainly don't want him to think that he is some rebound guy. Anyhow, thanks for the response.
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reader, jo_betty_smith  +, writes (22 April 2006):
 I think you should just be honest with him, but don't go too full on as it has been a while since you've seen him.
You mentioned that you didn't say anything to him years ago because you didn't want to ruin the friendship, so in a way you are in a much better position to say something to him now because it seems like that friendship isn't the same as it used to be so you've got nothing to really lose this time round.
If it were me, I would approach it by telling him that you find yourself thinking of him from time to time and that he's always been in your thoughts throughout the years. Tell him that you'd really like to see him again.
I'm sure it's been the same for him in that he's often thought of you. How keen he is to see you again will give you an indication of whether he still feels anything for you. Then just meet up with him again, and see what's there. I think it would be a good idea for you to see him before admitting to having any romantic feelings towards him as it will give you a chance to be sure in your own mind that all that you think is there actually is there between you.
I think you are right in that you should take it slow initially, but once you've seen him again and when you feel comfortable around him again, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't admit the full strength of your feelings for him. He'll probably be incredibly happy to hear it. But yes, like you said really, best to hold off for a little while until you've got a good idea of how he might react to it and also his current relationship status.
It sounds fairly meant-to-be between the two of you, so I hope that things all work out! Keep us updated.
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