A
female
age
36-40,
*ummy85
writes:So I met a guy about 14 years ago and was instantly attracted to him. He had a girlfriend at the time and I had just got into a new relationship too. I’m not going to lie there was one or 2 nights we hooked up and did things we shouldn’t of (everything but sex). He broke up with his gf shortly after although not because of us but I chose to stay with my boyfriend and we brought a home together and have 2 children. This guy and I are in the same circle of friends so over the last 14years we have spent time together on nights out etc and we get on so well. Other friends also pick up on our chemistry So my relationship has now broken down. My boyfriend was having an affair so we have broken up and he has moved out. Obviously we are in the process of sorting out our home and arrangements re the children. The guy in question since hearing about this has messaged me on WhatsApp asking to hook up and told me he has always liked me. One particular evening he was practically begging to come round to have sex with me, sending me lots of nude pics etc. I told him no as my children were home but if they weren’t I think I might have let him!The next day he messaged me again and said he was sorry and he had had a few too many to drink and didn’t want to ruin our friendship by having sex. I was gutted but played it cool. Then a few days later after he had been to the pub he was messaging me again and being really flirty and telling me he wanted to have sex with me. So my question is do you think he is really in to me or does he just want sex? If I’m honest I’m not sure I want a relationship with him I would be happy to just have sex and a bit of fun with him. I know his dating history and I know he has cheated in the past so I wouldn’t trust him as a boyfriend. I just feel like there has been sexual tension for 14 yrs now and Even if it is just a one night stand I feel like it needs to happen. Or should I leave it and value the friendship more like he says?Also one thing I missed out with is very important. Around the time I broke up with my boyfriend this guy has just started a new relationship so he isn’t single now. As I said earlier this is why I wouldn’t want a relationship with him as I couldn’t trust him as he is already cheating on his new gf by texting me and sending me nude pics but do I wait for that to end then just have sex with him? I can’t stop thinking about him. I feel like I’ve waiting 14years to get my hands on him!
View related questions:
affair, broke up, flirt, friend with benefits, moved out, one night stand, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2019): Male Anon, she attracts this type of man because she has a vulnerability/weakness. And they exploit it to their advantage. Unfaithful men know exactly WHO to go after. Single moms, the ones just out of relationships, the ones whose partner neglects them, the ones who need to feel special, who haven't grown up yet or know their worth. Unfaithful men are predators.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2019): You are the type of woman who attracts unfaithful men. It has to do with your upbringing or your personality. Until you figure out why you are attracted to this type of man that you’re going to be very unhappy
...............................
A
female
reader, mummy85 +, writes (2 May 2019):
mummy85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. You are a feisty bunch I must say!
I have 100% taken your advice on board. I know you are all right and actually once I’d had sex with him I think I’d miss our sexual tension and flirty banter as it wouldn’t be there anymore! I genuinely love him as a friend and want nothing but happiness for him so changing our relationship would ruin that
Again thank you. I will continue to concentrate on my children, whom of course have always been my priority
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2019): You are going to regret it if you do. You have feelings and they will only grow when you have a sexual relationship with this jerk. In the end, he won't feel the same. The relationship will never progress and you will be desperate and then destroyed by a love he will never give you. He will be happy going from girl to girl. And you'll be broken. DON'T go down this road.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2019): You're in a vulnerable state right-now. You're a single-mom who has broken-up with her boyfriend. He cheated on you; so you're feeling a little a scorned, vengeful, and wanting to get even. You have just the right weapon for a little payback. Some guy he knows ready to jump your bones! Whether you admit it not; or you're cognizant of it or not. It's natural under these circumstances. You're human!
You think you're just having sex with the guy to get it out of your system. It's never that simple. You have feelings and your state of mind during the sex has everything to do with the outcome. I can't tell you what to do. You can resist the wisdom of my words and correct me if you wish. It's your mind and body!
Trust me, my dear lady...your feelings are on the rebound. He showed-up at just the moment he found-out you had just lost your boyfriend. How did he hear about it? Who told him? Do you post these very personal things on social media for all to know? Yet he, of all people, got the news and couldn't wait to jump on it!
Well, he's well-practiced at seducing women. He will get into your head, not just your pants; and you'll be back here looking for a way out.
Sex goes further into our psyche than we sometimes realize. Women are more susceptible than men; because we are wired differently. Surely, women can have sex without getting attached. I'm not stupid!
Here's the giveaway that contradicts your response to my first answer to your post.
"So my question is do you think he is really in to me..."
If you just wanted the sex without the drama, the first part of your question wouldn't matter? Now would it?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2019): Wow what an opportunist he is. So you have an itch that needs scratching, he is willing to scratch it, will do the once then can cross you off his list of women to nail and you continue to be sexually frustrated.
Good luck with that
...............................
A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (2 May 2019):
Hi mummy85. I would assume you'd have higher standings when it came to having sex with a man. He isn't much of a man in my opinion. Wouldn't you feel better finding a guy who is nice, respectful and mature to relieve your tension? Who knows, it may make you consider a relationship.
The choice would be yours of course. I would request an STD report before touching him if you really want to sleep with him.
You will only be boosting his ego if you give in.
You sound like an intelligent woman and a responsible mother so I wish you the best in your decision.
Take care.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 May 2019):
 He knows you are in a "dry-spell" and vulnerable to lame charm and honestly, not thinking much nor using your brains.
You had a "crush" on him 14 years ago. When you were 20'ish. Haven't you matured and grown up a little since? He certainly isn't the same man either. Still ACTING like he is a teenager though.
He obviously wasn't a good influence on you then you think he is now?
And are you THAT desperate that a few flattering words and dick pics and you are ready to drop your knickers?
I mean, really?
You know he is seeing someone but you getting to bone him is more important that how it could hurt her, right? Because screw her!
GROW up.
You are a mother of 2 and that means you need to thinking using your brain not your nether regions.
And maybe be a little LESS lazy in finding someone to get intimate with? Not someone in your own circle of friends. That is like shooting fish in a barrel.
You obviously know that anything beyond some sex is not up for offer. He will screw you, get his notch in the bed post and if possible USE you for his side chick. Someone good enough to have sex with.. but nothing more.
For now how about you focus on sorting out your OWN family issues? Get the kids settled, sort yourself out and THEN you can go man-hunting for a partner or casual partner, but I'd advice against screwing around with guy in your friend-circle. That is a sure way to lose friends.
...............................
A
female
reader, mummy85 +, writes (1 May 2019):
mummy85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. I just wanted to clear a few points up as I think there may be a little misunderstanding.
Firstly I have no intention of sleeping with him while he has a gf. Given his dating history they won’t be together very long anyway.
Secondly I wasn’t asking if he wanted anything more serious with me. Even if he did like I said I wouldn’t entertain that as I’d never be able to trust him.
I guess my question was given the fact I’ve felt attracted to him for all these years once he becomes available again do I sleep with him? Yes like you say the thought of having sex with someone is better than the actual act but at least if I did it that sexual tension would be gone as all I do is think about having sex with him!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2019): "So my question is do you think he is really in to me or does he just want sex?"
You've answered your own question.
You're the single-mother of two. Can you really afford man-problems right-now? After breakups, we get a little reckless. We do things to make ourselves feel through the numbness. We even get a little self-destructive. You're not alone. You have two children to love and protect.
You wouldn't have asked if he was into you; unless you somehow hoped he is. You know his character and his background; and sex is not a good enough reason to dance with the devil, and mess-around with your own emotions.
You know how friends with benefits usually end-up. You'll attach feelings; because you're rebounding emotionally from losing your boyfriend. You're turning to an old sex-buddy; because you're seeking convenient comfort. While trying to pretend you'd do this without any emotional-attachment. Your whole post screams otherwise.
You're into this guy, and you know you'd be playing with fire. You haven't fully recovered emotionally from your broken-relationship; so you're toying with crazy ideas, and letting your hormones warp your better-judgement.
Let me give you some food for thought.
You've been tempted by the forbidden-fruit, and now you crave it. Your wild-imagination and your sex-fantasies are painting a greater picture than reality will actually present. I suggest that you let the cravings pass. You wouldn't have written your lengthy post unless your gut was screaming at you; and telling you to "STAY-AWAY FROM THAT GUY!" He's trouble! He's a player and a cheat! You easy prey, and you're completely vulnerable. Ready to toss all caution to the wind! Worst decision ever!
You're no match for his prowess and sordid-past. Not with two kids in tow, kiddo! Your history was before the kids. Life has changed dramatically since then. He'll turn your world upside-down, and your life goes downhill! You're being impulsive out of pain, loss, and grief! Recognize the fact!
You need to get your emotions under control. You also need to get your life in-order; because you've got a couple of kids who are counting on your good-judgement and wisdom to bring them up. They deserve a stable environment. You're not a single-person without responsibilities. The mistakes you make with men will also affect your children, and might throw your life off-track. Can you really afford to do that to yourself? Don't you deserve better than that? Keep it together, sweetheart!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2019): No you avoid him!Youre not on the same page emotionally and he has already made you feel gutted.He feels its on the cards if he approaches you in a manner that suits you but this guy may well trash your reputation as soon as the deed is done and he may add insult to injury by refusing to accept your calls or texts and you are going to end up feeling angry with yourself whom you cant get away from.All that for a one night stand and the sex may be fantastic but the aftermath will still hurt or you may find the sex to be rubbish because it cant stand up to 14yrs of fantasy.You cannot afford to be his take away meal on the sly.What if he drops on you, immediately afterwards, that his new girlfriend is pregnant for him, by the way?Let him be one that got away.Look for someone who is not inclined to toy with your emotions and value your power to put the brakes on a ghastly situation.This is a no!Its dynamite that can bring you into a wretched state all for one mans fantasy of a leetle bit on the side.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (1 May 2019):
 Come on, you’re a grown woman.
Does a man who’s sending nudes and begging you for sex want something serious or sex? Really?
As mentioned, you’re pretty hypocritical. You don’t trust him, yet YOU cheated on an ex partner with him? Get a grip. You’re just as bad.
Surely you can have sex with someone else? The guy is a scumbag, a serial cheat, why would you honestly be entertaining him? He sees you as nothing more as someone he can screw outside of his relationships. Lucky you.
...............................
A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84 +, writes (1 May 2019):
Hi There. Why would you want to sleep with a man who is a serial cheat? What is the attraction? Also, to have a one night stand with him knowing he is in a relationship is a bit hypocritical on your part. So you wouldn't date him beause you don't trust him but you find it ok to allow him to cheat on his GF with you?You should be in support of your fellow women, not sleeping with their boyfriends. I would ignore his messages as it seems he is only interested in talking to you when he has been drinking. A true friend wouldn't treat you in such a way.I doubt the experience with him would be memorable and you'll be left feeling quite deflated. Usually the build up and the anticipation of being with someone is more exciting that the reality.
...............................
|
