A
male
age
41-50,
*oejoe1
writes:I've posted here before. About two weeks ago i broke up with my girlfriend over some pretty hurtful things I saw on her phone (yes I looked through her phone). The month before she had told me she didn't know if she wanted the same life as I wanted and that she wasn't sure if she could give me any "gurantees"..We spoke about the issues and she said that we should go to counseling..we never actually made it there b/c of the holidays , ect..I held a lot of resentment b/c of our conversation about her not being able to give me any "gurantees" in life..I held on b/c she said she loved me and wanted this to work..I had been feeling distant from her, I saw that she was texting a lot, she was acting a little strange, so I made the mistake of looking at her phone..there were some texts between her and a friend basically saying "if i didn't have a b/f up my ass, I'd be out every night of the week" and "o great, he is coming over tonight"..i was deeply hurt..i was putting my all in to try and make t his work, get through our problems and make an effort to see her more.. I know the texts seemed innocent, but most of our fighting had been centered around her being out with friends a lot more than she was with me..I felt like she was telling me she wanted to work on things, yet saying the complete opposite behind my back..it hurt like hell..i reacted with anger and "how could you speak like that about me behind my back"..she got defensive and the argument escalted into me cursing at her and storming out.The fustration over the past month's conversations had just totally boiled over.. i'm not proud of getting angry or cursing, but I just couldn't control myself.. It has been two weeks since I last spoke to her.. we didn't call each other for christmas or new years.. I am feeling bad about the way things ended and I wanted to send her a letter explaining things... I have been struggling with myself as to if I should do this or not.. she never made an attempt to apologize to me, explain herself, nothing.. I'm not too sure if I should "apologize first" for looking at the texts or just let this go.. I do have strong feelings for her, but my yelling and her lack of explanation and not contacting me has really made me think twice about saying anything at all.
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female
reader, Full moon temptress1  +, writes (6 January 2010):
i can tell you the exact same thing happened to me last week.I'd been seeing this guy for 4mths.I get on with his friends and go out with all of the from time to time.As i have a daughter i don't go out all the time.He phoned me on Sat night and asked to come round.I said yes.three hrs went by and no boyfriend,he had gone out with his friends.He had let me down before.I phoned him,he made some excuse up.So i ditched him.What i'm getting at is if she is not showing the respect you are showing her,whats the point,do you think that will change?If she would rather be with her friends the let her,its her loss.Find someone who feels the same way you do.Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): Excellent advice from brainscanhug once again. Will you please stop talking bullshit about people being married before god? It's not helpful and it's completely irrelevant to the questions that people are asking. Go read your bible and stop bugging people that are already in pain.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): She does not love you. Do not have sex with her, since you two are not married before God. It's funny how good advice is so obvious and annoying sometimes.
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