A
female
age
30-35,
*lliehoff
writes:My best guy friend and I are both 16 and have been friends for almost two years now.These past 5 months or so we have been very touchy feely,we've done everything except for sex.We are both virgins,and he always plays around saying that some day he's going to have someone rent a hotel room so he can take me there and just be us two.(obviously so we can have sex).We have both made it clear that we probably would never date eachother,but when i flirt with other guys,he gets EXTREMLY jealous.My heart is telling me not to lose my virginity to him because i dont want to get hurt,because he's at the age where he probably just wants to have sex with anything that moves,but my body just goes crazy thinking about him.He always tells me he loves me.So what im asking is do you think he secretly has feelings for me,and would it be bad to have sex for the first time with your best friend,and not with a Man that really loves me.please message me,i would really like sum advise.thank you
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best friend, both virgins, flirt, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, tehxoriginalxtree +, writes (8 July 2009):
 all right im bein honest cause trust me im a man all right it ruins your friendship cause it justt makes things awkward . i know this from personal experience
A
female
reader, Beckylou  +, writes (2 January 2008):
 i'm in the EXACT same situation as you..
it's even more difficult because we dated for six months last year, and then became best friends and now this...
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A
female
reader, kevswife04 +, writes (23 December 2007):
This from personal expreience. I have had a few partners. I Will say this If you don't love the person, don't do it because it is so much better when you are actually in love with the other person and have all the passion and emotions that go along with having a sexual relationship. Also this could completely ruin your friendship with this guy. If you want to keep him as a friend, i would not have sex with him and wait for the right man, because you are only 16 you still have plenty of time to meet that special man. p.s. you will just know if the guy is the right one.
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A
female
reader, xapathyxrebornx  +, writes (21 December 2007):
 Aww hun this is a typical 'friends with benifits' situation. I went through exactly the same thing recently, my guy friend i known for two years became touchly feely and then we became friends with benifits but i was virgin and decided i wanted to wait until it was special and I did and now im with a guy who loves me not just for my body but for my mind. I love him too. Wait until your in a loving relationship
in the meantime tell your friend that your not interesting in being just a 'friend with benefits"
believe you your wise in knowing you'll get hurt because if you go along with this, as hard as it is (i know hun) then you will end up hurt when after hes had enough he completly cuts you off.
message me if you need more advice hun x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): Just a correction, poster.
The statement "Anyone who tries to pressure you into having sex by saying, isn't really looking out for you and what matters most to you."
Should have read,
"Anyone who tries to pressure you into having sex by saying "he loves you", isn't really looking out for you and what matters most to you."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Oh gosh, TasteofIndia's advice is right on. Wait, and have sex with the person who commits and loves you. Hold out for that. This guy is telling he loves you...that's nice...but he's also telling you he wants to rent a room so you two can get it on. What are his actions telling you? Tell him that just because he says 'he loves you' does not mean that's the 'free ticket to get into your pants'. Based on what your posting is stating, you are feeling a tad pressured here. Anyone who tries to pressure you into having sex by saying, isn't really looking out for you and what matters most to you. They're looking to satisfy their own feelings and urges about sex.And you need to think with your head here..deciding whether it's right for you to have sex is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make. A young female must use her good judgment and decide if it's the right time - and the right person. This means considering some very important factors - both physical ones, like the possibility of becoming pregnant or getting a sexually transmitted disease - and emotional factors, too. Though a person's body may feel ready for sex, sex also has very serious emotional consequences. What would happen if you get pregnant? A baby is a lifetime committment and could hinder future goals for you. Please...make that decision when you are ready for it. Sex should be an expression of truest love - and with someone who wants to be with only you..(at your age, this means DATING you) To commit to 'only' you in some caring, generous way. If this boy truely and deeply loved you, he would never, ever want you to feel like you should have sex with him. So stop falling for his manipulations to getting you in the sack. Think smart here...he's pulling a fast one. If he wants your virginity, he better be prepared to respect you by dating you, exclusively and building something solid and loving with you, firstly. If you are friends, you are well on your way. Just don't hand this over to him on a hormonal whim. The emotional regrets may come back and bite you, hard...eg: nine months down the road when you are in the local maternity ward, giving birth alone with no support from him.
Last words and read this carefully. When it comes to sex, there are two very important things to remember: one, that you are ultimately the person in charge of your own happiness and your own body; and two, you have a lot of time to wait until you're totally sure about it. If you decide to put off sex, it's OK - no matter what anyone says. Being a virgin is one of the things that proves you are in charge of you, in charge of your life. And it will show that you are powerful enough and mature to make your own decisions about your mind and body. Keep being strong, hun and keep putting the highest value on YOU.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Hey! You said that your heart is telling you not to lose your virginity to him so you are saying that you don't want to/ would feel really uncomfortable. Follow your heart.
How come you've done all this anyway if he's just a friend?? Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable doing stuff with a friend - but I guess, everyone is different!
Ummm...so I think you should wait and just follow your heart!! x x x
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A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help +, writes (20 December 2007):
 you have made the decision for yourself you know he is just wants sex so don't full for those three words that gets every girl hurt because she believed a guy loved her and he only way to prove it was to have sex, don't be another. Wait for someone worthy to be the 'one' its not someting you can take back. its gd that you are just having fun but as you are underage its best not to ok. have fun be safe and when you say no you mean no
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (20 December 2007):
 Hey doll,
It sounds like he's attached to you in that friends-with-benefits-but-nothing-more kind of way. That's a bummer because you don't really get anything great out of it - you don't get a boyfriend, because he doesn't want to commit, but you don't get to date anyone else either because he'll get jealous.
You've said it yourself, it's better to wait for a guy who loves you TRULY and who you feel the same about. Sex is just better when it's with someone who you're excited about, who you are committed to, who genuinely cares and respects you and who you know is going to be in love with you for a long time. It's just better that way, it really is.
Your best friend is a convenient way to lose your virginity, but it will be so much better and so much more special if you hold out for a man who really, really loves you.
Good luck, sweetness!
xxIndia
P.S. By the way, even if he says he loves you, if he doesn't want to make a commitment to you, then it shouldn't be good enough for you!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): You absolutely should not have sex with him. Sex should be saved for marriage, or at the least someone 'very' special, like a long-term relationship that could turn into marriage. If you are feeling 'lustfull' feelings, there are other things that you two can do. My wife had a 'friend with benefits' in her teenage years, but she didn't give in and have sex. That was very important to me and one of the factors I considered when marrying her. If she had, and wasn't a virgin, I wouldn't have married her. Fooling around (handjobs, blowjobs, etc) was easy for me to overlook, but if she had sex with a friend, I wouldn't have married her. Please think before you go that far about your future mate. He wouldn't appreciate you doing that. Just do other things to satisfy both your and his urges.
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