A
male
age
36-40,
*lias me
writes:I have been single for years I cant seem to meet women interested in me. Women I have dated all dumped me for other people , they all say I am a "lovely guy" but they always see, to go for arrogant pretty boys who usually treat them like crap.Every time I dated someone I wanted to wait for the right time mixed with nerves I never got round to sex ever and I am approaching my 28th birthday. Friends of mine are all finding the loves of there lives and are getting married or in long term relationships. I am starting to worry that i will never find true love,women say that I am really funny and I am lovely, though some say that I talk too much. But most of the time the only guys women I like seem to go for are the kind of guys who are arrogant and like to cheat on the girls they are with. I don't know why girls like that they never have good conversions with these guys but the fact that they like to treat women cheaply seems to turn them on. The fact is that I am embarrassed that I am still a virgin I keep thinking at least if I go with a prostitute it wont be so bad if I ever have genuine sex, but the truth is I have accepted that girls wont ever love a guy like me ,what should I do?
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male
reader, Lukeyboy  +, writes (23 January 2013):
I'm a disability support worker and alot of those guys have to pay because nobody wants them theres nothing wrong with it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): Glad that I found this thread, because I can speak from personal experience on this.
I think the older you get, the worse the stigma of being a virgin will get. You really have the idea that everyone else in the world is having sex but you.
My first real intercourse was also with a prostitute. I did for the same reason as many other guys who did it: I never had any luck with girls and was running out of patience. It's not that I was ashamed to be a virgin (I don't care what others thnk of me),I was simply sick and tired of fighting against my hormones and had pretty much given up on all that 'wait for the right one' BS.
Is it wrong to start with a prostitute ? Well, it certainly isn't perfect (no real attachment, no sense of achievement, and the fact she has been used by hundreds of other men is a major turn off for me)but believe me, very few people have a perfect first time.
And besides, if you're a 25+ virgin, what have you got to lose ? Sure, you can wait for a miracle to happen, but believe me you're wasting your time. And all those people who tell you to wait for Ms Right are often people (mostly women) who have been sexually acive since they were 14/15, jump from one relationship on to the next, have one night stands on a regular basis and are totally clueless to your situation. They are the last people you should take advice from.
Ofcourse I understand you have mixed feeling about it, so did I. It's simply not a cool idea that you have to pay some used up hooker for your first time. But believe me, when you've reached a certain age waiting even longer won't make things better for you. Just remember that having sex with a prostitute is not the real thing and you shouldn't let it become a habit.
Also, please forget the outdated idea of 'losing virginity'. There's no such thing as virginity and you don't lose anything after having sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2012): Women like men with character, men who are dominant, so maybe that's why they usually end up with douchebags.If the girls you like don't like you back then you should reconsider how your relationship with them have been and see if you are asertive with them.
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (22 December 2012):
If you sleep with a prostitute for your first time, in a way you'll still be a virgin. This is because you will still not have discovered how to meet an ordinary girl and negotiate your way to having sex with her. It's a skill men simply have to develop by trial and (I'm afraid) lots of error so have the courage to get out there. It's the only way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2012): Loosing virginity is not you problem, by all means if you like it go have a romp and pay for it. But your actual problem is you feeling that you will never be loved by a woman. Dude there are 3.5 billion ladies in the world, you are sure to find one.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (22 December 2012):
Well, to answer your question: No. No you shouldn't. As a woman, I'd rather deal with a male virgin than a guy who's been to a prostitute.Because when a guy goes to a prostitute, I'll think two things about him: 1) He's too ugly/selfconscious/awkward to get a woman to sleep with him under normal conditions AND 2)he treats women like objects and secretly dislikes or fears them. I know that not all guys that go to prostitutes are necessarily like that, but many women think like me. From what I read you don't sound like a completely unattractive guy, but either like someone who always likes the wrong type of women or who's too shy to actually make a move.Please test your opinions about the dating world by writing down on paper:1) How many women that you like have arrogant and cheating boyfriends - and how many women don't2) How many friends of you have found the loves of their lives and getting married - and how many didn't3) How many women said you are funny, lovely or that you talk too much - and how many said something else?I am sure in the end you'll notice that your opinion about "women" and "men" stems from a very small sample. And you probably overlook many, many facets of life.Try to observe reality more closely and learn from what you see. Are you really the nice guy and women only fall for assholes? Or are there certain good qualities that these "assholes" have that you could develop as well? What is it that these guys can give to a girl - is it really just bad treatment? Or are they maybe funny, entertaining, do they care about their looks? What can you learn from the men you envy?
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (21 December 2012):
I wouldnt. Once you do it, you can never take it away. Its one thing doing with an easy woman, its another paying for it. Especially the first time.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 December 2012):
 I would not recommend it.
Many women would find it disconcerting that you paid for sex.
I agree that there are plenty of options for free sex hook ups
websites such as OK CUPID or Plenty of FISH are out there and many of the folks are ok with hook ups.
put up an ad and be HONEST that you are looking for sex hook ups but that you are lacking in experience and would appreciate a lady that would like to teach you.....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 December 2012):
 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO....
Is that clear enough?
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): If you want sex without relationship look up the local classified ads under the personals section. At least you will find someone who also wants sex and isn't forcing themselves because you are paying them. And you wont be personally responsible for contributing to the abuse of women, human trafficking and human rights violations.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 December 2012):
Go ahead, it won't be the end of the world.
But, I think you need to start thinking about how you act towards women. A lot of guys are decent looking, intelligent and overall good guys, but they have a hard time connecting with women. Part of it could be that you are too timid, you have to be brave and ask women out. Rejection sucks at first but you have to remind yourself that not everybody is right for everybody else. You also need to make sure to be confident, or at least act like you are. Don't be "Mr. Nice Guy" it doesn't work that well unless you're looking for friends. It's like they say in sales, "Assume the sale." The same goes with women. For instance, if you want a girl to come somewhere with you instead of asking, just say, "come with me." That's a mini example, but hopefully you get the idea.
But, there are a couple of other options; you could try finding love in another country. I've never had too hard of a time meeting girls but I've noticed that I get more attention from women in other countries. That sounds silly but it's true.
Or, you could try internet dating if you haven't already.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): I lost my virginity to a prostitute. I was 19, and at that time it seemed like every other guy was getting lucky with the girls and I was the human race's one and only failure. Now, many years later, I recognise that my view of the situation was warped, and that in reality I'd had plenty of opportunities but chose not to take them.
If you sleep with a prostitute, the absolute best case scenario is you'll have an exciting sexual experience that will leave you feeling guilty afterwards. More likely you'll have bad sex - there are many things most prostitutes/brothels don't allow clients to do, like kiss the girls or touch certain parts of their bodies - so it's a very expensive route to increased sexual frustration. Apart from the obvious STD risks, it can also be a very habit forming activity.
Paying for sex will reinforce your negativity towards women, and if you get addicted to it like I did, you could end up with a bad past to confess to when you finally get into a serious relationship. My wife was understanding, but not all women are forgiving of this sort of thing.
If you absolutely must go down that road, my advice would be to find one prostitute you like and stick with her. At least that way your "body count" will remain low.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): If I were you I would not sleep with a prostitute because there's a lot that comes with a prostitute like getting a disease that you can't get rid of or even aids. How about going skating or joining the y.
Being a virgin is something to be proud of, you're still young find yourself a nice virgin girl or better yet you can auction off your virginity and it's legal.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): It is WORK, not women that defines a man. When you focus your time, energy & resources on a task, you derive personal satisfaction & fulfillment from the resulting rewards & recognition. Your life must revolve around your work. True success with women is achieved when you succeed in life as a man, when you make your mark in the world. Most, if not all women are attracted to a man that has a sense of purpose & direction in life. A man who has no purpose or direction in life is a man who spends his life away in a whorehouse. Don't waste your time worried about wether you will ever find true love & all that gay shit. Do something great with your life. The more you achieve & succeed in life as a man, the more likely women will come flocking to you. Live like you don't need women because nothing earns a woman's respect & admiration of a man more than a man's rejection of her. I'm not saying you should hate women, but don't idealize them in your life. Don't make the mistake of thinking that being a loser equates to having no girlfriends or not sexually successful. These are petty things. Being successful as a man should be about perfecting your skills through work & contributing meaningfully to society. That's what truly makes you a man & that's what will truly make you get all the girls.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): I'm not sure what the repercussions may be if you do that. Maybe you will see sex in a crass way and when you do meet a decent girl you may hold her up to a hooker's standard of sex. Or maybe you will like it so much that you will forever make it a habit to pay for sex from here on. Or maybe not. I feel like you are giving up too quickly and not challenging yourself enough. I am not sure if you seriously feel defeated or if you are using this as an excuse because deep down you would like to sleep with a hooker? You are making these statements about these douchy dudes who cheat and mistreat women and all that but isn't paying for sex and exposing yourself to hookers pretty low on the scale too? I mean who are you to judge anyone who is "arrogant" and "unfaithful" when you are considering paying for sex? Why don't you try a dating website? Why don't you try being more bold when you are dating a girl and defeating your anxiety and just go for it. It is not hard for a guy to get laid. At the very least if you went to a bar and got a drunk girl to go home with you and you sleep with her, even that would be more respectable and a hell of a lot less creepy than going to a hooker.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): I don't think it's your virginity that's bothering you, but the fact that you aren't connecting with women.
Why haven't you had sex? Perhaps you're afraid of initiating and when you are waiting "for the right time mixed with nerves...never got round to sex," they think you're not interested?
You've set yourself up in contrast to all other men who apparently are arrogant, have bad conversational skills and who treat women badly. Your impression of other men might boil down to the fact that other men aren't afraid of making mistakes with women. Everyone crashes and burns when they try it on with other people. You just have to grow a thick skin to these experiences and be willing to learn. It sounds like you've avoided doing that.
You sound smart, but you sound slightly insecure. You mentioned that you've been told you talk too much. Perhaps you're compensating for your anxiety by monopolizing a conversation or talking too much about yourself? Try listening a little more and being a bit braver physically.
The way you're framing your situation, I think you might be developing the impression that you are the perfect victim in a world full of arrogant and insensitive men and cheap and tasteless women. I think if you slept with a prostitute you'd just reinforce that world view.
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