A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't like conflicts.I don't care if people talk trash about me, because if I know it's not true, I won't make a big deal about it. Bottom line, if my true friends know the truth, I let people talk. I've had situations where there were girls calling me a whore in my face - I had friends telling me I should just go fight with them, I just ignored it. Basically, I try to be as zen as possible. However, this usually ends up with me avoiding conflicts that need to be solved.I admit, I usually procrastinate, specially when it involves me talking to a person.My boyfriend is a very straightforward guy. If he has a problem with someone, we will talk to them and solve things out, for better or for worst.I do talk to him about my problems. And, when they are important issues, he gets angry because of how I run from confrontation. He sometimes even fights with me when I try to brush important things off. His most common words are "you lose so much when you stay quiet".I will be honest. Sometimes the only reason I dive into a much-needed conversation/fight with someone is because he starts to get his angry face. I see he's getting mad so just get my crap together and run to solve the issue. Which, honestly, wouldn't even be solved if it wasn't for that.However, sometimes I just think there are things that I don't need to bother about (real example here: someone broke something mine a month ago. Didn't answer my calls. Until now. The person said they'd give me a new item in a week because they're going on vacation far away. If I tell my boyfriend, he'll probably say I should have asked why they couldn't give it to me before or if they didn't have money to buy me a new item, how can they go on vacation, while I am just ok with getting the item back in a couple days.).I love him to pieces, and I know this is his way to help me being more confident and direct, but sometimes I just want to let things slide by.. Should I listen to him and start to get more aggressive? Or just stop telling him what's happening?
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (16 March 2013):
 I think aggressive is the wrong thing to be if you are trying to sort out a problem. Maybe a better thing to be is calm and direct.
There is nothing to lose by standing up for yourself...we live in a world of conflict and see aggression all around us as we grow up and it seems to be the only way to get what we want...but negotiating, listening, having space to put your point across is better than just shouting louder than someone else.
Ignore people who tell you to show aggression, deal with things in your own way...because it's your life!
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