A
female
age
51-59,
*oonpie
writes:I met a beautiful person and I'm so afraid to let myself go and fall harder for him. i guess im so worried about our age difference, I am 39 but get told that i look 25-28 and he is 23. We been sort of dating and talking for seven months, he recently introduced me to his family and wants to meet mine. I'm divorced and have two kids. I really like him a lot, we have a lot in common love music and we laugh a lot oh and sex is amazing. He has asked me that after he meets with my family he wants us to be more official and wants a relationship. I'm just afraid to go for it and my kids getting attached to him. I'm not sure what to do because I think to much of our age difference, he doesn't care.
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Moonpie +, writes (11 October 2012):
Moonpie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo_very_confused thank you for sharing your story, that's awesome and the fact that he loves you dearly regardless of your illness. I will take your advise thanks a lot :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 October 2012):
 oh dear... it's not a bad gap in general.. sadly it's a lousy gap given that he is 23 and you are 39...
and he wants kids..
his YOUTH and the fact that he wants kids is my ONLY concern.
that being said... here I go with my story (which is such a rule breaker that I am the exception to EVERY rule out there)
Had I met my husband when he was 23 and I was 36 I doubt we would have ended up together. Now there are some men who at 23 are very settled and know what they want... That being said he was just 37 to my 50 when we met and 39 to my 52 when we married. He does not want kids...mine are grown and like him very much.
When we started dating in late 2010 I was healthy... I was doing yoga three days a week... I was participating in 5ks and planning longer runs...
then boyfriend said "don't expect me to stick around and watch you die it's too painful. (we had just buried his beloved grandmother who raised him) and I understood that and took him at his word...
We got engaged in late Februay 2012 In March I was diagnosed with severe degenerative disc disease. My back is a huge hot mess. There are days I can barely get out of bed much less run or do yoga. Now I do physical therapy and pain management shots...
so three weeks after we get engaged I get what to me is a death sentence... I offered him his "freedom" no.. I begged him to leave me... he would not... I even remiinded him he said he would not stick around and "watch me die" we actually had fights about it... just telling you this so you are prepared for what happens as we age.... you don't always have control over it...
That being said... there are those people who think that a younger man and older woman is unnatural and wrong... but women tend to live longer than men as it is....
IF you are happy
IF he is happy
if you are both REALISTIC about aging and the potential lack of bio kids for him.... I would not discount the relationship just because of his age...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): Thank you those are great questions K_C100 and yes he does want kids. I talked to him about the responsibilities of having children, and the chances I have to get prego.. I also asked why me? when he has the chance to meet single women with no kids. He swears that kids are not an issue for him and He is very persistent on me giving him a chance and I know is not only sex, he told me that he wants to win my kids and wants them to accept him to date me. He wants a relationship. Never dated that young of a man and I am not afraid of relationships but I havent really dated no one since I divorced, dont get me wrong yes men have asked me out but men my age are so boring and usually have a lot of issues. I do like him a lot he is so sweet and honest very caring and has no financial problems. He is very responsible too, we met through a military deployment and I never thought that he was going to contact me when we got back to the States or try to pursue something with me. But he did.On your health statement I am a big health nut, I take care of myself a lot, skin and body, I believe that women should always look good and feel good with themselves regardless of their situation and yes our health will decline if let go of ourselves. But the age gap is and will still be there like you say how will he feel when he is 40 with a 56 year old.?? I guess I will find out when we sit down and talk to him. ;-)
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 I think you need a serious conversation with him before this goes any further. You have to be realistic that at 39, your chances of having any more children are now fading, so is he ok with not having children of his own? I'm sure aged 23 he wont want kids any time soon, so perhaps now he will say 'I dont care about that' but perhaps in 5-10 years time that might change, so you really need to get him to think about the future.
Do you want marriage again, would you try for more children despite your age? He also needs to think about when you are both getting older, and how he will feel aged 40 married/in a relationship with a woman who is 56. How will he feel as you get older and if your health declines (as everyone's health inevitably does) how will he feel about becoming your carer, when he is still in good health?
I dont think 16 years is a massive difference, and if you are both very happy then there is no harm in being together. You just need to think seriously about the future and what you both want from the future - if what you both want matches then by all means, go ahead and be together. If you want different things though it may be best to split now before you can get hurt.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): He is a better person than I . I have dated women alot older than me and not introduced these ladies to my family. I say go for it.
...............................
|
