A
male
age
30-35,
*andomando
writes:I moved into my apartment building 2 months ago and met my neighbor shortly after the move in. We hit it off right away. We have been hooking up for about a month and a half. It is weird because its like we are in a relationship but we are not.. Meaning we sleep together almost every night, text, cuddle..exc.. The interesting thing is neither of us have brought up being in a relationship or our past relationships.. I dont want a relationship with her because well she's not exactly what I am looking for in a relationship. I really like her, but not like that way.Basically after a couple months of knowing her I already know i wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with her so I dont see any point to be with her...I want to see other people but i mean i dont know how to. There is this girl I really like. She is beautiful and we get along really well!. I met her and started talking to her about a week ago. The first night I met her we went to a dance party. The funny thing was we went with a big group of people and i didnt really know her, but all of my friends did. She was that girl that every guy drooled over. I however did not think she was. I thought she was just a beautiful girl but after I got too talk to her for like 10 minutes I was like in love with her. She loved football!! She's a San Francisco 49s fan and Giants Fan!!! I could have an actual conversation with her about players and it was just the biggest turn on ever! lol. At the party I asked her to dance with me and she did! She started kissing me and i was so shocked I wasnt expecting it at all. she held my hand most of the night and i think she likes me.. later today she invited me to be on her halloween volleyball team.. I want to try to hang out with her but I dont know what i should do... The other thing is she is also my neighbor. She lives downstairs.. So i fell so ^^^^ed..I stopped basically sleeping with my neighbor since I hooked up with my other neighbor :/..... I really dont know what to do.. If you could put yourself in this situation and help me out that would be great.To be honest im thinking about just pursuing my other neighbor and not doing anything about the girl I have been talking to because we arent in a relationship or anything but i mean I dont know how she would feel if she saw me with another girl... and i dont want to hurrt her.. any help would be great
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 I think I remember you... there was a situation a few months ago... you were sexting a girl and your gf caught you and got mad... you told her " I don't remember, I was drunk " but that did not cut it and she dumped you....and you were miserable..
I am glad that things have changed for you and you are now in very good spirits . What has not changed is that you still have troubles choosing ONE option and acting in consequence.. and that apparently you can't resist the appeal of a brand new toy...
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 And then you took the other girl out on a date:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/first-date-should-it-be-the-expensive-restaurant45.html
Classy.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (15 October 2012):
I think you do know what to do but are too scared. The longer you leave it, the harder it will get. You have to tell her. She'll be upset but it'll be far worse if you allow her to think she's in a relationship with you and then leave her.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 Oh please, this girl shouldn't even be in your room in the morning! You slept with her again, didn1t you? Otherwise how could she have been there to make you breakfast in bed?
She wants to be your girlfriend. FWB don't go on birth control pills. That's something people in steady relationships do.
The fact is that you do NOT want to continue sleeping with her. So why aren't you telling her so? You make the choice, and so far it looks like you DO want to continue sleeping with her. Otherwise you'd not let her be in your room over night, you'd tell her you wanted to end things as well. Who cares if it is your birthday, it wasn't HER birthday. And if she's taking things too seriously then you definitely need to put your foot down NOW before she starts announcing that you and her are an item. Breaking up with her will be a lot harder than ending a casual affair.
But she's moving this to be a real relationship, and you seriously need to tell her you're not interested. And you need to tell her FAST. Today. Right now.
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A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (15 October 2012):
landomando is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSooo last night was my birthday party, I decided to tell her that we should stop and just be friends... She got me a bunch of presents and made me dinner, and breakfast (in bed!) and got me a bunch of ballons for my bday. when i woke up she then told me her other present to me was she was going to start taking birth control so no more condoms. All of this was unexpected! So i havn't told her yet and I dont know what i should do. I feel like this would crush her since she just got out of a bad relationship not too long ago.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (11 October 2012):
You haven't slept with the first girl for a week so she probably has a good idea that you've cooled off. However I think you should try to keep things nice (not least because she's a neighbour) - go and chat to her and tell her you'd like to be just friends in the future. Don't rub her face in it with the second girl (as Chigirl suggests, lay low and be discrete). If things develop with the second girl (and I think you should pursue her!) the first girl will no doubt realise at some point but at least you will have dealt with the situation respectfully. This is also important in case the two girls get talking about you one day ....! Hope it all works out.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 October 2012):
What you need to do is cut the intimate connection with the first girl (you said you haven't met up with her lately, but you need to make it clear you wont be hooking up with her again). You're not interested in her that way, and if you keep her around like this you're limiting your other options. There's a fair chance she and this other neighbour will talk to each other, especially if first girl learns you like the other one. So in order to avoid any drama, cut out first girl before you do anything else with anyone else.
Just tell her, while it has been lovely, you're not interested in having a relationship with her. With this in mind, you think it is best if you and her stop doing anything intimate. Perhaps suggest that you stay just friends?
And then stay low. To the best of your ability, do not let first girl know about second girl. Not that it's wrong to get with second girl, but ... there's a likelihood of drama when you all are neighbours. So lay low, don't take second girl to your place, don't go to second girls place. Don't do sleep overs with her just yet. Meet her outside of your homes, in places where first girl isn't likely to be (if you can help it), and maybe avoid any public make-out sessions. Keep whatever you got going with second girl private until some time has passed. This will appear perfectly romantic to second girl as well (you'll come off as a gentleman who wants to wait with sex until you are in a relationship).
Play it like that and I think you'll be fine.
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