A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help me I just found out about my boyfriend, who lives in another house, got his roommate pregnant 7 months ago.She now had twins but she's not out of the hospital yet. I found out about it todayI have never liked her. the first time I met her she had a crush on my guy when him and I were going out.So now we have baby girl who is 15 months old. We have been together for 6 years on and off it's been very rocky because we fight lots It's mostly him. When I was out of the hospital after having our daughter it had not even been two months when he lost his temper and moved out and moved to his brothers for a couple months.Then he moved out of there and got about a place with his friend who is a girl.That girl has had the hots for him since they first met. Sshe was seeing another guy for 6 years and never been with anyone else and now they live together in separate rooms.The day he lost his temper he blew off his whole pay on booze and he got so drunk he said he didn’t know what happened He said he woke up in her bed he asked her if they did anything she said no.Which means she lied ,but he didn't know and after that we got back together and everything was going good for all these months.Now just 3 days ago she dropped the bomb on him about being pregnant ,and when I found out I snapped I went up to him and punched him in the chest I wanted to hit him the face I cried so hard I felt like I lost a part of me.My stomach hurt and I felt sick and my heart hurt and he looked at me and started shaking and apologized so many timesI told him I hated him I told him I want to talk to his roommate for trapping him on the babies when we were together.She has been jealous of us being together for a few years and even when he was living with her she would grope himHe would get mad and he says he was giving her a hug but she goes too far with everything she gets mad and ^^^^ed off when I'm there.Getting him to see me and our daughter - when that happens she is always miserable all the time she never smiles, I love him so much I don't want to lose him over her he says he loves me not her and we were wanting to have another baby in a few more years He said he is wanting to propose to me he said he was paying off the ring which he said to me today I don't know what to do I feel hurt so much and I feel like my heart was smashed like a tomato he is a good dad and good to me we have our times arguing like any couple I feel like I lost myself but I still try and take care of our daughter like a good mom I am what do I do I’m upset all day crying lots and confused
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (19 October 2012):
I meant to say that I dont believe HIS story for 1 second. sorry if that came out wrong. you need to get rid of him, he is a total loser. bad enough cheating on you but to totally disregards your sexual health... unforgiveable
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 October 2012):
 "i don't want my daughter to suffer be cause of this woman who can't get a life but thrills on making everyone else miserable"Your daughter wont suffer from this woman.. Your daughter will suffer from her mom desperately trying to keep this drug addicted, alcohol-loving, cheating boyfriend in her life. He is NOT a good catch! Let the other woman have him, they seem to make a good fit, both being liars and backstabbers and drug-addicts. You don't need these people in your life, and your daughter definitely does not need these people in her life!Your boyfriend is lying to you! He must have known about the pregnancy, because it isn't that easy to hide exactly!! And he lived with her! And being "in love" with him as she is, she would have told him! You've heard none of this from her, it's all from your boyfriend. Of course he will say whatever BS lie he can to make himself look better. Don't be so naive. Your boyfriend blowing away all his money of drugs and booze is not exactly making this situation better, as it just shows what a completely irresponsible person he is. And THAT is supposed to be the father of your daughter? Please, the man can't be trusted to look after a child when he can't even look after HIMSELF. Stop defending him. He's the cheater, not the other woman. The other woman never owed you anything, she never had a responsibility towards you. Your boyfriend however had responsibility, not just to you, but also to his DAUGHTER. Instead of using money on his daughter he blew it all away on drugs and alcohol. Snap out of it, he aint worth it.
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A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (12 October 2012):
I dont believe this story for 1 second.
you say she had twins, generally when someone is pregnant with twins they will show way sooner than if they are having one baby, AND she would have told him sooner seeing as they were living together, I dont think it would have been possible for her to be able to keep this from him.
being drunk is no excuse. why would she have told him after that night that nothing happened between them? it makes no sense.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): And when i saw the girl roommate she didn't look pregnant at all and she didn't go through what pregnant women go through cravings etc. But it was the night he got mad and lost temper i also heard that he was on a lot of drugs and she was living with someone else before they kicked her.She lost her job and he was living with his other brother ( he has a older one he lived with when he moved out and then got a place with his younger brother to help him out cause he was messed up with drugs and having to get work to be with his kid also.At the time she had no place to go so he asked her if she would like to move in with them to help out and to try and get back on her feet again.The thing is she never told him that anything went on with them that night and the whole gropping thing he has told her to try to stop and she would say Ok fine whatever and walks away.He has never had a thing for her at all she to him she is unattractive and older than him and she couldn't get pregnant cause her body was messed up with pills. But everyone around her like her friends were having children and she semed not to be able to.It seems pretty fishy she says the babies are his when he had a baby with me and less then a year ago Now she had her children. she she didn't say anything was it a reason she didn't want to come between us since we were trying to fix our relationship for goodHer story was she knew we were going through a tough time being new parents with everything.Maybe she thought that no man would want her since the other two men she was with thought she was backstabbing him and lying for months to save her ass she has this way to her with people she always has to be the centre's attention and picky and selfish.she is very odd and she has a sneaky side to her i don't want my daughter to suffer be cause of this woman who can't get a life but thrills on making everyone else miserableShe always jealous with lots of drama and ungratefulness it's always want want and take take with her and she annoys meMy mother tried to talk to her. she told the woman i know you like him and want him but he taken.The woman is 37 and my Bf is 24.The woman said whatever, you don't know nothing you stupid b***** and she got up and left and gave us a dirty look like i can do what i want b****s Even my mother knew something was weird and a little off with her This woman would never pay for anything would act so nice with him and didn't like me being around She kept rolling her eyes at me.Finally had enough and said i wanted everyone to move out they did but not her she left for a short time to work but kept coming back and i had to tell him she had to go to cause i will be due soon and we needed a house just for our family coming soon.Then this woman left and never came back.Then i had my baby and she wanted to be there and see us i said no she said ok and dropped off gifts i felt like she was trying to get on my good side so she can be around us to get to him he has been so busy so much with work and meThen he got upset because his work laid him off and he was afraid he couldn't help meHe didn't like want to take it out on me so he stayed at his brothers for 2 days then came back home to be with meThen he said he was getting tried of my mom trying to get in our lives again i said to him she is trying to help us out to give us advice on be new parents afterLater on that month his friend texted him wanting to hangout and talk he said no and no to her is yes, so we had a fight about money and how i hated itWhen his friend kept chasing him and how she talk-text with mixed signal and i got so upset i thought he was cheating on me cause he was always with her i kicked him out he snapped and that's how it all started
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 Yeah, weird story full of holes. So, most probably, shameless lie .
He lived with this woman and never noticed she was pregnant ??? Aw come on, Ok she gave birth at 7 months, but 7 months with twins it shows like 9 months with a single baby. She must have started showing at maybe 3 months... and he did not know she was pregnant ??
And why would she have lied and said " we did not do anything ", just to reveal the truth on the day she gives birth. That makes no sense. In a Mexican soap opera, maybe. IRL : she either, for reasons of hers, does not want him to know he's the father of the babies, - so she makes sure to keep her mouth shut and in fact invents a fantasy father for the kids. Or, she wants him to know he is the father , - and she tells him straight away as soon as the pregnnacy test comes up positive.
He knew, he knew. He probably thought that it's easy to hide a secret tryst to a gullible wife... not so easy to hide a secret second family !. She was probably going to rat him out anyway, so...
And, what was he doing living with her to begin with ? I mean, if it was clear that she had the hots for him, and that was always tryng to grope and fondle him - against his will ( yeah right ). That sounds like an annoying, embarassing situation- and inconsiderate and disrespectful to you too. and terminating it would have been easy and normal. He could either kick her out , or move out himself- why not coming back to you, since you had made peace ?
Moral : he's telling you tall tales.
Look at the silver lining : you ain't losing no prize. All couples fight ( debatable, but never mind ) but who's the
buffoon who ups and leaves a two months old baby - to go live carefree as a bird with his female bestie ? He was no kid, he was a DAD. He should have stayed and sorted out things with you , not run to find comfort into the arms of a clearly even too willing roommate. And, he blows all his pay on booze , because he 's mad, gets so drunk that apparently does not even know he is having sex ( bullshit ) ...and he thinks that's a justification for what went down ? He thinks that makes things BETTER ? ...
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 Alcohol is the stupidest excuse I've ever heard. If someone is drinking and driving and they get in an accident, do the police just let them go because they weren't in their right mind? No, it's a MORE severe punishment. So why is drinking and having sex so different? Alcohol is not an excuse for anything. I got so drunk in college once that I almost went to the hospital and I can remember everything. A guy I still had feelings for was there and trying very hard to sleep with me and even though I could barely stand I still had the right mind to not cheat on my boyfriend. Saying I was drunk makes it worse, not better. Have you ever been drunk? If you have been you know it's a bullshit excuse. I'm not buying this whole she tricked him into sex thing and didn't tell him until later.
He moved out and moved in with her. He lets her grope him, he lies to you, this guy is not worth it and he will always be breaking your heart. He is a serious manipulator and has convinced you to blame her instead of him. She has no obligation to you, he does.
You need to move on from this guy.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 October 2012):
7 months and she already gave birth? So... premature then I assume, and with a low chance of making it? You have so little information about this that I am unsure if your boyfriend, or whomever it is that is informing you, has given you correct information. So I suspect someone is lying to you. And considering your boyfriend has cheated on you and lied for at least 7 months, I am inclined to believe he is lying to you still, and about tons of other things. For one, I very much doubt this was a one time thing. I think he's been having a long term affair with his "room mate" or, "live in girlfriend", which she most likely is. I mean you and him have a child together, yet he's not living with you.. he's living with her. You and him having a rocky relationship as it is I think you should face the facts and call it a day. It is what it is, and there's not really anything here to build on. If your relationship wasn't out on deep water before it surely is in the process of drowning, and there's not much you can do about it. It is he, after all, who decided to impregnate another woman. So my advice to you: CUT HIM OUT. Don't bother trying for anything other than friendship with him, if you can manage even that. Maybe just stay civil for the sake of your child. But no, no further attempts at a relationship. It's dead and done for. "Now just 3 days ago she dropped the bomb on him about being pregnant" Oh big fat lie. Your boyfriend must be dumber than a piece of bread if he honestly has been living with a woman who was pregnant with twins and didn't notice until the babies were born... Stop defending this liar, and be smart. You know this is BS. "I told him I want to talk to his roommate for trapping him on the babies when we were together." That is just more BS. She didn't "trap" him with babies, your boyfriend screwed her and this is what happens when you have sex unprotected. Leave him, the sooner the better. He is so full of lies it's unbelievable. You're smarter than this, time to wake up and be realistic about this. Your boyfriend wasn't trapped by this woman, and there is no way in hell your boyfriend wasn't aware that she was pregnant. Being drunk is also not an excuse, he cheated on you. And he probably has cheated for quite some time. Also, he's been having unprotected sex, quite obviously. So if I were you I'd get tested. And then.. I can't emphasize this enough: CUT HIM OUT. He is NOT good for you, he does NOT love you, and he is NOT honest with you. The "proposal" for marriage is just another BS line he is feeding you to make you stay. He doesn't want to marry you... if that's what he wanted then he would live with YOU, not this other girlfriend of his. And if he actually loved you he wouldn't be cheating. End of story. No more excuses. He is a bad person and you are better without him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): The first thing that needs to be done is DNA tests on her twins, and on your bf/ex. Do you even know for sure they're HIS babies?
I'm not sticking up for him as I do not agree with liars and cheats (if that's the case), but its critical to have FACTS before flying off the handle in an emotional fit, its not healthy.
You said she just wants to trap him because she's had the hots for him from the word "GO", but nowhere in your post have you mentioned anyone else (other than yourself) saying they're his twins. All you said was they slept in the same bed one night, and she told him nothing happened, which quite honestly, if he was as drunk as you say he was that night, I very much doubt anything DID happen between them anyway.
Call me naïve, but that's my opinion.
You need to start at a definitive, rational point and work on from there.
Look at the facts, possibilities and impossibilities.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (11 October 2012):
 Also, food for thought. If a guy is living with a girl that gropes him and he doesn't like it. He simply moves out. He doesn't give her an oppurtunity to have sex with him. And he certainly doesn't get drunk while being with her.
You also mentioned him not liking the long hugs she gave him. So why would he stay with someone he's not interested in? Why not just move back in with his girlfriend and his daughter?
I'm pretty sure that he's using the ring as a way to soften you up. To make you feel guilty knowing that he's already paying it off. Find out exactly when he started paying for it. If he really is. Chances are that he knew about the twins before you did and ran to the store to put a ring on layaway in order to reinforce his chances at looking like the victim. Also, where was this girl during the entire time she was pregnant? Was she just planning on dropping the bombshell on him close to delivery? Who does that and why? If she kept it a secret this long, they why reveal it? My guess is that she already told him about it and he tried to hush her. It came to the point where she was getting forceful with telling you about it. This is where he decided to come up with his drunk story.
There is something that cuaght my eye in your question.
"she gets mad and ^^^^ed off when I'm there.
Getting him to see me and our daughter - when that happens she is always miserable all the time"
Does this indicate that they are still living together. So he had to have known she was pregnant. Again, was he not smart enough to realize that that night something more had to have happened? Or was he just betting on the fact that he could lie his way out of it? Also, why aren't you two living together? Why is he still with her even after knowing "she trapped him"? Open your eyes. He's trying to pull a wool over them.
If he truly cared about you then he would have never moved in with a girl you didn't like. He wouldn't have made it easier for them to have sex if he wasn't interested and he wouldn't still be there with her if he thought she trapped him. He's just praying that you'll believe his lie so that he could lie to you some more in the future. There's nothing better than having a girlfriend gullible enough to keep on accepting his "mistakes".
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 October 2012):
 Honestly I understand your anger and frustration and hurt, but you are MAD at the wrong person.
The ROOMMATE didn't PLAN her ovulation so she could TRAP him with getting pregnant.
He moved out on YOU and in with HER. My bet is he knew EXACTLY what he was doing when he slept with her, he just didn't count on knocking her up. People don't get so drunk they can't remember having sex. I will call BS on his explanation. But it is easier for him to make her out to be the bad guy, so your anger is being directed at her and not him. It's called deflection. Next he will blame you. It's "your" fault he left you.
You feel lost because you just had your heart ripped out and stomped on.
However your story doesn't make sense..
First you say..
******She now had twins but she's not out of the hospital yet. I found out about it today***
Then..
****Now just 3 days ago she dropped the bomb on him about being pregnant ****
So what is it? Did she give birth to twins or did she just tell him she was pregnant?
I'm not understand that part.
Either way, you need to open your eyes and realize that HE was the on who betrayed you, HE was the one who slept with someone else and without protection.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (11 October 2012):
BOOZE IS NOT AN ESCUSE! I've been drunk before, hell, I've been shit-faced before and somehow I ALWAYS remember I have a girlfriend at home waiting. I absolutely detest people who uses booze as an escuse to cheat. Guess what, that's all it is. An escuse to go out and have sex with someone else. I had a few friends who confessed to using it as a safetly line just so they can intentionally be with another girl.
Have you ever been drunk before? Have you ever been drunk to the point where you didn't know what was happening? Like having sex with someone? I highly doubt it. So are you honestly trying to believe that he was SO DRUNK that he completely forgot he had a girlfriend and a baby? Hell, by the sounds of it, he didn't even realize he was having sex. Bullsh*t.
And even if he was so drunk that he did forget all of that stuff, whose fault is that. You said it yourself. He knows she has the hots for him. So he inentionally moves in with her. Was he not smart ebough to calculate this situation?? Booze+girl who's interested=sex, plain and simple. HE'S the one that bought the liquor so he's the one who should be held responsible.
It PAINS me to see you actually trying to defend him by saying she was the one groping on him. Um, no. He had to have given her a reason to. Even if he was against it, why would he move in with her instead of you? Again, was he not smart enough to see where this would lead? Or was it that's he's so smart that he knew he could spin a half-assed story to get you on his side?
HE IS LYING. That's clear as day. I don't understand how you could actually believe his story. It's so full of holes. He wanted to have sex with her. He just didn't plan on getting her pregnant. It's very unconvincing that he just woke up in her bed without having a clue what happened. I've been shit-faced to the point where I'm literally falling over myself. But I tell you what, I do remember taking my clothes off and climbing on the bed with my girlfriend that night. If his brain was functional enough to remember how to take his clothes off and have sex, then it should have dawned on him that he had a girlfriend and a baby in his life.
It's not that hard to put two and two together. His story is false. He intentionally cheated on you. He just didn't think it would come back to bite him in the arse. This girl is sticking around because she knows that sooner or later she'll have him. There's is no doubt in her mind that he doesn't truly love you. She knows that that night wasn't a drunken mistake. It was him and her being intimate.
Until you figure that out yourself and kick him to the curb, I'm sorry but you'll undeniable feel more pain from this guy. You and your daughter deserves better. As a man, I'm telling you, this guy is trash.
I'm not spitting crap either. I too have been in this situation. My girlfriend went to a party, got drunk and had sex with some guy in the bedroom upstairs. I only found out about it through a mutual friend of ours. I dumped her on the spot. I wasn't going to hear any nonsense about how she didn't know what was happening. It doesn't work with me. I drink too and I know what's happening around me. Sure, I'm a bit more easy going and leniant, but I still know right from wrong. The same goes for your boyfriend. He knew it was wrong. He just hopes that he could get away with it. Don't let him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): What a mess at the minute..Okay there is no point crying over spilled milk... What's done is done.. If I was you and I believed this was a one night wonder that happened with this girl falling pregnant having twins etc and that was my boyfriends story..This is what I would want, him moving in with me, committing into our relationship, whether that meant an engagement or what..Him sorting out contact with his two babies only, making this legal and this girl having as minimal contact with my boyfriend.I don't blame the girl here and neither should you.. Your boyfriend should never have got drunk round her knowing that she had the hots for him and believe me he would have known..Get him to either commit or move on.. Words are not enough, it's actions now that count...You need to take the led here.. Good luck sweetie
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 I get the feeling that he is probably not being honest with you. You need to make him think you can cope without him. The real problem is he doesn't know which family to look after first. This is not a place you should be. There shouldn't be a choice when it comes to relationships. You either are or you aren't. You don't choose between a number of options. take care and move on.
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