A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey thereso for like i dont know the past month and a half maybe two months i have been dealing with my bf and the way he treats our relationhip like he doesnt need to try and make it work...its like he thinks he can act however he wants to and not have to worry about me breaking up with him because he knows i love him way too much to where i would never want to loose him. and the way he acts its just like all he does is plays video games on his xbox live and if i text him he rarely texts back because he is too busy to, and when we talk on the phone he isnt very caring i mean i say i love you and he says it back but he just rarely talks im the one doing all the talking. but i guess what im trying to get at is i havent been extremely happy in this relationship and i want to be but i did something that i shouldnt have done. friday new years i went to my friends house and we hung out with her friend which is a guy and my ex bf and we were all drinking having a good time and i guess i was all flirty with him and it turns out i left him a hicky on his neck and the next day in the morning he came over to see how me and my friend were doing and him and i cuddled on the couch and we bit each others neck again and that whole time all i could do was think about my bf and how back in august he got wasted at a party when he was dating me and i chick got him naked and gave him a bath and it was just making me so mad and i never took my clothes off or kissed him or touched any of his body parts just his neck and i guess what im getting at is should i let my bf know what happened i mean i have no feelings for my ex anymore and when him and i dated it was for like two days and we ended it because we didnt feel anything. please help me out with this i have the guiltiest gut right now and all i can think about is how dumb i am for doing that.thanks much
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Um, OK, you did what you did you told him, but girl take your power back.
He is going to give you one last chance? Yeah, right his heart won't let you go, whatever, now he is pissing me off.
He is playing this to the hilt. If you aren't happy with sitting on the couch and watching TV and he isn't showing you respect and attention, then tell him you are giving him one last chance and to stop taking you for granted and treating you like his personal sex slave....because that is how you are being treated.
You are single, you can kiss any boy you like....you didn't have sex with him and you want to be out having some fun with your friends and would like it if he came along once in awhile....Don't be a doormat. We teach people how to treat us.
Don't blame him for your make out session with the other guy...but tell him what you are feeling and what you expect and want from this arrangement the two of you have going on here....like you want to go out in public and be shown some affection.
Ok, I am done here. You do what you want, but don't say I told you so when things don't change for you. Consider going out with some other people or doing more things on your own....guys value what and who they have to work for, being an understanding, loyal, doting, doormat girlfriend is not going to get you what you want, trust me. You don't go about it by making him jealous and having drama that you did what you did to get some attention from him....wrong way to go about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni told him about what happened and he is giving me one last chance but he doesnt know if that is the right decission to make but he says his hear cant let me go
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Well, my advice to you about that is to stop being so easy. Stop going over to his house just for sex and watching TV. If he can't make an effort to see you and take you out to do things that are fun, then maybe he really doesn't care about you all that much and he is in it for the "services" you provide him.
I know that is harsh, but we are talking about a teenage guy here and his priority is to have his brand of fun.
I know you think you are about him and you don't want another guy, but I think you are feeling used here and your "episode" with the other guy was your way of getting back at him for that.
That is not the solution and it isn't healthy. I think what you need is a little self respect and dignity and you would be better off caring more about yourself for a change instead of him. Put your focus on you and start spending more time with your family and friends and go out and have fun without him, that could mean going on an actual date, not a make out session, that could mean going to a movie with a friend, what ever it is you like to do. You will be happier, more interesting and more of a challenge and then maybe he will step it up and stop taking your for granted.
I wouldn't hold your breath though. I think you just ought to be single for awhile and enjoy the things you like to do besides having sex with your boyfriend. OK?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyea it is childish i agree and i really dont wanna tell him i think the most reason why i feel guilty is cuz i had fun for once him and i never have fun we just always have sex and sit on the couch and watch tv or he plays video games...idk i guess i just want more fun and im scared to tell him that cuz then he will probably say well then go find a guy that you can have fun with but i want him cuz i do really care about him alot i dont want a different guy
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Then don't tell him. You didn't do anything terribly wrong and you already know it was a mistake and you won't let it happen again.
The only reason that you would tell him is to get rid of your feelings of guilt, but by doing that you are just putting the responsibility on him to deal with it instead. It is like throwing someone a hot potato and saying here, your turn...deal with that. Telling him will hurt him and for no reason, do you understand that. Total honesty is not always a kind thing to do.
If you had sex with the guy and intended on doing that again then yes, you owe him the truth, because he should be able to decide if he wants to stay with someone who would sleep around like that while in a relationship. You didn't do that, right. You just kissed and gave a hickey (which is childish by the way)...no more hickies!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i have talked to him and asked him why he acts that way and he says i dont know its just who i am i guess and he says he doesnt really notice how he acts but sometimes we laugh and tickle and have a good time but we both have trust issues with each other and thats what im scared of i mean i give him a bunch of chances and im scared he wont give me another chance if tell him what went on with me and my ex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): Well, then have you tried talking to him and telling him what you want him to do to change the way you feel about that? Don't assume he can read your mind, and don't expect him to change, and if you aren't happy then you have a choice to make that only you can decide.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni meant he has been there for me through my rough times in my family and i have been there for him when he has rough times in his family we support each other and idk maybe we arent right for each other and im not saying he has to change who he is to be with me i do love the way he is i jst dont think he really cares about our relationship he gave me a promise ring and told me to never take it off and that he loves me but now its just like he doesnt care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): I am saying that it is a bit unrealistic of you to expect him to be different in a relationship than he is, he is acting the way he wants to act and it isn't all about you, he just isn't going to be the kind of boyfriend that you want, you can either accept him as he is or take my advice and keep your freedom and not be so tied down just because you have been through so much. What exactly have you been through? Fighting and making up does not mean that you have been through so much that you have invested so much that it makes sense to stay so attached....it is a sign that this isn't really working right now in your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyea that is good advice its just i have been off and on with this guy for the past year and him and i have been trough so much and i just have so much feelings for him and i feel guilty with what i did but then again im still pissed that he acts this way in our relatonship
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): I am assuming your current boyfriend is a boy about your age 16-17?The things you are saying that your boyfriend doesn't want to work hard enough to keep you around or do the things you expect him to do are very typical of a boy his age.Boys his age play a lot of video games,They don't have much to say on the phoneThey like to hang out with their friendsThey don't say I love you because they really don't know what they feel about you, they like you and that's about the extent of it.Boys his age are too young to be really serious with a girl and they don't show good judgement because their brains are not yet fully developed. They do stupid things like get drunk, but they don't all do stupid things like get naked with a girl and take a bath? Why are you still calling him your boyfriend when he did that?I think you are young and don't always have good judgement, so you made out with a guy you used to go out with....oh, well....why tell your boyfriend about that?Kissing and making out isn't illegal nor is it really cheating in my book because you two are not really all that serious anyway, you are dating, not engaged, not married.I personally think you are wasting your time and emotional energy on this one boy, when you could actually be spending time with several boys and dating and having fun, and I am not talking about getting naked with them, I am talking about getting to do some different things and meet some different people.I hope that you will put most of your focus on yourself and your school work and your school activities and make some future goals like furthering your education because that is your main job in life right now, is to get an education, not get all hung up on one guy no matter how special you think he is, he really isn't, he is too young to be a great boyfriend to you.That comes later with maturity....so try to see the big picture here and move on with yourself....Take care of you.
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 January 2010):
The fact you did it shows how your relationship with your current boyfriend isn't working. So maybe that's a problem you need to address. Don't tell him about your ex, but seriously look at all the other problems.
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