A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I'm new to online dating, and could really use some advice:I've been communicating with this guy over OkCupid for over 3 months. We're both students, facebook friends, and have regularly exchanged messages every other day or so since December. He's in Iowa, I'm in Illinois. He will be visiting me in Chicago this Sunday. He was quite sensible about this; he booked a room at a youth hostel, and told me he intends to leave mon or tues, though he has not decided yet. I'm guessing this means that he leaves the door open for if we get along, to spend more time together, but also keeps an exit in case we don't get along at all, and then it's not creepy or awkward, right?So, I have an extra mattress in my apartment (actually the top bunk of my bunk bed) that's unused. Would it be awkward, if we get along, to let him sleep there? I'm not familiar with first meeting etiquette in these long distance conditions, please fill me in.Thanks,confused girl
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female
reader, Deagan +, writes (12 March 2012):
 Yeah, it's still a safety factor. I hope you made him stay at his hotel.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2012): Ok, I have an update on the situation:
he was injured in a martial arts tournament, and will be on crutches and wearing a leg boot when I meet him? Is this still a safety factor now???
He's such a trooper though; still making the effort to see me despite his injury!
Thanks,
confused girl
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 March 2012):
 Agreed it's a safety issue more than a "i'm quick and easy" issue.
do not get in a car with him
do not let him in you home
do not be anywhere alone with him
get to know him first then you can progress it.
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A
male
reader, xnickx +, writes (6 March 2012):
 Ignore anon, deagan is right.
Telling a guy he can stay over is a huge signal...
And if you don't know this guy, and don't trust him, you don't know what kind of guy this really is.
'Some fun' as anon described can go awfully wrong. It would be much safer for you if he stayed in the hotel.
Best wishes,
Nick.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): No no no no ... the issue here is not *etiquette* but *safety*. If you've haven't met in person yet then you can't assume that you know anything about him. When you're together stay in public places for the first few dates; don't go to his hotel room or invite him to your apartment until you have a better sense of who he is and what he's like (definitely not on this first visit, though). Be smart and be safe!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): Don't be surprised if he makes a move on you.
Telling a guy he can stay over is a huge signal....
If you ABSOLUTELY don't want anything to happen early don't let him.
If you don't mind some fun, then go ahead...
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (5 March 2012):
Do not let a guy sleep over if it will be your first time meeting him. You have to trust a guy first before you make that step. Please do the sensible and safe thing by having him stay at his hotel.
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