A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been asking for advice regarding my ldr before, so this is not the firts time im posting, i tried to post a while ago but it was rejected due to lack of information, so i will try to give as much info as i can keeping it short.I have a long distance girlfriend, she is 22 and she is currently in Europe. i met her in the country i live about two years ago thru friends in a party and started dating a couple of months before her return to her country. we agreed to remain together and give it a shot. She is awesome but lately i've start to think maybe im not a good match for her.Im Clingy, needy, insecure, I hate she has a male best friend, ( I have never belived in male-female just friends relationships) i hate she gets hit on all the time because she is super attractive, she is not that much of affectionate -but she is trying- she almost never says or writes sweet things like "i love you", she never calls me, i 've been seriously hurt in the past because of my cheatting gilrfriends so i need constant reasurance. However I love her very much and kind of trust her. she has no clue of how i feel, i havnt talk about it because im afraid to push her away from me with this. but now its killing me. Im seriously re-thinking my relationship and to break up with her. Im falling deeply in love and the idea she may hurt me sometime in the future terrifies me. She has never given me a reason to doubt about her, (its just she is young, very attractive and in school she may find some pretty boy ) Im just hoping for the best and hanging on. we spend a couple of weeks every time we are together, like every two months max, i have been with her familiy and friends and they are very nice people as well and she has done certain things that shows she really cares about me. Im a very good guy, good at heart and work hard for her, we have been together roughly 1 year, I dont want to lose her but sometime i think we should be better off each other. we are planning to move together when she finishes school in two years, the problem is i have invested way too much in time, emotions and why not, money too, to let everything go to waste. How is it possible that now that i found my perfect match im so afraid of her? so much that i may end up breaking up? how can i not completely trust the girl i would do anything for? any toughts about what im going thru will be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): Well the problem you have is long distance.any long distance relationship will take a toll on you. and if you have been in an abusive relationship with a cheating partner before, the prospects of it succeeding are slim.I think you should talk to her about it, about your previous break -up, about the long distance making you insecure.. and I think she will understand .. and be a little more sensitive to your needs.just do it in a way that is not offensive to her. she is a young girl and she may not even be aware of these things... encourage her to be open with you, try and spend more time with her... don't let things bog you down.. remember what you like about her and do fun things with her.I know this is wrong but could it be that you are getting bored of her and not being able to admit it?Just try and open up to her about it.. and if she loves you she will try and be more forthcoming.If she is insensitive even after that.. then you can rethink your options.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much all of you for your advice, after thinking too much, I wrote down terribly honest list pro's and con's about this relationship. I'm gonna give it a try. I'm aware she is not my ex's so I should trust her. if she is with me is because of many guys chasing her she picked me. I will try to have that in mind and hope for the best. Only time will tell if she is the one. In the meantime I will start looking for counselling.
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A
male
reader, MrBrightside90  +, writes (17 January 2013):
Hey man,
Ive read your whole story, and Im really sorry for the stuff you are going through bro hang in there.
The sentence that struck me most was; "she is not that much of affectionate -but she is trying- she almost never says or writes sweet things like "i love you", she never calls me,"
This brings me back to the whole give and take of a relationship. A relationship should always, I repeat always, be a two way stream. I really would consider investing your love and time into someone who never calls you. A person in love would be affectionate and passionate to talk to you.
I hope you find the strength to pull through.
Take care!
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A
male
reader, MrBrightside90 +, writes (17 January 2013):
Hey man,
Ive read your whole story, and Im really sorry for the stuff you are going through bro hang in there.
The sentence that struck me most was; "she is not that much of affectionate -but she is trying- she almost never says or writes sweet things like "i love you", she never calls me,"
This brings me back to the whole give and take of a relationship. A relationship should always, I repeat always, be a two way stream. I really would consider investing your love and time into someone who never calls you. A person in love would be affectionate and passionate to talk to you.
I hope you find the strength to pull through.
Take care!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2013): What you need to do is go get some professional help to work through your issues. Breaking it off with your current girlfriend is not going to solve anything because you will only do the same thing with the next girl you meet and want to start a relationship with.
Work on yourself first....and her being in another country is probably a blessing right now so you can get into therapy and sort out your problems privately.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (17 January 2013):
 I need to talk to you in private. I am dealing with a very similar situation. Send me a message and I'll get back to you.
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A
female
reader, Dayzy +, writes (17 January 2013):
If you are going to sabotage any chances you have with this girl, you will probably do the same with any future potential relationships so you best deal with this now.1. Let HER be the one to decide if she likes you or not.2. Get professional help for your insecurities. 3. If you have any good friends that have good social skills ask for their help to improve your own. 4. If you think you aren't good enough you won't be. Confidence is the key. 5. You can always get someone to give you a make-over. Remember bashful Bradley on Aussie Big Brother. He'd never kissed a girl. The hms gave him a make-over and a few tips and he thought he could conquer the world after that.
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