A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for just under 2 years and I love him to the moon and back. He has severe depression and I feel it's rubbed off on me. I don't go out, I feel so bad about myself, I can't be bothered to get out of bed and I feel worthless. Our relationship is complicated, controlling ex who he's too scared to tell our relationship to in case she uses kid as a weapon (even after 2 years) I've met his family but can't socialise or go out with them in case the ex finds out. At first I was fine with this but my friends told me that no one should be treated like this. He spends his days off work (works unsociable hours) with the kid which I'm happy about, but I don't spend full days with him, only nights where we sometimes go watch a film or go for a walk. But he's usually too tired to do anything so just end up asleep in bed for 9pm.I feel that I don't have the courage to walk away, I don't feel that someone could ever love me, I feel low and don't feel beautiful. He's my first love and I'll never feel this again with anyone, he's so special to me but I know he doesn't feel the same. I want the family, the house and the babies and he's already done that. I know he has to stay in touch with his ex but it drives me crazy. I want to walk away because I'm not being treated right but I just can't do it, I'm scared to be alone (silly I know) any advice for someone leaving their first love and helping to move on?
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female
reader, Petina57 +, writes (27 January 2016):
 Sounds like you are just fitting into a little box of his making. He's had the life, the kid and now the x is dictating to him. I wouldn't be suprised
if he's not still seeing her in some capacity for her to emotionally blackmail him with the kid. He has rights to see the child by law. She really can't stop him so that in itself is a feeble excuse. He's depressed? I'll bet you are as well. You need to sit him down and talk to him. Tell him you aren't going into hiding and ask him to seek advise so that he can have proper set times where he sees his child. Hope this helps
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 January 2016):
 What a horrible lifestyle you have allowed yourself to be drawn into. Your friends are right, nobody should be treated like this.
I need you to know that you DO have the courage to walk away, because you have already taken the first step in recognising that you need to make some changes. There are a lot of people who don't get as far as accepting changes need to be made, so you are already in front.
Don't allow the fear of being alone stop you from taking care of yourself .... make the second step enlisting the help of your friends, tell them you are wanting out of the relationship but are worried about being alone. Ask them if they will spend more time with you for the first 4 to 6 weeks to help you get over the initial bump.
While they are keeping company explore avenues that might be available to open up your life and get you out and about again .... baby steps to start. Join a book club, enrol for a night course, volunteer somewhere, be it visiting an old persons home or taking a shift in an Op Shop.
If this no hoper of a boyfriend tries to re kindle the relationship put some ground rules in place, you want to socialise, you want to meet his children, you want to be able to go out with his family, you want recognition of your place in his life and you want a commitment that in a few years you will have the whole box and dice, being a wedding, a family, a house and regulated access visits to and from his other children.
Accept no less, and don't give him any time to dither and pull you back ......... its all or nothing, or shove off!
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