A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is Italian and I'm from the UK. We have been together 4 years. I gave up everything and moved to Italy so we could be together. We are practically married and often talk about starting a family. Things were good for the first couple of years but for the last 10 months it's all just been downhill. I feel neglected by him. When he comes home from work he will sit in a different room to me and just watch tv. We only have sex about 3 times a month and he use to be all over me so he must be getting it from someone else. He isn't interested in anything I have to say. I've tried to talk to him about it and he just says I love you nothings wrong. I feel so lonely. I have no friends here and I'm not close to my family. The few friends I did have back in Enland have turned their back on me and hardly get in touch. I have no one to talk to. I don't feel loved and I don't even feel like I love him any more because of the way he treats me. I've given up everything and have nothing to go back to. I don't know where to turn. Should I stay and hope things get better? Or do I leave him and start all over again. I don't even know where to start.
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female
reader, Beatriceandjohn +, writes (12 October 2012):
Oh I understand completely I am from Spain and left everything and came to the uk and luckily the relationship has worked but when things between us weren't so cool I felt terrible! I also dream about going back to sunny Spain though... Talk to him and say either you change mate or I'm gonna go to never be seen again! Good luck xxx
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 October 2012):
 Hi
Phone your parents/family, tell them you want to come home. Thats where you start.Theres no shame attached,you have tried and it hasn't worked out.Don't lose yourself anymore.
Or simply buy a one way ticket.Many people start from scratch for many reasons,your young with years ahead of you.As soon as you walk away you will feel lighter because you've DONE something for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): I do work but I haven't really managed to make friends. I use to be such a confident outgoing person but I feel like a different person now. The relationship is all about him. We live where he wants we see his family we go out when he wants. I've made so many sacrifices he's made none. If I leave him I wouldn't even know where to go or what to do. I hate that I have let things get to this. I feel so lost
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 October 2012):
Hi
Sounds like the honeymoon period is over and reality has kicked in. You sound very unhappy which is why you have written.Your friends haven't abandoned you,they're just getting on with life where they are.Same as your family,they will assume your happy in Italy.
Relationships do change as time goes on, but your man doesn't sound like he's putting much effort in.Does he know how unhappy you are,have you had a REAL talk about how your feeling and why?
Do you work? Do you have friends there? Do you see his family? Or is your life just him and you?
If you HAVE already talked properly and tried everything to settle in, then its time to pack up and head home, for your own sake.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): I'm 28 and he's 29 but I feel like we are both about 50. We shouldn't have these problems so early on. He wants to get married but I don't want to marry someone who I feel doesn't even notice I exist. We haven't even slept in the same bed for the last few weeks and he still seems to think that there isn't a problem.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 October 2012):
 It's not necessarily that he is cheating. Some people are wired to get bored with the same partner every day, while some luckier ones are able to maintain a decent sex life. It doesn't mean he no longer loves you. You said you are practically married but you are not married. Did he still want to start a family? If he does and that you are hesistant because of the lack of sex, then maybe you want to consider whether you could forget mr. right and settle for mr. good enough. Love means different things when you are 30 or 40. The older you get, the more eligible men become less available. Once you are single again, you will find that men who chase passion and excitement are the ones who will never want a family, and they are the ones who will go after younger girls. Your boyfriend is not treating you bad, he is just not the hunk that exists in the romance novels. If you can go into a marriage with the realistic expectations that it is more about family life than passion and excitement, then you won't be disappointed.
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