A
female
age
36-40,
*sabella1987
writes:Please help. I am so confused. I don't know what to do now. I date with this guy for 2 years now. He is 8 years older then me and he said I am his first girlfriend. He said he use to date before but nobody take him serious. He is kind of plain (ugly teeth). But he is funny, sweet, and take care of me. So I move in together with him. He is Spanish and I am Asian. We're completely different culture. He don't like my culture and I don't like his. We fight 2 or 3 times every week. I feel like I love him. I guess, cause I feel jealous when he look at other girls, and I worry about him. I don't like when he don't pay attention to me. But I am sick and tired of fighting and stuff.Now, I am in his country.(Puerto Rico) we met in Arizona. He decided to move. We arrived in Puerto Rico for a month already. I thought everything will be fine. But he told me everything in Arizona and when we got here everything is completely different. I am so upset. I left everything behind for him. My car, apartment and my job. My parents still live in AZ. We fight everyday about those culture and he want me to be socialite like a Spanish girls. I told him I am Spanish and I can't kiss to nobody like Spanish people hugging and stuff. We fight about things like that. He know me the way I am and he try to change my personl. He listen to his family a lot. Now he change his attitude and everything. Me, I don't do nothing. Stay home 24 hours and boring. I am so depressed. I don't know the place so, I can't go out. He always busy with his family and his work. He don't have time for me. I told him to go back to Arizona and start over. He don't want it anymore. He said if I wanted to go then go by myself. He never going to live in United State anymore. What can I do now? Do I need to live unhappy life and depressing. My parents told me to come back and start my life again. Back to school. The problem is I don't know if I can forget him or not. How can I get over him? Some time he told me he don't want me to go back and change my culture. And he cry. I just can't. I am Asian. I'm shy a lot. I am 21 years old. I don't think I'll meet anybody like him again. I just so confused. When I think about to leaving him I just cried. But I don't want to live my life like that. I want to have job. He don't want me to work. He want me to stay home and have babies. He is very smart. When we fight he always win. He know how to talk and hurt me with his words. Sometime I can't take it anymore. After fight he just change and sweet again. Its like a game. all the time. Please help me! what can I do now? Live with him unhappy life or leave him and back to school and get career. What's the best way to do. I want to live happy life. Please help me. Sorry about my English. I just came to United State for 5years. Sorry!!:)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): Hi. Try telling him you would like to spend a couple of weeks with your parents. Go home to your parents just for a break and then decide where you are happiest. Good luck x
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 September 2009):
I agree with the post below. Go back to the USA and start over again. There'll be other guys, so don't worry. Better to happy with the right guy than unhappy with the wrong one.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): Go back to the USA and start your life over.The most important thing in life is to be happy. In time you'll forget him and meet someone who is better for you.I thought your English was fine
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A
female
reader, lilacfox +, writes (28 September 2009):
 This is very sad, I am sorry to read that you are going through this.
Have you tried to talk to him about this without fighting and arguing? Is there a language barrier? ie: do you both speak English to each other but he is better at it?
I don't think it is the age difference that is the problem, however, it does sound like he is using his age and experience (knowledge of words etc.) to his advantage.
Surely he must realise what you have given up to be with him?
Maybe you could sit down somewhere quiet when you are alone, and write out 2 lists. 1 list write down all the things about the relationship that are good, and the other list write down all the things that you are not happy with.
From what you say, it sounds like this man has total control over your life. You are trapped in a place with nowhere to run. He doesn't even meet you halfway (compromise). You both want different things out of life, and out of the relationship, you want a job and independence, and he wants to tie you to the house and kids.
When there are SO much differences between two people, the relationship can only work if BOTH people try to understand EACH OTHER. The only person here doing any kind of understanding is you.
Do you think this is fair?
Do you think it is fair that he expect you to change your culture, personality, life, country of residence... and he change NOTHING?
If one of your friends came to you with this problem, what would you say to her?
The games he is playing is mental abuse.
The way I see this is it can only get worse if he is unwilling to make some compromise.
You are young enough to start your life again, although you will have to be very brave and strong in order to do this.
I wish you all the best in whatever you decide, please feel free to write to me on here if you want to talk some more.
x
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