A
female
age
30-35,
*amieLou
writes:I'm in a bit of a tricky situation. I'm almost 17 and my boyfriend is 19. I just recently found out i am pregnant, my boyfriend says he doesn't feel he's ready to be a dad and feels i should abort but says it's my decision, he'll be there no matter what. He's also worried we may break up and the baby will come from a broken home. He would also like me to finish school and have a baby in 2 years. I worry my mum will kick me out but am not definitely sure, and he worries his mum would do the same. I have said he won't know if he's ready until the baby comes and we won't know about breaking up until we do, the same with the parent situation. I really want to keep the baby, i will do my home course for the 2 years so i am there for the baby, and get an evening job as my boyfriend works during the days. I am ready for all of the consequences of having a baby at this age and think my boyfriend would make an amazing dad as he is the most amazing guy i have ever met. I want to do what he wants and don't want to force him into anything but i really would like to keep our baby. Like i said, he will be there whatever the outcome. PLease help me? What should i do?? Thank you... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): no you should think of what future you will have
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female
reader, JamieLou +, writes (14 May 2009):
JamieLou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all who helped me...It actually made me cry reading your responses... I still have my heart wanting this, i'm just scared of losing my boyfriend...i in no way want to trap him with a baby, its completly immature, i just don't want to lose him over this...
Thank you guys, you really raised my heart.
xxx
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female
reader, klz +, writes (13 May 2009):
 To tell you the truth...I believe you have already decided in your heart what to do.. I have had 2 abortions now that i was talked into by my boyfriend( cus he said he wasnt ready) and its screwed me up so much because i wanted to keep them. and i have just found out now that i am again pregnant and yep he`s still not ready and wants me to abort....but my way of thinking is that...men come nd go out of our lifes..but our children will always be there..
One way to look at it...is having children your age, you may not be able to go out nd av fun but when your children grow up...you`ll still be young enough to do the things you wanted to do. all the best and hope you do whats right for YOU.. hope all goes well and if you have decided to keep it...im sure you will make a fantastic mother xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): It appears to me that a few of your replies are not necesserily against abortion but more pro life.You are 17 and have your whole life ahead of you, yes you can have a child and still make a good life for yourself but it is very difficult and can sometimes be depressing. I had my first child at 20 and still felt that I was too young to be tied down. Let make one thing absolutely clear keeping this child will not keep the man, too many young girls make rash decisions to have babies thinking that it will trap the father. WRONG! You could end up on the poverty line or depending on the support of your family you may be alright but you have no guarantee no matter what your ex says that he will support you.A lot of young boys turn out to be different men when they finally grow up and if anything like my old situation I ended up loathing my childs father and could not understand what I saw in him in the first place. I now have the rest of my life knowing that a man I hate is the father of my child (who I love very much) because of a rash decision.I had a lot and I mean a lot of family support and yes the father was supportive for the first few years but when other women became more important to him then came along other children, this is when his attention to my child faded.It will always be your choice at the end of the day but you really need to have a good think about it after all you have your whole life just waiting for you to plan out and do something fantastic for yourself.Remember think about what is best for you at this moment in time not your ex or the embryo.All the best and good luck for the future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): isn't it interesting that all the people who are pro-abortion are already born?i would highly reccomend not aborting. there are so many reasons not to. it's a very hard thing to get over, emotionally-wise. i know many girls who have had abortions, and all of them have regretted it. why do people always forget the option of adoption? there are literally thousands of barren couples out there, who would do anything for a child, while people who find them "inconvenient" kill them without a second thought. be wise and loving in your decisions. good luck dearest.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): What would your answer be if you were holding your little one in your arms right now? Could you even consider termination? Why should it be any different just because your little one is in your belly? I have two sisters who had abortions. It's not something a girl gets over no matter what people tell you. The oldest feels so guilty she has tried to overcompensate to make up for it. She now has 5 kids and is currently adopting another 2. She can't seem to forgive herself. My other sister was 16 and had already had 1 abortion when she got pregnant a 2nd time. This was 15 years ago when we were just kids ourself. She was still traumatized from the first abortion and it was easy for me to talk her out of doing it again. But ever since then for the past 15 years she complains that she is awakened in the middle of the night by her baby crying for her. She has also never gotten over the abortion. Her second child was born and is now 14 and a very special smart young girl. Don't do it. Ending the life of your child is exactly that. Dont be fooled that it's o.k. just because it is not born. You will live with this the rest of your life no matter what you decide. But at least by having the child you will be living with the right decision. It's your blood, your flesh, your baby. Tell your boyfriend to man up. He was man enough to have unprotected sex with you, he can be man enough to live with the results. Keep your baby!
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reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (12 May 2009):
 Hon, I think you sould listen to your heart (which is already giving you an answer). I was 19 when I had my 1st, and ended up leaving the dad (he was a prick, for lack of a better word). It wasnt easy, but I am so happy to have my son. He is my rock, my reason, my roots, my true love. The hard stuff felt easy because of my love for him. I am 26 now and have 2 more babies with my now husband, and I absolutley LOVE being a mommy. I guess, however, mothering is not for everyone. Anyway, it sounds like you know already what it is you want to do. And, for the record, your mom is a good mom, right? Any good mother would never put her daughter and grandchild out on the street. Don't be afraid, be mature, and sure of your decision. Lots of love and luck!
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reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (12 May 2009):
Hon, I think you sould listen to your heart (which is already giving you an answer). I was 19 when I had my 1st, and ended up leaving the dad (he was a prick, for lack of a better word). It wasnt easy, but I am so happy to have my son. He is my rock, my reason, my roots, my true love. The hard stuff felt easy because of my love for him. I am 26 now and have 2 more babies with my now husband, and I absolutley LOVE being a mommy. I guess, however, mothering is not for everyone. Anyway, it sounds like you know already what it is you want to do. And, for the record, your mom is a good mom, right? Any good mother would never put her daughter and grandchild out on the street. Don't be afraid, be mature, and sure of your decision. Lots of love and luck!
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reader, CommonSpencer +, writes (12 May 2009):
If your feelings are that you want to have this baby then have it. Your boyfriend is probably scared and doesn't know how to handle this situation and reacting with this idea of abortion. If you are secure with the idea of having the baby and raising it right, things will work out. My friend had almost the same exact scenario happen to him and they went ahead and had the baby and gave it up for adoption to two loving parents that could not have their own because they did not feel that they could raise it right. So whatever route you choose it is your decision. Don't let people scare you into making your decision.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): Make three lists: what will happen with each choice; abortion, keeping, adoption.
Remember, ALL THREE of these markets think they are RIGHT. And they all think the other two are WRONG. So you need to put on the analytical cap the best you can. Next, choose the list of consequences YOU want, then go with it.
For legitimate information on consequences of abortion, ask those whom have had an abortion.
For legitimate information on consequences of adoption, ask those whom have adopted their own baby.
For legitimate information about consequences of keeping the baby, ask those who have kept their baby.
List all of these out, then choose. But don't don't don't choose based on emotion and philosophy. USE THE KNOWLEDGE OF THOSE WHOM HAVE GONE BEFORE YOU.
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reader, lovingwoman10 +, writes (12 May 2009):
keep the baby! please do not terminate an innocent child because you made a mistake.It isn't fair and you will feel great when you see your beautiful baby in your arms! Right now it all seems chaotic and like a bad dream but in the end, a baby is a true gift! You can still live the life you want to live, it just may not be as easy as it may have been when you weren't a mother. But everyone goes through unexpected changes in life and thats what makes life so great! You never know whats coming next. But just stay strong and give your baby a chance at life. Even adoption is a healthy plan to consider but not abortion. Trust me, you will regret it. Your baby will change the person you are for the better :)
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reader, sammi star +, writes (12 May 2009):
 I can really relate to your problem. I was 16 when I fell pregnant and completely overwhelmed. Even though I felt this way I was sure I wanted to keep my baby. If this is what you really want then go for it. I'm not gonna lie and tell you it's easy because it's not but it doesn't have to mean the end of your life either. I carried on with school while pregnant and went to college and work full time once my daughter was born. Sure, you have to make a lot of sacrifices-I lost touch with a lot of friends because I couldn't go out at the drop of a hat and and the sleepness nights are exhausting. But all this is worth it if you're really ready and want this baby. I'm sure your mum will be shocked and upset but she loves you and will come around in the end. I really hope you let me know what you decide to do, I'll be thinking of you. Good luck hun.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): I can't say anymore than what has been said already, but i can give you my own opinion.
I just think if you are saying you want it, go with it, like previous poster said, you would regret it. Unless you are 100percent certain that you don't want it, keep it. It is a life that is going to be taken away, just because youre not up to the challenge. If you arn't, then yes, adoption is an option.
If you feel YOU are ready, go for it i say.
Youre parents will be very very mad and i may need somewhere to stay for a couple of nights, but your mum will not through you out. you are still her daughter no matter what you have done. She will understand you need her more now than less and this is what mothers are there for. She may be angry, but she will be there for you.
Hope this helps!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): First and most importantly, the desicion has to be something you can live with.
I can understand your boyfriends views on this, but in the event of the child comming from a broken home, it will still have two loving parents.
At the end of the day the ultimate desicion has to come from you as you are the one who will either carry this child for nine months and give birth to it, or living with the knowledge of having an abortion.
I believe children are a beautiful gift, i will not lie and say its all plain sailing though, they need lots of love and affection, guidance, attention, time, understanding, patience, they bring us happiness, maybe sorrow at times, your life will change completely...
I wish you well and happiness, do whats right for you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): i was sort of in the same situation that you are in...the only difference is i was 20 and he was 17..lol and he was ready for the baby and i wasnt...i was still in college he had already finished highschool and we both worked...i was afraid mostly of what my mom would say...she is very strict with the BIBLE and the laws to abide by. He wanted to keep the baby but he says it was my decision...So i made that decision and i aborted, one month later we broke up...Go Figure! If you are ready to become a mother do it but remember you cant go back and change if things dont work out with you and ur bf...just know that you teach ur baby to be the best they are capable of being...basically you do what you think is right...so many women make the right decision but its up to you to know what that right decision is for YOU, i believe i did!!! GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND UR BF AND THE DECISION YOU MAKE
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): If you get an abortion, you won't have to take pills. You'll be given a localized anesthetic, and sedated if you request it. The nurses there are trained to be supportive and kind and speak softly and understand what brought you there.
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reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (12 May 2009):
 None of us can make the decision for you, its something that you have to do yourself.
You can do a number of things.
Abortion - Not the most pleasant option and afterwards you might regret it as this child is a part of you. You will be sat in a room and will have to take pills which will cause contractions in your uterus causing a termination to the pregnancy. This could be quite painful to you, but once you have done it theres no going back.
Adoption - Putting you child into care is another option. This way your child will still have a life but will be brought up in either a care home or by other parents which may want different things for your child and may stop you from having contact with your child until the age of 18.
Keeping the baby - You will have to mature very quickly because you will be supporting a life that is depending on you for survival. This means lots of sleepless nights and giving the baby constent attention.
Your boyfriend says hes behind you all the way whatever decision you make. Look over all the options and choice the one that you think is right, i know its very hard but you will get through it as you have a loving boyfriend supporting you all the way.
Good luck honey :)
Livia
xoxox
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): I think if you decide to keep the baby you need to prepare yourself for being a single parent and make sure you have visitation/child support in place. It will be a hard road and he's said himself he's not ready so this baby won't bring the two of you closer together. More than likely, he'll want his freedom BIG TIME and not want to be saddled down with adult responsibilities!
I think if you believe that the two of you will get married as a result of this, then you are sadly disillusioned and your expectations will make you very miserable. Talk with your mother and come up with a plan to raise this child and continue your schooling with her support.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): I am pro abortion. Here are the reasons why:
Abortion eliminates the statistically high risk of the unwanted child's: 1. Low education, Poverty upbringing, and The child's criminal expectancy to only name a few.
Abortion eliminates your statistically inept ability to provide a stable, loving, and secure environment.
Abortion eliminates a statistically high risk of you not achieving your educational, career, and personal goals.
I am also pro abortion because I've had one. I am glad I did.
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