A
female
age
30-35,
*abi0grl08
writes:So i have been with this guy for almost a year. problem is that he has been in jail for the past 5 months. i truly miss him and with every phone call, letter, card, and email i get from him, its like i fall more in love with him! in every thing i get from him, its like he always tells me how much he is in love with me and how much he loves me. i'm just scared this is just jail talk! i feel like i shouldn't feel this way because he went and had my name tattooed on his neck. everyone that i talk to about him say that he isn't being sincere but they have never read anything he has sent to me and they never spent time with me and him when he was out! i need some advice...should i keep on keeping on with this relationship or should i like quietly back down?
View related questions:
in jail, tattoo Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, babi0grl08 +, writes (18 August 2011):
babi0grl08 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe crime that he first committed to even be on parole did not have to do with any violence. I feel as if I took into some part of him violating his parole. He was constantly at my place even when he was supposed to be at his Aunt's house. So I understand that we both have to suffer with him being in prison. He is doing programs at the institution to better himself like taking college courses and offender programs and other life courses. He is even a tutor inside of there. I am happy that he is trying to make the best of this but I am talking to other guys. However, its like every guy I meet or start talking to, its like I'm always comparing them to him and its as if they will never be able to give me the same type of feeling that he does when he was out of or in prison. I know him having a criminal past is going to affect my future in some ways; I guess I am trying to do everything slowly because I truly am scared of what the future will hold once he gets out! I don't want to just love him for what he is doing for me (gifts, letters, and phone calls), but we had some issues before he went in. That's why I told him we definitely need some type of counseling when he gets out to see exactly where we both stand in this relationship. Lately, me and him have gotten deeper into religion and I have even found myself going back to church; I believe this is making us stronger in way. I just don't know how REAL his feelings are and probably won't know until he gets out sadly. :-(
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 Do you know what his crime was? if was for anything that included violence you need to walk away.
...............................
A
male
reader, Anonymousmale1 +, writes (16 August 2011):
 You are a very impressionable young woman, and you most definitely want to believe that what he is saying is true. Maybe he does love you and then again maybe he is simply attempting to hang on to something on the outside as an incentive for getting up every morning.
However, lets go with the premise that he is indeed sincere, ok? However, you must also take a good look at the real issues with this type of man. If he is incarcerated, its not because he is innocent. Yes, I am aware that some individuals have been falsely accused, but as a whole this is pretty rare.
Since he is in jail right now then you have to assume that he did something that he shouldn't have done. For this to occur it shows that he has very little respect for himself, or the people that love and care for him. You see, when people are incarcerated, those that love and care for them suffer as well. A large portion of this suffering is caused by humiliation and disgrace brought on by an individual whom only thought of himself.
So now, if he has shown that type of blatant disregard for his family, what makes you think he'll be different with you?
Lets move forward and look at some things you may not have considered in your desire to feel wanted. Even when he is released, he'll still be in jail. Why? Because every time something occurs that slightly resembles the crime he committed in the past, local Law Enforcement Agencies will be a beeline to your house. Are you prepared for this type of life? Do your future children deserve a life such as this, because their mom chose to look past all of the available, eligible honest men to fall into the arms of a person with a past he probably won't be able to shake, ever!
How much respect do you think you'll get in your career or from other men once they discover that you are with a guy who was once incarcerated?
I don't know what it was that he did to get into this situation, but jail house tats with your name is not real love. What it does is display to the world his past and your involvement in it. By placing that on his neck shows that he is proud of his situation in life and he cannot wait to show the world that he was once in jail (which he'll call prison).
Normal men would shun that type of attention electing instead to better their lives by taking courses and quietly integrating themselves back into society.
Oh, by the way you do know that if his act was a felony, you and he will never vacation outside this country because he'll never be able to get a Passport. Not to mention that when he finally gets out, you'll have another member in your relationship called a probation officer. Are you prepared to go through all of this only for one day him to decide that he really doesn't love you? This is possible, you do know that, right?
So yeah, as you said in your question, maybe you should quietly back down. Find yourself a nice respectful young man who understands that whatever he does affects you and your future as well. You deserve someone who thinks about you and will show you his love in a more suitable way other than a tattoo. Like telling you that he loves you everyday, in person without bars.
Goodluck!
...............................
|
