A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It’s been two years now that I feel attracted to a man at my workplace. The problem is that he’s married. Yeah, I already know what you’ll tell me: Stay away from him. I’ve done so for the past two years but I still feel the same attraction. I know very well what it is to date a taken man. It never ends well. I have always hidden my feelings for him and I think I will never be able to open up as I really don’t know how to approach him and tell him this. I know it’s totally wrong but I would like to date him even if it’s for only one time. I’m prepared to face the consequences. I think he likes me too. I just don’t know how to approach him and I’m afraid of his reaction. Thanks for your help
View related questions:
married man, workplace Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (18 August 2011):
 Well said, eyeswideopen!OP, you are to be commended for choosing not to act upon your feelings after all! Hopefully, you'll be able to feel good about doing the right thing, and glad that he is (presumably) happy with his wife........IF he should ever separate from her and get divorced (a big IF) and then approaches you when his divorce is final, that would be a very different situation.HOWEVER, PLEASE don't count on that or hang onto what I just said as a faint hope!!You'd do much better to begin looking at guys who are single, and who are nice, decent men who'd appreciate you for who you are......
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 August 2011):
 I'm glad you didn't "succomb to(your)my desires" and succombed to your common sense instead.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (17 August 2011):
"First of all, try to talk with him a little more and develop a friendship"
For what?! This is a very bad idea. The ONLY instance in which it MIGHT possibly be okay (and probably not even then, given the OP's feelings about this man) would be to invite both the co-worker AND HIS WIFE to have lunch with her.......
OP: better to leave it alone, and start turning your attention to single men!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): First of all, try to talk to him a little more and develop a friendship. Don't be so worried so much about hiding your feelings. Just accept them and be yourself. Then ask him out for a coffee and see what he says. That is all you have to do. Innocent enough between co-workers.
...............................
A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (16 August 2011):
i wouldnt approach him personally what will happen if his wife finds out and if he has children what will it do to them could you really be that selfish and split a family up just for the sake of a affair they always end up with both families getting hurt
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): "It never ends well."Exactly, so what is it about you that you want to get into something that you know will end up with hurt for multiple people.When you want to do this, go get advice, and then the advice is "don't do it" then what?Then, get a counselor.I like what another poster said."if he is a man worth his salt he will turn you down, if he is as low as you then approaching him won't be a problem and in that case the wife deserves better!"I'd only add one thing, "you will deserve what you get".
...............................
A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (16 August 2011):
 So you know what you're getting into with this married man? Do you know about the hurt you will cause to his wife? His children His parents? Her parents? How about the trouble your sordid affair will cause at work? I'd say you know NOTHING about dating a married man. I didn't bother listing how dating a mrried man might hurt you because it strikes me you have no self-respect or consideration for yourself or anyone else.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers. I see that many of you think that I'm a low person without any morals. I cannot control my feelings but I can control my actions. That's what I've been doing for two years now. To be honest, it all started because of him. But, I never showed to him that I felt something for him. We rarely work together but we see each other often and I try my best not to give him any clues of my feelings. I just wanted to succomb to my desires, that's all. But, after reading your comments, I understand that I don't want to be used or feel rejected. Thanks.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): NOW READ MY POST VERY VERY CAREFULLY!!!
You DO NOT in any way shape or form no what you are getting into! This is a very dangerous game and it seems you need stressing about the reality of this situation. I have been the mistress of a married man and I'm telling you now you may think you are prepared but no woman in her right mind is!
Dating a married man takes away your self esteem/self respect/your dignity/freedom/self worth...everything that makes you a woman! You will soon become a weak little girl inside because no matter what you say or think you have absolutly no idea of the pain this situation causes YOU, not just the wife but YOU!! YOU are the person that is going to suffer in all of this, YOU will be the only one to get hurt and YOU will be held responsible at all costs!
I could babble on about my experience but I doubt you would take any notice because you seem very naïve and gullible for a woman of your age who should know better!
Ifyou still choose to approach this man then be warned the wife WILL find out and it will be her arms he runs back to and you will be left out in the cold with nobody to turn to!
As for aproaching him, if he is a man worth his salt he will turn you down, if he is as low as you then approaching him won't be a problem and in that case the wife deserves better!
...............................
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (16 August 2011):
 You have been lusting after him for 2 years, so why breach this subject with him now? It makes no sense. If he felt attracted to you, or was willing to cheat, don't you think he would have approached you sexually already? Two years is a long time. If he wanted you, he would have made a move by now, especially if he were the cheating type. Have you ever entertained the possibility that maybe he is a faithful, loyal husband and will reject you? That you may not be his type at all? That he is happily married and would never go on a date with you?
I liked a lot of my co-workers. Hell, I flirted with quite a few of them, but it doesn't mean I want to date them, or have sex with them. You claim he likes you too. So what? Co-workers either like one another or dislike one another. What's so significant about liking a person, or their character traits? The way you describe the situation, it seems like a one-sided attraction deal. Leave the man alone. You're clearly way more interested in him than he will ever be in you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (16 August 2011):
Correction: I meant to say "whatever has made you keep up with this obsession".
I hope if you are unwise enough to approach him he will tell you in no uncertain terms to forget it, such that it will serve as a stinging refusal and a wake-up call.
If so, you'll be able to do something better with your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (16 August 2011):
You DON'T, pure and simple.
You know this is wrong, you know the end will be miserable with no future in it for you. You know he would be cheating on his wife - who doesn't deserve this from him OR from you.
I don't care if you've been attracted to him for 10 years. Whatever has prevented you from this obsession, you need to give it up, NOW and begin to look for guys who are free to date you.
Don't be so damn foolish.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): I'm sorry, what?
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (16 August 2011):
 Do you honestly expect to get any advice on this site telling you how to approach this man?! If you honestly want to snare a married man and lure him away from his wife, then this really is not the place to be asking for advice. Try googling 'stealing a married man' or 'how to be a homewrecker' and you might get somewhere.
But I can promise you now, you are not going to find one person on this website who will give you tips on how to do this. Approaching a married man and having an affair is wrong, simple as that. Yes it is your choice if you have no morals and are happy to ruin lives, but we are not as low as that and we are not going to help you do it.
...............................
|
