A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm hoping for some advice, esp. from any male readers, about sex in a new relationship. I've been seeing a guy for a few weeks, he's arranged a few amazing dates for us and seems really nice. BUT his friends are players, and despite him telling me he's not, part of me is holding back in case he is. He keeps asking me to stay the night at his place "to snug up", but I know he'd want sex, and I'm not sure I'm ready. I am very attracted to him, but don't want to be used. My question is, should I keep holding out until I've worked out his intentions a little better? Or should I sleep with him? And if I do, do you think he will lose interest? If I don't, and wait a little longer, what are the chances he will lose interest because I haven't slept with him? Thanks. x
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male
reader, Ldu  +, writes (29 September 2010):
Well if he loses interest because he DOESNT get to sleep with you then i guess that pretty much sums up his intentions. Waite it out until you feel comfortable because if you do sleep with him and get played you'll feel bad for 1) sleeping with him 2) being used. Wouldn't you rather wait it out?. If you do lose him for holding out you should be happy that he didn't get any play from you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Don't sleep with him until you're comfortable and ready it's as simple as that.
He won't lose interest and if he does then you were right he's just a player. I have to say though just because his friends are payers doesn't necessarily mean he is.
He will be willing to wait as long as you want him to if he's really interested as long as you show interest back and you are in someways intimate and coupley then he won't mind too much.
If you want my honest opinion though, you have to ask yourself what you're waiting for, I know you're worried he's a player but how are you going to find out he's not?
You can't judge people too much based on who their friends are. I bet you have some really conservative friends and friends that are promiscuous too. It's no reflection on who you are.
Maybe you should take it a little further not exactly sex but spend some time alone together. Don't stay the night or anything but go somewhere where you can be alone and get more intimate. That way you can mess around a bit and you'll see if he is okay with only taking it so far and not going all the way without trying to pressure you. If he can, when you are alone together only take it so far without going all the way, without kicking up a fuss or getting moody about it, then chances are he wants you for more than just sex.
This way at least there is some sexual progression too and he'll know you do like him but want to take things very slowly. If he can't respect that and becomes insistent or pressures you then you know what he is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Hiya sweetness!Just because his friends are players doesnt mean he is! However, he can be influenced and pressured but if he's stood his ground, then chances are he's a one woman type of guy. ONLY A FEW WEEKS? Yes, be patient, give it time, make sure you know his intentions are clear, and if youre questioning it thats a great sign for you to say no. If sex doesnt feel right 100%, it doesnt feel right, it needs to be the right time for you. Definitely do not let this man set you up or put you in the position where you'd be vulnerable, if he sees you stand your ground, he'll hopefully respect that and wait with you. If he's impatient and pushy, well, that should be a sign he doesnt respect you OR your body and thus would wanna probably use you, which any woman certainly does not deserve.Kind Regards
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 You will get your answer either way. If he loses interest in you if you hold out a little longer (say a month more or so) then you will know that he mainly wanted sex. When you are in his bed, if he makes any moves, just tell him that you are not willing to go there just yet. See how he reacts, if he truly wants a real relationship with you, he will kindly accept your unreadiness and wait until the relationship goes a little further. Still, it is hard to trust someone like that but you must not be too judgemental, friends do not make the person. How does he look at you when you talk to him? How does he speak? Does he pay more attention to your body or your eyes? Does he speak kindly or does he speak in a more slender manner?I hope that helps.
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