A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm so tired of my relationship. My fiancee and I fight all the time. Nothing I do ever seems good enough to him. When we argue he gets verbally abusive and the last time he punched me in the leg after i threw something at him.I understand i probably deserved it but it still worries me a little. Should I leave?
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Hi there, Reading your letter, I am troubled by your words. In any relationship, two people will have to make concessions and be flexible if you want to get along. People will argue, but there have to be boundaries, as to how you argue, and limits to which you do. No one should ever hit anyone, this then gets into battery. This relationship may not be able to be fixed, I am not sure, tempers need to be controlled. I would like you to go to a web site for me and read an article, which I think fits into your situation. The address is:
www.socyberty.com/letting-go-stop-chasing-ghosts.123844
It is my feeling that you may need to find another friend. This is your choice, but there has to be mutual respect on both your parts, if you care about someone, you don't want them to be hurt or to hurt you, either physically or mentally. Please read the article I cite, and try to think hard, am I trying to make this relationship, into something that it will never be, or is it necessary, that I cut my ties and move on, which may be the best decision. Be as wise, as you can be, and don't be afraid to talk to someone that you trust, who is physically close to you, and objective, who can share their opinion, someone older perhaps. Take care of yourself and always remember that you deserve to be treated well. You are a special person, there is only one of you, so you must be good to yourself as well. Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): You threw something at you and he hit you in the leg.....and you two fight all of the time.
This relationship is marked by gross immaturity and anger management issues (lack there of)
You both need some work on yourselves and you would be best to break up and seek counseling on your own to work through your issues and to learn how to deal with conflict and issues that come up in relationships, because all relationships have them. However, due to lack of education or lack of good examples in your own family of origins, it sounds to me that you both are lacking in your ability to deal with each other in a healthy way. This makes for a toxic relationship. You both don't need it. Get away from each other before you really create permanent psychological and emotional damage to each other, and get some help. It is a sign of strength to admit that you don't know how to deal with fights in a relationship in a healthy way and that you want to learm how to better handle things. So make a phone call first to your doctor, or mental health association for a referral. This is something you need to do on your own first, not as a couple.
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A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Do not ever think that you deserve to be hit - what your finacee did was unacceptable. Violence is NEVER an option in a relationship, and you should NEVER tell yourself that you deserved it.
From what you describe, I'd advise you to leave. Fighting all the time is one thing, but verbal and physical abuse is where you draw the line.
I'd advise you to end it.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 I think walking out of 2 years of effort is better than:
a. Walking out of 4 years of effort (two more years into the relationship)
b. Walking in who knows how many years of emotional and physical abuse.
The truth is if a relationship is not working, it will continue to not work unless you are both interested and looking for help (and that is no guarantee). If you have tried and nothing has changed over these two years then it might be time to get out. Only you can really know.
Best of lucks!
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A
male
reader, Devil Spawn  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Nope violence is bad. Pure and simple. Leave this man now you both are bad for each other,
Better to leave after 2 years than 20.
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