A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,I have been in my relationship for nearly a year. My boyfriend and I are quite happy together, but recently there have been some issues, but most notably he has stopped wanting to have sex. When we first started dating, everything was fine and totally normal. We slept together after dating for about two months, and it was great. Now, our average is at twice every three months. I have asked him repeatedly if if is me, if he is no longer attracted to me, if he wants out, etc.? All of this he denies. The excuses have ranged. First, he was too busy with work. Then he was sick. Then he had exams. Now he is having a moral epiphany. When I first met him, I actually thought he was gay, but then dismissed it as we became closer, and then started dating. Now I am starting to wonder again. I refuse to buy into the stereotypes of bent wrists, pink walls and wearing make-up. I have a ton of gay friends, most of whom do not fit the stereotype at all. He is none of those things, but there is a certain air about him. He is from an INCREDIBLY conservative culture, and if he is gay it would be an absolute nightmare for him. Does anyone have any sage advice as to how to figure this out. If asking my gay friends is a response, actually all of my gay friends are back home and unobtainable for consultation at the moment. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I agree with the male anon, it is amazing what you can find out about a person on their computer. It probably isn't necessary to put spyware on, just take a peak at his history and scan his email if you get a chance.This story unfortunatley sounds very familiar to me. I had the same strange thoughts about my boyfriend of 4 years and would ask him periodically if there was something wrong with me...i.e. did he prefer a different body type. He professed his undying love and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.Well, as we got closer and I would use his computer while at his house, I started noticing some strange things. Fast forward 2 years. Two years of agony, no, he is not gay and yes he is getting sex somewhere else, his computer! This may not be the case with you, but it would be something to check out. If you do find something on his computer, don't jump to conclusions and don't confront him. Find a unbiased person to talk things through with or go to npsupport.net there is a lot of good advice there.Good luck[moderator note: it is a criminal offence in the UK to access a computer without the owner's permission]
A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 To me, it just seems like there's more of an issue of something between you two and not an issue of sexual orientation at play here. Stereotypes aside, if you were passionate at the beginning and they're not so much now, that (to me) implies that something definitely changed. I suspect that it was his attitude toward the relationship or possibly you specifically (even if he won't admit that to your face, no matter how you try to get it out of him).
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): Spyware on his computer will reveal a lot. Your relationship would suffer and the trust would be gone for sure, though.
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