A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Five months and counting. I still think about my ex all the time. I have never been this hung up on anyone before. Granted it was my first long term relationship (2 yrs) but when does it end! I fell in love with him and I am afraid it will never go away.In fact, my frist love when I was a teenager flew in to the US from the UK to see me once he heard about my break up (a surprise visit). It had been YEARS and he still hadn't gotten over us. I am afraid that will be me with my current ex. I am terrified years will go by and will be hoping for reconciliation rather than finding someone to be happy with. Can we fall in love multiple times? Should I even bother dating or should I just throw in the towel?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lunabella +, writes (23 December 2008):
 Hello again,
You said,
"I don't know if its healthy to keep falling this deep for a person. I don't know if I ever want to again because I'm afraid of it not being returned or it fading for the other person again."
Remember you have a choice. Weigh the results and choose which you would rather experience. You could protect yourself from getting hurt again and also protect yourself from finding the right person to be with. These are the risks that we have to take when we fall in love with people. I think as we gain more relationship experience people do develop a little more caution and take things slow for the very reasons you mention. Consider yourself a little wiser and keep open to new relationships. You will meet many different people who have also been hurt and have similar feelings as yours. You are not alone nor the first one to have experienced disappointment and longing for lost loves.
Happy New Year.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of your feedback. I guess 24 is a bit too young but I feel like falling in love once was sweet but the second time around was pure LUCK!
I don't know if its healthy to keep falling this deep for a person. I don't know if I ever want to again because I'm afraid of it not being returned or it fading for the other person again.
Meh... sorry for the pessimistic attitude.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (19 December 2008):
 You will fall in love again. It varies from person to person with how long it takes to get over someone. I was with my ex for 10 months and it took me a year and a half to get over him. And the only reason I did get over him was from meeting my current boyfriend. I went on many dates after my first love but they all made me miss him more and just be more upset. Eventually I gave up too for a bit, then I thought I would try again but for fun this time and have my options more open. I went on a date with my current boyfriend, and like the other ones on the first date I thought about my ex the whole time. Rather than just give up, I told him about it and that I just wanted to be friends. Well we ended up dating afterall and I'm even more in love with him than my first. You can definitely fall in love numerous times. The one you are meant to be with is out there still and even if you did throw in the towel, you would still somehow meet him because love has a funny way of working like that. You meet them when you least expect it :) Some people take longer to get over things than others. I know exactly where you are at and it sucks horribly, but one day all the songs you hear that used to remind you of him and make you so sad will mean nothing. They may still remind you of him but not in a sad way anymore. It's an amazing feeling when you are finally over it. I actually had a conversation with my ex a few weeks ago and felt nothing, I talked about my current boyfriend the whole time. So hang in there. You do survive despite how it feels and I know it's hard to hear right now because I didn't believe anyone either. But good luck and no matter how long it takes for you to get over him it will be worth it.
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A
female
reader, Lunabella +, writes (19 December 2008):
Never throw in the towel, especially at your age - trite as that might sound. Years from now you will look back and remember the intensity of your relationship, but with age you will get a whole new perspective. I know, that doesn't help much now - but you will have something to look forward to.
Most of us never forget our first loves or first long relationship - even after marriage and family! What you are feeling is normal and will take time. How much time, I can not say. Everyone is different.
I know the pain is difficult to bear sometimes. Realize that many women tend to throw themselves unselfishly into a relationship which makes it hard to move on. Something so serious and deep is not so easily tossed aside or easily forgotten. Every person we love becomes a part of us in some way and be glad that you had the opportunity to spend part of your life with people who meant so much to you.
Please don't cheat yourself out of tomorrow by longing for the past. Life is short and we sometimes get involved in the "what ifs" of life and the nostalgia of the past.
Yes, we can fall in love multiple times and strangely enough we can fall out of love more than one time as well. Love is difficult to define as it comes in all shapes and sizes and exists in varying degrees.
You can love one person more than another and couples usually have one person who is less in love with the other. Funny, many of us think that the love experienced in a couple is mutual and exactly equal and identical. Not necessarily so. And even then in its unequal proportions or unequal quality of love, a relationship can still be fulfilling, nurturing and healthy. Two people do not have to be exactly the same in order to find happiness in the relationship. It's ideal, but not necessary. Think of our parents, friends and family examples for instance. I think it is the Greeks who have a ton of words for love.
5 months already, but give yourself 18. I find it takes a round of holidays and a year of new memories to help ease things along. Get involved with other people for fun activities and enjoy yourself. Take up a sport, a new class, a new hobby, a fitness regimen or volunteer at church or a community center. Volunteer to walk dogs at the local shelter example. Helping others is a standard solution to ease the blues, but I think it can work for helping us heal from past relationships too.
Good luck to you, hang in there. It will get better. You have your whole life ahead of you and a lot of love to give. Don't deny you are your future special someone that pleasure and happiness.
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