A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello! I need some suggestions... But I gotta tell my story first and I guess it's quite long. Well... First of all, my boyfriend and I met on the internet. We're from different countries and don't see each other too often, but if we meet then it's for like 3 months. We're 21 and we've met 4 times now. The first times were perfect - he was nice to me and cared about me, even told me he loved me. But last time was just awful, I seriously wanted to get rid of him. He told me he loved a friend of mine but he didn't tell her and I know he didn't kiss her or anything. He just went for walks with her while I was working which I found very strange but he told me it was all innocent. I don't know if this is true but I know he likes being around people and he doesn't know anyone here and I was working and didn't have time so...After a while he split up with me and told me he wasn't sure if he loved me.So he also went to parties alone without me, although he said afterwards that he missed me there.Then I found him being jealous when I wanted to go to a party alone too. And after a while he told me that he didn't care about my friend at all and he didn't know why he had said so at first. He also seemed really devoted to me during those last weeks he stayed with me and told me at the airport he'd come back to marry me and cried when he left.A lot has happened since then but I wanna try to make it short. He told me chatting some weeks after he had left that he had made out with some girl he met at a party here. He found her ugly and didn't know why he had done so. He begged for my forgiveness really much afterwards and wanted me to stay with him forever cause he loved me. Then again he told me I liked him too much and that'd be a problem cause he felt too tied or something. Now he's at a point that he says he likes me, is very nice to me, and wants to meet me soon. I asked if he had told his family that we split up and he said they asked but he said "not really". I don't understand all this behaviour. When I ask for explanations or what he wants, he turns often grumpy and says he doesn't always wanna explain everything. So I stopped asking, I even stopped talking to him for a while. I started hating him for the way he treats me. I'm trying to understand him though, explaining myself that I probably was often too commanding. And so I easily feel sorry and turn back to him. We talk once a day now mostly for an hour. Before it was often more. I need your suggestions now. Should I just stop talking to him? Or am I being unfair that way? Please suggest me. Sorry that I wrote so much. And thanks for all the answers!
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different countries, jealous, split up, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): Man... Is this really a question?
Dump him and move on... I'm a cheater too that uses this same game.... He doesn't care AT ALL. TRUST ME.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 LDRs are hard.
LDRS at your age are harder
LDRS where you MET online are harder still...
I think that this relationship has run it's course...
it's over you two are just holding on till the bitter end.
better to end it now and walk away friendly....
NOT friends. that never works... but friendly.
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Your boyfriend doesn't seem to know what he wants, and that makes it difficult for you to figure out if you want to remain in your relationship.
It's really very complicated with the long distance and boyfriend continuously changing his mind. Don't waste your heart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2012): I agree that you should tell him it's over and move on. Find someone who deserves you because you deserve much better than this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2012): I'm sorry to say but he does not sound that into YOU.
How can he be into you, and then tell you he loves a friend of yours? Even though he says it was all innocent, spending time with her had him thinking romantic thoughts which should be reserved only for you.
When you split up temporarily, he said as much. He said he wasn't sure if he loved you? Some food for thought there!
Not only that, after declaring his feelings that he will marry you, once he goes back home he confesses to you he slept with someone else while he was there to see you? He again tells you he loves you, but then says he feels smothered by your feelings for him?
When you try to understand him, he is grumpy and does not want to really discuss the matters.
He is immature, and does not know what he wants. He wants the good feelings associated with someone liking and loving him, but he wants his freedom to enjoy time with others, and sleeping around to discover himself.
I would say you deserve better, and you should end things, and find someone who really loves you, without any doubts! Who also TREATS you better. His actions speak louder than his temporary words.
You can and should do better. Find someone else.
Good Luck
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