A
female
age
41-50,
*wiggyCA
writes:Ok, I've posted on here once before about my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. Quick Recap: been together 18 months, he moved cross country with me when I was offered my dream job, 2 months after getting here he decided that "something just wasn't right" and he decided to move back to our former city and break up. I'm sure he was a bit depressed with no job, no friends, etc and missed the comfort of our old city and that had a lot to do with why he left. SO, it's been 2 months since he left. We talk once or twice a week and text every other day or so. He says he still loves me/cares about me and that this was very hard on him, etc. As recently as the last 2 weeks he sent me a text saying he's thinking about me, he called and left a message at my work (which he never does) saying that he just wanted to surprise me during the day and chat. Other than that, our coversations stay on the lighter side. No talk about "oh I love you and miss you" or anything of that nature. I do love him still and he knows this fact.My new question:I'm going back to our old city this coming weekend just to have some fun and visit him and friends and he knows this. He said last week that he would be glad to see me again. We haven't talked since then and I haven't heard from him. My trip is in 3 days... shouldn't he have initiated making plans with me? To pick me up at the airport or have dinner or something!? I'm staying in a hotel and have no transportation and he knows this. I shouldn't contact him, right? I should wait for him to call me, right? I feel like him not contacting me yet means that he is pulling away and thinks it is a bad idea to see each other. If I call him, I don't want him to think I'm pressuring him into seeing me. What do I do?
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female
reader, TwiggyCA +, writes (16 July 2009):
TwiggyCA is verified as being by the original poster of the question I suppose I haven't been able to "let go". He is my EX, but I still have hope. We moved cross-country together for my job over 4 months ago...but it was always a discussion. I wouldn't have taken the job if he had said "let's stay put for now". He willingly moved with me. I was shocked when after moving here he couldn't handle it. The day he left (2 months after we moved here), he cried like a baby. He said that he still loves me, but something just wasn't right. He has never been able to articulate quite what it was that made him leave. I think it was a combination of depression and slight commitment shock. The situation is very strange. I can't let go because he has never said "it's over" or "I don't love you anymore". One might argue that his moving away is a sign that he doesn't love me, but I can't accept this. I love him... and with a passion that is exponentially deeper than anything I've ever felt in my 17 years of dating.He did contact me last night. He will be picking me up at the airport, his offer, but we haven't made plans other than that. I suppose I should just play it by ear...see how it goes and how we both feel about being together again. I don't know what I expect. It's so complicated. I just never expected love to be this way. I like to think that if I had been the one moving with him for his job, that I would be able to live anywhere, through anything, no matter. I almost wish that he would say "I don't love you" or "It's over", but he does not. He still calls. Still texts. Still seems to care. He isn't allowing me to move on with my life. I just don't know what to do.
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Hello TwiggyCA
I just want to know why you are asking this question. It seems that even though you are calling this man your 'ex', you still think of him as your current boyfriend.
So, put me out of my misery. Is he your ex, or not?
Ex means former, past, used to be, was, not any longer, you get the idea.
If my 'ex' was acting like you are, I would think she had lost her mind.
He made a decision. He left the new city, and went back home to the comfort and familiarity of his old one. You made a decision. You have chosen your career over your 'ex' boyfriend. So what are you worrying about his feelings for, and why does everything mean so much to you?
You have to come to terms with your own feelings before even asking him about his.
Unfortunately, I think he is making his feelings quite clear, and you are not seeing and hearing it.
So, if he is your ex, why should he make plans with you? Why should he meet you at the airport? Why should he make dinner plans? Why should he drive you around?
And, why are you thinking of 'waiting?' Waiting for what?
I have to ask if you are over him. Do you still believe that you have a chance of some sort of LDR?
Think about what you FEEL. PM me if you want, I would like to really know which direction you want to go in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): You do sound right, his lack of initiative to contact you seems to reveal that he may have thought about this and has come to the conclusion that it's not a good idea for him to see you again.I know, this is not easy to swallow. We don't know really what he has in mind but be prepared to accept that he might not want to see you any more. I know this is painful but there's nothing you can do about it. To save time from sitting around waiting for him to contact you, I don't think it's a bad idea to contact him. Initiate the contact but do it only once, call him, leave a voicemail message or send SMS saying that you have arrived and this is just to inform him. If he doesn't respond, then it means you are right all along about what you think is going on.Be strong and goodluck!
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