A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I was molested as a child by my brothers but even though I was the youngest, we were only one and two years apart. I remember things from when I was 5 up until I left home at 15. I never spoke to them after that and have a lot of anxiety when it comes to sex but my husband is fairly understanding. I want to talk to one of my brothers that defended me from the other to make him stop but I am still embarassed. Should I just forget it and let sleeping dogs sleep? I have NO family except my hubby and kids but just can't imagine seeing him and remembering everything and all. Could he have forgotten it all? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Anon202020  +, writes (7 December 2009):
I think that seeking support from a counsellor/psychologist is the most likely path towards healing.... to perhaps having that day without tears that your heart and soul so very much deserves.
All the very best of luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had contacted him but didn't pursue it and he didn't either. We hadn't spoken in 27 years so I guess he has feelings he doesn't want to face too. The other brother was the instigator and I basically told him off over the years whenever he tried to establish contact. I have been through four marriages--with much of the problems having to go back to this. My mother new and allowed the abuse but she is dead now so I forgive her. I don't think I will contact them but I DO think I will try to find counselling. I really need to spend at least one day without tears--it would be so nice to just be happy.....
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (5 December 2009):
 You're in your 40s, you've made a life, and still what happened until you were 15 is in your mind. So yes, you do need to deal with it once and for all -- clearly, ignoring it hasn't made it go away. Consult a counsellor who is experienced in these issues -- calling a women's shelter might be a place to start, since counsellors there deal with these sorts of issues often. An experienced counsellor will help you get to the point of confronting (or not) your brothers. And if so, how to go about it so as to get some needed closure.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, projectwatever +, writes (5 December 2009):
I think you should confront him about it, because he will never know how you feel and you need to know why he would do soemthing like that besides attraction towards you. About him forgetting what happened the answer is no he hasn't forgotten because when someoen does something wrong or it is their first time or a face, they never forget ex:ME i have never forgotten any of the faces that hurt me in my past or the faces of the ones i have hurt deeply in the past and he knows he hurt you. Right now maybe it might be too late to call the authorities on him, if he has family, but if he doesn't and doesn't regret it then God will punish him for it don't lower yourself to his standard. After you talk to him maybe go in for some couciling to get rid of the anxiety because in life you can never take bake the second ur not happy but every second is a second chance to make things better. As for the courage to stand up to him remember this "If you never do anything about it you never have anything to regret but you'll regret the time you lost thinking about doing it" Like that popular commercial says "Just do it" sometimes jumping is the only way to set yourself free!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): I am truly sorry to read about your abuse. It would have been very traumatic for you as a five year old child and then adolescent to be left feeling so violated, unprotected, unsure, and confused by how a person close to you could hurt you in these ways.
It sounds like it will be very hard for you "to let sleeping dogs lie" and I am uncertain that that will be the best approach to allow yourself the time, space, and energy to heal. I understand that currently you are placing the focus on your two brothers, specifically the one who made attempts at protecting you. As no one can know how he will respond to you initiating contact with him again and hence what consequences you may have to face after that (his positive or less positive response will still trigger a multitude of memories and thoughts and feelings for you), my advice would be to seek support from a clinical psychologist to support you first and foremost. Such a professional will allow you the space you need to talk about the molestation; cry, scream and feel anger, sadness, despair, etc for what happened to you and the impact it has had (and continues to have) on you; to mourn the loss of your relationships with your brothers and also to grieve for the impact it has had on your life and subsequent relationships. Then and only then (I believe) will you be able to work towards healing from the trauma and then (possibly?) contacting those involved.
Of course, questions to think about are why now? What makes you want to contact them now? What would you like to tell them? What would you hope to hear from the? These too are questions that you might be able to explore with your psychologist.
It is wonderful to hear that your husband is loving and supportive.... he will be an important part of your healing process.
Simply surviving what you did and making a life for yourself, with a loving husband and children is indicative of your strength and motivation to heal.
I wish you all the best of luck with your journey.
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