A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:He is 29 and I am 30. I fell in love with him for the past one month and I thought he was too, but now I am not sure if he feels love or lust for me.He wanted animalistic sex(no kiss, doggy style) and I refused. I deliberately but not openly avoided him for two days. Today I saw him and all my pheromones came flowing. I sat with him as he did his work. He looked sad and his friend who is normally with him wasn't there so I felt sad too. I brought him gradually to chat and it worked. He was happy to note that I still cared for him apparently. He even said we should probably just remain friends since our attitudes towards sex are different. I agreed with him and told him I wish him well with love. He said he no longer believes in love since his divorce, but lives for a day. He said I should also style up since I haven't had sex yet and I am 30 yrs. Then he jokingly said "alright, lets go n have sex". I told him he was crazy. He is willing to kiss and change sex style but there is no hope of relationship coz we live continents apart. Truth is now, both of us want it. I was the one in control but now, I feel really weak moreover coz I am still a virgin, i feel this is my time. I have less than 3 days to do this, and I may not see this guy for life since we live continents apart. Please advise me. Thanks.
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divorce, fell in love, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (31 July 2011):
 You go girl! There is a good man in your future if you seek truth and love.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, thanks a lot! With your constant support I let go of this guy. I think I never really knew how strong the primeval urge is until a few days ago. It was not easy but it definitely was worth it. He left the hall on Friday and I leave today. I will never see/ possibly hear from him again. Have a great week, may you all be blessed-)
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (27 July 2011):
No, there is no way to make this guy appreciate you more than just being a virgin conquest, and you will be deflowered by a jackass.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 He cares ?! He cares about getting laid, that's for sure.
As horny goes,he is definitely horny. Which not necessarily will make him a lover to remember.
You are both adults and there 's nothing wrong in having a sexual fling if you are both single and willing. But I SO get the feeling you'd feel disappointed,used, humiliated too. Wild guess : you are not that experienced not only sexually but in relationships in general , uh ? Otherwise you'd " read " the signals, I think.
He sounds snappy and impatient. You have to take your time with a virgin- he is in a hurry. A quickie while dinner gets cooked, umpff. He came to your room- and he got pissed NOT because you did not believe in his love, but because you weren't fast enough to ...get down to business.
Look, it's your choice and if we want to be cynical , there's nothing so dramatic in a bad f..k. You get up, take a shower, get dressed and...life goes on.
But, do we really HAVE to be cynical. You've waited so long to get rid of your V-card, couldn't you wait the next chance, and see if you find someone at least a bit more considerate ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. You are doing a graet job. I need your support now more than ever coz now I am totally vulnerable. I am just not sure who is the problem now; maybe it's me. As I sat with him doing his work yesterday evening, I leaned on him, close enough that he gently took my hand and put it on his p****s for me to caress and possibly do a blow job. I was saved when a group of people came in the room. He had actually earlier proposed that since my food was still cooking for the next twenty minutes, we go to my room and do it but I politely declined saying the food would get burned. He came to my room abt 9.30pm. And I asked him what his purpose with me is..he was honest to tell me that we will have a great experience. I told him i want a relationship and he said the problem is we will be miles away. If he is to stay with me, he needs to see me everyday.Chances are we will both meet other people so there is no point in starting and hurting ourselves..but at least we will have something to remember. by then he was already touching me. I said maybe it's possible you don't like me that much. He got pissed and said he already confessed that he likes me, but i keep asking him the same thing. He left..In a way I was relieved and slept well. This morning he came back at 7.30am! He knocked four times, but I didn't answer. He came back at 8.30am again, knocked even louder. I didn't answer. We are both residents in a guest house. The real problem is I feel he has been really honest with me and the way all these have affected him make me feel ?maybe he cares but his past failed marriage is the one standing in our way. Additionally, I feel yesterday we were more cozy and I got him to move at my pace, hoping Iam not just seeing what I hope for. My pheromones are sure fast rising like the ulyssa siren:)I never knew or felt like this. I am officially weak. What can I do friends? Is there a way to make this guy appreciate me so we can both enjoy..2 days to go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): Take a pass. Chances are you'll feel even more strongly about him after having sex than you do now and you'll feel even more vulnerable and less in control.
This one man is not so spectacular that you can't live a productive and fulfilling life without a romp in the sack with him.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 July 2011):
No no NO ! Your hormons are singing like Ulysses' sirens and it's difficult to resist their melody, I imagine:)... but , that's going to be such a botched job and a let down.
You are a virgin. You want to have a good memory about your first time, right ?. There are not the right conditions for this to happen. The guy sounds like a jackass and he clearly only cares about getting off, and does not give a damn about you.
And- no romance, no kisses, doggy-style- that won't be good for a virgin.
I don't want to scare you with tales of the excruciating pain of the first time, because they would NOT be true. But still, the first time is sort of uncomfortable, and awkward, needs to be handled gently, with finesse and a bit of cuddles.
Raw ,animal sex from behind is already intermediate level; get some practice at beginner level first !
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (26 July 2011):
Well I cannot say that lust is never to be fulfilled, as such was the case often in my life - and in the lives of the women involved. Seems a case of just do it, but since it would allegedly be the loss of your virginity, I find that a sad premise.
In other words, a precious time would be spent with someone with whom you have no future and evidently no common attitude toward sexual pleasure (love).
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