A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for just over two years now. We have a good relationship, but I'm no longer sure about if we should be together. The reasons why I doubt the relationship is that he can be really aggressive and (in my opinion) selfish and controlling - I have to do whatever he wants and if I say I want to do somethin, he asks me if I've considered HIS feelings. Well, now, I'm unemployed and am actively looking. We live in teh UK but I have family in South Africa. The company my mother works for have a contract with the world cup folk and she gave the HR people my CV to help me polish it. They said that they would like to offer me a 6 week fully paid job that would start at the beginning of december. They would pay for my travel and I would be paid full time while there. It AMAZING experience. It also means I get to be with my family over Christmas. I haven't seen them in 18 months and i miss them all so much. My boyfriend and I are supposed to be moving out of our current flat at the beginning of december too. I told him about the job offer and he said he doesn't want me to go and that if i do, i'm being really selfish by even considering it. he says i should stay and that the fact that i'm thinking about going is bad enough. He said to me "what if i lose my job while you're gone and then you come back and we're both out of work?" I think what if he loses his job and he's single and living alone? is it my responsibility? Am I wrong to think that that is an unfair statement?My main question is, do i stay, and pass up on a free chance to go and see my family as well as get some much needed experience (and cash) to help me get my ultimate dream job, or do I stay and keep looking for work here and stay with my boyfriend? Also, should I just break up with him and live my life and stop feeling stifled?
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female
reader, emilymarie26  +, writes (31 October 2009):
Go go go go go! If he loves you and wants the best for you, he would want you to take this opportunity, he wouldn't be asking you to stay around so he can continue to control you. It's only six weeks, he can handle it. And no, whether or not he can handle his own job is NOT your responsibility.
As far as breaking up with him, I think you should see how things play out once you get back. It sounds like he's insecure about you having all of these opportunities and a good future ahead of you, maybe even jealous. Once you get back, if he's still trying to guilt trip you for going, then it's time to ask yourself if you want this guy around for the rest of your life to hold you back.
Good luck and have fun on your trip :)
A
female
reader, lola29  +, writes (31 October 2009):
you do not seem to love him anymore, i think he can live without you, and this offer you got, is a sign you should leave and be by yourself. Do it. You have already answered your question with this quote: Also, should I just break up with him and live my life and stop feeling stifled?
he is somewhat attached to you , but not in a good way, cant believe he said dont go for the job offer and to think of himself , if he cared about you he would have just let you do it and probably came with you for awhile or waited and let you do something of your life, therefore he wouldnt be worried whether you will cheat or not, if thats the main reason he doesnt seem to trust u enough to make your own decisions.
goodluck!
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