A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi, My boyfriend is currently friends with his ex. However, they were NOT friends when we started dating. They dated for 2 or so years, and that was a couple years ago. But when our relationship really started to advance, a few months in, she started texting and calling him like they were friends. She says she doesn't want to be with him, but she only wants to be "friends" with him when she doesn't have a boyfriend. Apparently she has done this to him over the past years whenever he has gotten into a relationship (they have gotten back together and broken up I guess many times over the years..before us). I have found texts where he states that he loves her. He says that they've just been friends forever (not true).I've never considered myself insecure about such things before, but he has done numerous things that make me not trust him or her, although I am pretty confident that they haven't been intimate since we've been together. We have broken up over this and gotten back together (been together about a year and a half now overall) He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me and not her etc. Also, this ex hangs out in his close circle of friends, which makes it especially hard for me to tell him he can't be around her ever and just completely cut ties. However, I see that they are still talking on the phone occasionally and texting. I would be fine if they were hanging out at a party and I was there, but talking on the phone behind my back? I feel like this is completely inappropriate. Should I just get out of this relationship? Please help!
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male
reader, manaja  +, writes (2 November 2009):
Well pesonally speaking and only from my own personal expierence, I would get out of the relationship.I have had this happen to me, a lady told me her and her ex were text buddys "but we never meet up she said"..turns out they were meeting up. I saw them together, she saw me looking at her while she was sat in her exs car, I still didnt finish with her ,I loved her, a week later she dumped me.
Ive started to date someone else now, its very slow, im still healing, but my new girlfriend has no exs in the background, I wouldnt have it again.
I finished with a woman 4 years ago, I never text her, she doesnt me , weve no children together, ..when we finished , I still loved her, but we needed to split..we were going round in circles, if I see her now I say Hiya thats all, .We had a really good relationship together for over 3years and travelled the world, now were not together, I still think about her from time to time, but there has to be boundrys, so we dont text, dont meet up etc.. no children, no point and we truly believed we were soulmates .
Id finish with your chap , if he really wants to be with with you and see's its bothering you , he'l dump his ex, she obviously thinks she has some control over him still , did she dump him ?
A
male
reader, manaja +, writes (2 November 2009):
Well pesonally speaking and only from my own personal expierence, I would get out of the relationship.I have had this happen to me, a lady told me her and her ex were text buddys "but we never meet up she said"..turns out they were meeting up. I saw them together, she saw me looking at her while she was sat in her exs car, I still didnt finish with her ,I loved her, a week later she dumped me.
Ive started to date someone else now, its very slow, im still healing, but my new girlfriend has no exs in the background, I wouldnt have it again.
I finished with a woman 4 years ago, I never text her, she doesnt me , weve no children together, ..when we finished , I still loved her, but we needed to split..we were going round in circles, if I see her now I say Hiya thats all, .We had a really good relationship together for over 3years and travelled the world, now were not together, I still think about her from time to time, but there has to be boundrys, so we dont text, dont meet up etc.. no children, no point and we truly believed we were soulmates .
Id finish with your chap , if he really wants to be with with you and see's its bothering you , he'l dump his ex, she obviously thinks she has some control over him still , did she dump him ?
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A
female
reader, wiccanrain +, writes (31 October 2009):
 well you can't stop him from being friends with his ex but if it makes you that uncomfortable then you need to make him understand that it bothers you and the same thing has happened in the past so you don't trust it when she says she just wants to be friends. don't force an ultimitum on him. you can tell him that until your sure he's not going to go back to her (because of the past)you'd prefer that if he's going to hang out with her that he include you...i wouldn't break it off unless neither of you can come to a compromise and you really are unhappy, but it doesn't sound like you're there yet
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