A
female
age
30-35,
*ervy
writes:Hi Aunts,My boyfriend and I have a good relationship, we see eachother 3-4 times a week, if not more. He lives right near where I study, so it's pretty convenient for me to stay the night and go to class the next day. However, I'm the only one with a car, which means that I do most of the visiting. It makes me feel like I'm putting in more effort, which most likely isn't really the case. He can borrow a car on the weekends, and after about 7-8 on a weekday (but not overnight), but I work early saturday and relatively early sunday, so it makes it difficult. Public transport is pretty thin out my way. Should I resign myself to the fact that I just will have to be the one driving? Or should I be more assertive? I also don't want to be impossibly demanding!!Thanks in advancemervy. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mervy +, writes (7 August 2010):
mervy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi guys,
Thanks for your responses, they were great. He lives in an area which is pretty much walking distance from everywhere, and has good public transport. I on the other hand, couldn't survive without a car to get to work etc. I brought it up gently, saying that it might be nice if he came over, and he responded really well! He called me today, tentatively asking if he could come over - turns out he was a little worried about inviting himself over. I just laughed because of course thats what I always do, and neither of us mind.
Anyway thanks again for the ideas - and fingers crossed he'll get a car... one day!
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (6 August 2010):
 Ah i was him at one time..when I was ur age my car was always broke down have the worst luck with them..so my bf always had to come to me or pick me up..and yes it does get old and tiresome..I understand where u feel like ur putting in the effort by coming to him, he should be coming to u. Does he not have enough $ to buy his own, is he saving up, or does he live in one of those areas of where a car isnt necessary u can walk everywhere, or is his just broke down? Have u talked to him about it, why he doesnt have a car, I would just explain ur side. Im sure there's some nights he could compromise and take a cab or give a friend a lil money to take him to u. Its hard to find a lil middle ground here.
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A
female
reader, BluntLove +, writes (6 August 2010):
Hey Mervy,
I would just talk to your bf about this. Tell him, "listen honey, i love seeing you and i love visiting, but i also would love for us to be equals on this. Is there a way that you can sometimes find a way to visit me instead? It would mean a lot to me and feel like we'd be a little more balanced in effort. And yes everything you do for me already is great, this is just a little something that i hope we can address." - don't be afraid to ask for what you want. A lot of girls stay quiet because they are afraid to be "demanding" but you have every right to bring the conversation up. Just do it in a positive, non-accusatory way, and if he's a keeper, he'll understand.
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