A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi! First let me give you a little background. I am 26 years old. My boyfriend of 2 years got a really good job in another state, and because we were already living together and everything was perfect, there was not a question in either of our minds about me moving with him. We have been here for about 3 months and things have been really good. Unfortunately, because of the school system where we are living, I still have not been able to find a job (i went to school to become a teacher). Everyday I am out there trying to do everything that I can to land something.. anything! He knows this and says that he is proud of me (keep in mind, before we moved he told me not to worry because he would have enough $$ for us to live on until I found a job and that all he wanted was for us to be together) As i'm sure you can imagine, I am at the house whenever he is home from work. I can see how that can get a little annoying, but I do everything for him! I cook, clean, do his laundry, replace his shower products when they are low, and as silly as it may sound.. i satisfy his sexual needs etc. that might be a bad move on my part, but I figured that because he was working that I should do whatever I can around the house until I get a job.Well about 2 weeks ago he decided that he needed some "space" from me. I got the feeling that I talk too much or that I am just always there. I don't know what it is??? He doesn't want to break up or anything like that, just needs time for himself, which is completely understandable! i have tried to make sure that I am not around when he comes home for lunch, and after work I try to be out doing something at least for 30 min. so that he can come home and relax for a few. Normally, giving him the space that he needs wouldn't be a problem, BUT we just moved to a completely different state and I don't know anyone! I don't have much $$ at the moment and I definitely don't want to ask him for any (he would give it to me if i asked, but I would rather not) Now my question is... when I am around him lately, all he does it watch TV....... we don't talk (it scares me bc it is starting to feel like we just have nothing to talk about) He says that he just wants me to act normal and pretend like nothing was ever said about him needing space, but how am I suppose to do that? He told me how he felt and now that wont leave my head. Things are just different now. They have NEVER been like this and I hate it so so so much :( Is there any advice at all that you can give me? I just don't know how I am suppose to act around him. I don't want to ruin things! I don't even know the specific question that I am trying to ask.. I just need help :( any kind of advice would be greatly appreciated!!!! THANK YOU!!!!
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female
reader, Practical  +, writes (6 August 2010):
I'm happy that he asserted that he really loves u .. it's important for both of you to want to be in the same relationship .. If u r sure he doesn't want out, then all problems can be solved .. u just need to change and plan..
1- Do not complain (feeling lonely, trying to find friends, lots of free time,, etc).
2- Do not mention anything about the relationship to him (act as if nothing has been said).
3- Always be busy but nice and welcoming; however, do not stick by his side. let him look for you ! and he will if he loves u ..
were your training suite and go for a run .. let him see you busy and enjoying life..
Again .. do YOUR share of the chores only..
go to cafes and smile !!! that's how u make friends .. smile and gently start conversations with people who smile back at you !!
Making friends its the easiest thing in the world .. it starts with a smile and a funny comment .. get over your shy nature ..
just start to build the "ME" instead of "US".. too much "us" is not healthy by the way..
think about yourself and take good care of yourself .. believe that u are a special person and that u don't NEED a man's love to feel complete ..
only when you reach this stage, people (men) will be really attracted to you ..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your advice! I see what you mean about me acting like a "wife". Any suggestions as far as making new friends in a new city where I don't know even one person? haha I know that sounds a little pathetic, but i've pretty much known all of my friends since I was young or i've met them through other friends. I've never been in this type of situation where I had to go out and "find friends". I think that would help a lot bc then I would have places to go and have my own life with out him. I want to be independent so bad! I want him to miss me.. I tried talking to him last night and all he kept saying is that he feels "so guilty everyday that he sees me up here struggling to be happy and have a life here. It kills him and makes it really hard for him to be happy" he also said that "remember that I love you bc that is all that matters". Am I being ridiculous for acting like this? We aren't "us" anymore and its killing me :( Should I just let things go and not say anything anymore with hopes that it will get better? Any suggestions on how not to act cold towards him? When I see him I've been very quiet and stand-offish. The last thing in the world I want to do is fight with him (he hates fighting as well), but i'm clueless! I don't want us to drift apart. It is breaking my heart :(
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A
female
reader, Practical +, writes (5 August 2010):
I think u have been acting like a "wife" and that what scared him and suffocated him !
The answer is to spend time away .. !! taking walks or anything ! just make sure u r so busy .. Don't do his laundry .. don't do the chores around the house .. he needs to see u independent so that he can be attracted to u .. I guess he's afraid u will turn into some typical couple..
Read .. Watch T.V. .. stay in another room .. try not to be around him physically but don't act cold at the same time ..
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