A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My wife wants a divorce after 8 years of marriage. We have drifted apart blaming each other for our failures in the marriage. She claims that our love has died. We have a daughter that is 7 years old. 3 years a go I had file for divorce do to the fact that she had chosen her religion, family and friends over me. She states that I was a control freak just because I don't mingle with her crowd of people. I am 17 years her senior but that has never been problem. The issues are financial, lies, family interference and religion.We had decided to give it one more shot and for almost 2 years it was working out even though our intimate moments were numbered because of our daughter sleeping habits. However we were working on the problem and trying to come back with a solution, unfortunately our marriage was starting to crumble out all over again since she started to pick her family and friends over me again. She was always with them and several time said to me that her family and religion were more important to her than I was.My wife has other children with her first true love in a third world country. She was without seeing them for nearly 8 years and just recently she did reunited with them. She also met with their Dad privately and too clear the air. The very next day he allowed her to see them and they all took pictures together like one happy family. It seem like they were never apart and she seem very happy with him. She is unaware that I know of the secret meeting with him.When she came back she opened up to me and ask me for a divorce, telling me that she don't love me anymore, that the love had died. Before she went to see her kids, I had lost my employment and we had to separate do to the financial stress. However we had agree that I would leave else for employment opportunity and in hopes to get back together. We were separated for 1 month before she left to see her babies and I notice a change on her. She felt distant and confuse not knowing exactly what she wanted. She blames me for not being able to see her kids and has a lot of resentment towards me. She does not want to take responsibility for the act of not being able to see them even thought I kept reminding her of the consequences of not doing so. Now she has once again her relationship with her kids and I am truly happy for her. She seems to be getting better towards our relationship, meaning that she is watching every step I make and spies on my phone bill even though she is not on my account. She attempted to get my bill behind my back. I really don't know what else I can do to please her. I am dam if I do and dam if I don't. She still has not file for the divorce and I do love her with all my heart and soul.My question for you is should I hold on and give it some time or should I let go and move on with life?Please answer. Thank you.
View related questions:
divorce, get back together, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Fabulosa +, writes (16 January 2011):
 It sounds unhealthy and these kind of situations are hard to give advice without hearing both stories. Maybe you should confront her about the secret meeting. Maybe there's some information your missing.... if you want to make it work you should talk to her and you should seek counciling.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Hi well first off if she has told you that she doesnt love you anymore this should be a clear sign that you need to move on. However it does concern me that this all came after she had a secret meeting with her ex. Maybe she was left feeling confused as he fathered her children and she probably misses them which possibly could have made her feel like she missed her old life with her ex partner.
Am afraid i cannot tell you what to do in this situation you need to do that all by yourself. But first off i would suggest that you do sit down and have a proper chat with your wife and both of you be open and honest. Tell her you love her just spill out to her how you feel and ask her what she truely wants.
To me though it sounds like you personally have been unhappy for such a long time and have felt like everything in her life comes before you. Just remember you only get one chance at life and with this chance you need to be completely happy with your life if not then changes need to be made. If you deep down feel like you and your wife can be happy again with a few changes made then tell her this and if not then leave for good and act independantly to look after yourself and to make yourself happy life is to short to be living unhappily and your wife seems to have been putting you down by telling you that her family and religion comes before you. This is a hard thing for someone to be told and could damage there self esteem. You need to think long and hard and decide what the best outcome would be for you to be happy. Goodluck .
...............................
|
