A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24, and currently single.My best friend's 23, and had a lucky escape from a guy she met in a bar. She said he was 5 years older than her, single, and seemed like a nice guy, but when she told her friend about him, her friend suggested she hire a private investigator to see if he really was as single as he said.My friend hired a private investigator, and when she got the results she was horrified - it turned out he was a married man with 2 young kids! She thanked her friend for suggesting it.Now I'm in the same situation. Through some of my friends I've met a guy who's 22 years old, and he seems like a genuine decent guy. He seems like a genuinely interesting guy.However, I'm not sure if I should hire a private eye just to ensure that he's not lying about his single status - is that a step too far??thanks, Carla in Liverpool, United Kingdom
View related questions:
best friend, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 December 2008):
 All of us will have bad experiences with bad people we meet along the way. In my personal opinion, however, that does not mean we should hire private investigators to check on what the other person says.
I knew the story of a girl who married a much older man in a civil ceremony. The judge came and recorded the marriage. Or so she thought. The man was a lawyer, and he brought a friend of his who pretended to be a judge. They were not legally married, and never were. That complicated things when she tried to "divorce" him, since she wasn't legally his wife. That said, in the overwhelming majority of marriages or relationships, people are sincere about being single, free, married, with children, whatever.
Personally I think that being careful and not going too far until you know the person is a better approach.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): Dear Poster
I don't know if your country has the facility, but I am almost sure it should. Here in SA it is very easy, go the the home page of the Dept of Home Affairs; there is various options and facilities, but go to marriage register; put the persons Identity number in and it tells you if they are single, divorced and if married, to whom and when.
All you need is his Identity number.
Much easier and cheaper then hiring a private detective, which I would not advice.
Best wishes and lots of smiles. Keep us posted.
...............................
A
male
reader, The Gentle Man +, writes (10 December 2008):
 That is a step too far. There is nothing to suggest that this guy is not being truthful. Think about the long term implications if you and this guy got together and he found out you had him followed ? Im sure he would be angry that his privacy had been violated by someone who aparently liked him.
Simple ways to tell ?
Get to his house and/or do what normal people would do and figure it out for yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (10 December 2008):
 I personally think it would be a step too far.
I think if there seems nothing suspicious about him and he seems geunine then you should avoid setting out a private investigator
a) Because it'll cost you and if you find out he is single then what was the point?
b) Because if he finds out, he's gonna think you're some sort of stalker.
If you start dating him and he IS taken, the signs will be there. But please refrain from doing something so drastic when he seems perfectly genuine. It may have worked for your friend and she may be better off, but I really think this would be a waste of time and effort if you did this in your position.
Take care xx
...............................
|
