A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've known "Mark" for about 4 years and "Hannah" for 11 years, they are my best friends and I feel very close to them both. I've had feelings for Mark for a number of years now but they are not reciprocated - he told me last year that he just wanted to remain friends and I've been trying to get over him ever since. 2 months ago Mark and Hannah started seeing each other, which I thought at first I'd be able to handle, but clearly I can't. However, since they've been together, Mark has been flirting with me and a few weeks ago whilst Hannah was away he told me online that he'd have sex with me if I offered. Hannah is shy, even with Mark, and was afraid to kiss him let alone think about having sex. She's not ready and may not be for a while, but Mark is ready now.. and so am I. I told him that if he offered me sex I would accept but nothing has been mentioned since. I can't stop thinking about him and what we could do but I have two big problems. Firstly, he's in a relationship with a girl who happens to be my best friend. She may never find out but could I do that to her? Secondly, Mark and I want sex for different reasons. I'm in love with him and want to show him that love, whilst he wants me for sex and I doubt he feels any love for me other than friendship. We are both virgins and I want my first time to be special and preferably with someone who loves me.. but if I don't go for this chance now it might never happen. What should I do?! I love Mark and I'm willing to have sex with him even if he doesn't love me but I'm not sure if I can risk my friendship with Hannah to get what I want.Any advice would be much appreciated, please help.
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female
reader, katielee12345  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 hell no that is sooo wrong even though you want to there is noooo reson to break up your friend ship!!!
A
female
reader, A.Girl +, writes (6 September 2008):
I don't think you should do anything with him. If he liked you enough, it would be you who he asked out, not your best friend.And, if he is already wanting to cheat with his new current gf, imagine what he would do if he went out with you. He is not trustable, and you shouldn't have sex. To me, it is obvious that he doesn't love you. And if you want to get hurt, by all means sleep with him, but you'll regret it later, and would have lost a friend. Boys come and go. You are young, and have lots of time to find someone who really loves you and doesn't immaturely ask if you want sex with him on msn!I know how you feel about being ready, but sex is much better with someone who you can trust to the max. As i can see, this relationship will not last long, and will only be just for sex, and by the sounds of it that's not want you want. You want to have a special close moment with someone who you know and like. But this boy is not the one to give it to you. He will use you, and you and your friend will get hurt. I don't think you want to be in that kind of emotional situation where you have to apologise to your best friend who has completely lost all her trust of you.So, if you really want to have sex with him, you'll have to face the consequences. But ask yourself this, is he really worth it?If you do, make sure you use protection. Good luck x
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female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (6 September 2008):
 and she should inform Hannah of her feelings for Mark. I started to state that in my previous post, but tried to keep it short. Maybe your best friend, Hannah, can help you overcome and/or deal with what you are feeling as well.
Again.. good luck
Michelle
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): Hi there.
Thankyou so so so much to everyone who replied! You've all made me realise that I was ridiculous for even thinking about it. Hannah would find out eventually and soon enough I'd have no friends. You've pointed out what could happen after with Mark using me again and again - I'm not going to let that happen.
aphexinfinite, I'm actually almost 16 and was planning on waiting to have sex with him til it was legal but I'm now going to wait for someone who loves and respects me. And, of course, when I do I will make sure I'm protected.
It was, as you said, a terrible idea and one which I am not going to pursue. I would've been the worst friend in the world and a complete slut. And, as some of you suggested, I may tell Hannah about what Mark has said - she needs to hear it before someone stupider than me accepts his offer.
So, thankyou, once again for saving me from what could've been the worst mistake of my life. :) xx
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 If you go ahead with this, in a few months you'll have lost your best friend, this guy, your virginity, and around school you'll me known as 'that slut that slept with her best friends boyfriend'.
After that, good luck trying to find another best friend, or a boyfriend who will trust and respect you. What you are considering doing is exactly how bad reputations get made.
So yes; it's a terrible idea!
By the way, do you know what 'best friends' should do in your situatio?. They should let each other know when their boyfriend is trying to cheat on them. You should tell her what he said.
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A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (6 September 2008):
PsyCookie definitely put it out there. AMEN!
Only one disagreement, you wouldn't be a prostitute, for you won't get paid, you'll be a slut! The only payment you'll get is one from karma. What goes around, comes around. Don't do it sweetie, you are so much better than that. Keep them your best friends... that's they way you want it! You know it is!
AND OH YEAH... you said you wanted your first time to be special!! It won't be special with Mark, he's only in it for the sex, not your feelings as
YOU SAID, "I've had feelings for Mark for a number of years but they are not reciprocated - he told me last year that he just wanted to remain friends and I've been trying to get over him ever since"
Save yourself for that person that will love you and respect you. Don't do something you will regret.
Happy day sweetie!!
Michelle
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (6 September 2008):
 You say that you're ready for sex but you won't be ready for the emotional baggage that will come after it.
You should know, before hand, that sex is not a simple thing for the majority of the people, and clearly you belong in that group. Having sex is a big change and if done with the wrong person wilst you aren't mentally prepared for it will bring terrible consequences. It WILL destroy YOU and your SELF-ESTEEM if you do this.
So, you have sex to "prove you love him"... umm, prove him what? To him, you're not proving anything, just that you're easy. If you have sex with him, he will keep on calling you up for sex, ONLY THAT. You'll be the sex sack, the person who is only for sex and that's it. Are you willing to prostitute yourself for that? For a guy who will want nothing from you except a heated night?
Please! Wake up! You deserve better! Everybody does. He may be your best friend, but he isn't your lover. And remember, he's a BEST FRIEND and if you start having sex with him that label will be gone, you two will become "f*ck buddies".
And please, put yourself in your best friend's shoes. What if you were going out with that guy, but you actually respected your body and realized that 2 months is too soon to have sex, specially at your age, and for that, because of his hormonal body, he seeked sex for none other the other best friend, and she accepted? Wouln't you feel betrayed by BOTH if you find out? Wouldn't you have thought "I can't believe it! She wouldn't do that! I thought I knew her!" or "I thought he was my best friend! I thought he liked me for ME and not for sex!"
And she will find out. It's bound to be found, either he might spill the milk (which is likely, he just got laid) or you might tell her out of guilt.
So if you do this, you will be left friendless. A lot of people will look down onto you for having betrayed your own best friend and for being easy. The guy you say you love will only like you because you put out. And it will only be your own fault (and his too). If you have sex with this guy, you would be doing one of your biggest mistakes in your life.
Part of loving comes accepting the reality of the situations. Heck, I had a similar situation as you. I, for a time, had feelings for my best friend too that I thought weren't reciprocated. It hurt me when he was with other girls, but out of love for him and seeing he was happy I tried to be happy for him. By the way, he never asked me for sex because he actually respected me, unlike this guy.
So, there also comes the implications of your age. You're still pretty young for this kind of things, so really, why rush things?
In the end, it's all a bad idea... an incredibly terrible and vicious idea. If you do this, you'll be the worst best friend in the world. Don't even call yourself a best friend anymore, you will not be one.
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A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (6 September 2008):
No you shouldn't sleep with Mark.
Reason one, you should wait until you are older to make a wiser decision on "who" you want to lose your virginity too.
Reason two, never betray a best friend or ANYONE for that matter.
Reason three, you said it yourself... he wants you for sex. That in my eyes is cheap and an insult. You are not a piece of meat, you are a human being that has a very good outlook on things, however; you're letting your horomones and this guy cloud your decision of the right thing to do.
No matter what any of us here say, you're going to end up doing what you want to do, but for your sake, I hope you don't do it. You will be getting yourself into more than you want. If you sleep with him, your going to want him "more" emotionally and be hurt more.
There are so many ways to deal with this, but the main thing to do is NOT sleep with him. He's not worth losing an 11 yr best friend that you've known almost all of your life.
Good luck sweetie and keep us informed on how you are doing.
Michelle
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A
female
reader, spn-jj +, writes (6 September 2008):
ok i have kinda been in a similar situation where i liked my best friends boyfriend....dont do it!!! at the end of the day your friends come first no matter how great the temptation is!!also you seem like your head has already told you what is going on but your following your heart, not always the best thing to do....you said yourself your both after sex for different reasons....you mentioned you want to lose your virginity to someone who loves you...so do!!!this 'mark' is just after sex and if you do sleep with him chances are you will feel crap for letting him walk all over you afterwards, he is also going to use you seems he already knows you like him but went out with your friend instead and i doubt he will leave her either!my advice is to find someone who deserves you, and like the previous answer, be safe, but also dont rush into losing your virginity - you have plenty of time for that!!
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (6 September 2008):
 ok not having a go but are you really 13?? if so your body is not fully developed for intercourse thats why their is a age restriction..second of all if you are going to do it no matter what people say go on the pill and use condoms..next you would cheat with your friends bf in my opinion thats not a good friend and i would drop her like a hat!!!!! i would also tell her that her bf is offering such things !! that will devastate her but your her friend you should be supporting her than thinking of siding with the devil im sure you will choose whatever path but in the end if it were me i wouldnt have sex with him and i would tell my friend.. but if you are going to do it as i said be protected or you could risk getting pregnant.. good luck aphex
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