A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:There's this guy who knows how to flirt really well with women...I don't think he's ever cheated, or that he's really a player, but he's good with getting women comfortable with him.So like everyone else I think I may be really starting to like him. I might fall in love with him one day...We haven't ^^^^ed yet because I didn't want him to take advantage of me. But I think I was lying to myself. He's always been attractive, and the sexual tension has always been there...I don't want to be a pump and dump...If I just tell him how much I like him will that make a difference? then we could really get to know each other. And have sex too obviously.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2016): There is no shortage of young guys willing to wait for sex & commit. There is only a shortage of girls who want those guys at your age.
You don't want to be pumped & dumped, but what kind of guy are you interested in right now? He's sexy and fun and he flirts with you and he just happens to be . . . a player. That is how this ALWAYS works.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2016): Thank you everyone!! And @ CindyCares . Especially for this:
"If he is a pump and dumper , he will self screen out himself , he won't have the patience to be attentive, caring, lovey dovey... and sexless for a couple of months and more."
I've always thought waiting for sex was a stupid idea, but you made me see it in a new light. For boys my age, even making them wait a few weeks is ridiculous to them. Thank you so much.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2016): If he propositions you, tell him that you do not believe in having casual sex. He will say, "What do you mean?" Then you will have to explain, which means that you will have to know what casual sex is. Do some searching on that. You will find that a lot of people say that "there is no such thing as casual sex", and that sex is best reserved for a committed relationship.
For a much broader discussion of what you are going thru, I recommend that you read the book called "A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills. It will be the best thing you ever did for yourself.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (26 February 2016):
I don't think telling him how you feel about him will make much of a difference - if DOES turn out to be a player (and tbh he sounds like a bit of one) then all you've done is show him that you're easy pickings.
I think telling him that you are looking for a relationship and not casual sex (and then not putting out until you are actually a monogomous couple) is a much better way to go.
But even that won't deter a really good player - and as ivyblue says, it's always a leap of faith and there are never any guarantees that you won't get hurt
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 February 2016):
 No, I don't think that if you tell him how much you like him that would reduce your risk of being a pump and dump.If he has in mind to pump and dump you, - do you think he would care a whit about what your feelings could be ?
It all depends from what you want. If you want a boyfriend, a relationship- go slow and proceed with caution. Get to know him, go on many no sex dates , find out if you are on the same page. In short- WAIT before having sex with him. Old fashioned advice but still very practical. If he is a pump and dumper , he will self screen out himself , he won't have the patience to be attentive, caring, lovey dovey... and sexless for a couple of months and more.
If you are more casual about things, more let's see how it goes,...if you don't have particular expectations... then just relax, go with the flow and have fun, like Ivyblue says. Yes, it may be a pump and dump. That's a risk that you accept if you want to dabble with casual things. "Casual " at times turns into something serious , at times is short lived but yet a positive, fulfilling experience, and other times ..is a pump and dump , and maybe not even that good, too . The trick is, never bet more than you can afford to lose, so if you have to bet your heart on it.... Ah yes, rereading your post I see that this,alas, would be the case : " I feel I may be falling in love with him "... Well, then the obvious advice would be : no, don't risk. If you don't want to have your heart broken- it's YOUR responsibility to make sure you only deal with people who would handle said heart with the utmost care and respect.
But yeah, go tell this to the hormones of an 18-21 woman, LOL :)
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (26 February 2016):
 "I might fall in love with him one day..."
Love and sex are 2 totally different things, so if your aim is to get a BF and actually fall in love, then you should postpone sex until he becomes your BF. You will likely never get a BF by flaunting sex first because uncommitted sex, in guys mind, means that you are incapable of being committed and faithful so that disqualifies you as a potential GF. As a result, he will just have sex with you because you give it, and that's all.
Typically, if a potential relationship does not show possible future then you should not bother with it. Assess if this guy wants a GF, assess if you can be his GF and sex will come all on its own.
Conversely, if all you want is sex, and he is uncommitted, then I don't see much barrier for him to have sex with you, however, I doubt much else other then FWB could happen, in which case you could be just strung up and likely never get a BF out of him.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (26 February 2016):
 Men and women alike, will do and say almost anything to get what they want. So of course there is the risk of, as you put it, being a plump and dump. It's just the risk you run unfortunately. It's early days, moments rather, so why not see it as taking advantage of a situation rather than being taken advantage of. If you like him and want to bonk him, then do so and have a good time. Just be mindful that sex may be all that is on offer. If something comes of it then bonus.
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