A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:There's a girl at my job who I'm very attracted to but things aren't really able to move forward the way I'd like. I'm not able to talk to her because I'm simply too nervous, and I'm sure I probably come off as rude now because when she's spoken to me in the past, my responses have been kind of rushed and lacklustre. It's like I'm coming off as if I'm trying to avoid her. I really just need help learning how to communicate with her. I just avoid her now because I'm worried about seeming even more standoffish, however if she sits by me I can't bring myself to say anything which makes it worse. I've caught her staring at me quite a few times before so I think there may be some level of interest, but who knows. Maybe I'm just overthinking everything. I just need an answer to this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Blod  +, writes (27 February 2016):
 Try not to worry too much. Yes, it does sound like you're over thinking it but a lot of people get nervous when it comes to making conversation - they just hide it well. I think there are a few things you can do to communicate better with her.
First of all, always say 'hi' and give her a smile if you happen to pass her. That way you will come across as polite and friendly.
When she sits next to you, ask 'how's your day going?' Ask a few questions leading on from what she says, whether that's to do with her job, what she's doing later that day, or her interests. And if she asks about your day, tell her what you've been up to and what you've got on for the rest of that day. If you can identify something that you both have in common - bonus!
Generally, I'd say to just listen to her and quiet the noise in your head. If you're worrying about what to say next, you will struggle. So the key is to listen, because then you will calm and respond naturally. Your confidence will grow with time.
If you've caught her eye a few times, then she may be pleased when you show more of an interest in her. And that will only help you with your communication.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 February 2016):
 The key to making someone think you are a brilliant conversationalist is to ask them all about them!
"Hey, how is your day going?"
"What do you think about xyz music act?"
"Have you heard about lmnop play/poetry jam/rock climber/sports nonsense yadda yadda yadda.
I think the issue you need to tackle isn't learning how to communicate with her.
Do you have good friends you can practice simple conversational styles with? A guy or girl who has your back?
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (25 February 2016):
 Shes probably as nervous as you, I hope with that mindset you can relax because if shes stealing glances at you, shes thinking and wondering if youre interested and just shy or/ you dont like her.Just relax, take a deep breathe, and talk about the work you have in commmon. Maybe grab lunch but take this all very slow. YOu dont need to pretend to be very friendly either if that doesnt feel honest. Just be genuine and sincere and at least show interest in the conversation (if not her right off the batt), women need to know that youre intentions are clear and honest and that if you like her, youre willing to show it honestly.A good person will always take the nervous shy person with good intentions than the charming, sleezebag. Take a deep breathe and just smile at her. Good luck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 February 2016):
 Yes you are overthinking a simple conversation with her. You need to get more confidence in yourself. Remember there is nothing scary about her, she is just like you. You have her up on a pedestal, you need to take her back down and remember that she is also at your level.
Start by thinking positive and taking small steps. Be positive tell yourself that she wants you to speak to her, then practice daily what you are going to say to her in a mirror. Doesn't need to be complicated. Just smile at her say hello and ask her how her day is going. Just let the conversation flow naturally.
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