A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for three years and so far we only engage in oral sex. I havent been ready to go forward with full sex and he has been very understanding about this. However, now I am getting tired of being a virgin as I am 25 and its starting to feel odd. I know that I am technically not pure as I have engaged in oral sex but still I feel that penetrative sex is a big step and the deciding factor for virginity. Now my problem is the following: my partner is kind, loving, respectful and I do see a future with him. However, he has had sex before and I don't think he will see it as being special whereas I will as he will be my first. I DID ask him about this but he says it IS special because its with me and also he hasn't been with a virgin. Also he has had unprotected sex before and as a result has a child so its even worse as he has had unprotected sex (which I see as more intimate) BTW he is clean ( got checked before we started having oral sex as I am a bit overly cautious as I am virologist and my career is about infectious disease, viruses, bacteria and the like).So what do I do? Break up with him as I cannot get over the fact that he had sex first so therefore it wont be special. Just have sex anyway as my virginity is a burden and pointless at this point or just stay as we are?
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male
reader, J.T.1988 +, writes (5 August 2010):
 Wow, being a little hard on the girl don't ya think? Hey I know how ya feel.I'm a little younger but I know what your feeling, its like wow so you get me sooo when do I get my virgin? Well, you do what you have to sweetheart I wouldn't blame you either way.Just one thing, why would you want to be with someone who all ready has a kid when you haven't even had the chance to make love yet? Seems like you will be taking on an awful lot of baggage.
A
male
reader, N3m0  +, writes (5 August 2010):
i hope this can help at least a little bit. i could put myself in the guys position. because i had the past as him except for this child part. also as you say he does respect you and is kind. But also dont rush yourself. Do it when you feel comfortable if hes all that you say. he will be able to handle it until you are ready. It wil be important for him but not as much as you so always know that itll be script in your mind a little bit more than in his. also please dont scared but truthfully.. he might as sometimes imagine his(past) while hes with you. or maybe even wonder why you still havent had intercourse with him if you love him. He might also feel like he isnt doing enough on his part to make you feel comfortable without feeling that he's rushing you.
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A
male
reader, N3m0 +, writes (5 August 2010):
i hope this can help at least a little bit. i could put myself in the guys position. because i had the past as him except for this child part. also as you say he does respect you and is kind. But also dont rush yourself. Do it when you feel comfortable if hes all that you say. he will be able to handle it until you are ready. It wil be important for him but not as much as you so always know that itll be script in your mind a little bit more than in his. also please dont scared but truthfully.. he might as sometimes imagine his(past) while hes with you. or maybe even wonder why you still havent had intercourse with him if you love him. He might also feel like he isnt doing enough on his part to make you feel comfortable without feeling that he's rushing you.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (5 August 2010):
 Good gracious Ms. Virologist! What is going on in your head? Is it the scientist in you that keeps you referring to your boyfriend as your "partner?" You've been having oral sex (how intimate can you get?) for three years but no vaginal intercourse you say? This is suspect, in my book. Frankly if I were talking to your boyfriend I'd warn him about you. Stop with all this "I don't think it will be as special" stuff to him because he's not a virgin! He already assured you it would be "special" because it would be with you. Grow up and stop wearing your "virginity" like it was a priceless crown, you are 25 years old! What more do you want?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): Hun, Dont break up with him! You'll be hard pressed to find a man who has his qualities, and some1 that you love and loves you in return + ISNT a virgin. You know the old saying 'you cant have it all roads'
At the say time you have to respect your self and your beliefs, and from what i read he also respects what you want.
Sex is a wonderful thing and should be experienced and used to show the one you love thats you do indeed love them so. I think your putting too much pressure on yourself, and denying yourself something that could enrich your relationship.
Look, take it step by step. If your engaging in oral and it feels right, DO IT. He has been with you 3 years, its not like he's going to take off - he's obviously invested alot of time in you already. Just enjoy your relationship - who knows there may not be a tomorrow.... Good luck
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A
female
reader, Romani +, writes (4 August 2010):
As a virologist you should be a very smart woman. However, the question you ask is slightly immature. why would you break up with him yet say you see a future with him?? Honey, it's the year 2010 and he has stayed with you 3 years without sex! Doesnt that matter to you??? Most men would have BOLTED by now! Men LOVE virgins- and yes it will be special for him . You will be HIS woman! Sex is amazing when 2 people who love eachother engage in it. If your not ready to take the leap don't do it- but don't complain either.
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A
female
reader, Romani +, writes (4 August 2010):
As a virologist you should be a very smart woman. However, the question you ask is slightly immature. why would you break up with him yet say you see a future with him?? Honey, it's the year 2010 and he has stayed with you 3 years without sex! Doesnt that matter to you??? Most men would have BOLTED by now! Men LOVE virgins- and yes it will be special for him . You will be HIS woman! Sex is amazing when 2 people who love eachother engage in it. If your not ready to take the leap don't do it- but don't complain either.
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A
female
reader, Traycie +, writes (4 August 2010):
You and your bf have been together for yrs and if he hasnt pressured you into sex then he is one hell of a guy. Your bf will think having sex with you is very special because he is so in love you and you mean the world to him just because he lost his virginity it doesnt mean having sex with you wont be special to him. In fact havin sex witn you will be very special to him because of how much love you guys for each other.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Lose ur virginity bc u feel that he is right and that u truely love him..Hold true to ur morals..dont lose sight of them. I cant tell u enough how much that doesnt exist in our modern world. Now, if this guy has been with u for 3yrs and no intercourse when he says its special he means it. Because what guy will wait around for a woman who wont have sex with him? Good luck finding a guy who's a virgin unless he's a Jonas Brother or he's very religious. Ur going to have to get over the fact he's had sex, if he's come this far and has been faithful to u, respects ur decision then he is worth it.
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