A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am still in love with my ex husband and I am remarried. We have done a lot to hurt each other in the past. We were young when we got married and he cheated the whole time. I know I am not happy in my marriage now, but I have several things holding me back from divorce. I am a stay at home mom and I have another child with my new husband. My husband now also adopted my child with my ex husband. I also have herpes. Right before I married my hubby now, I was raped by a neighbor and I was tested for diseases with a rape kit. Then I got married to my hubby now and 2 months after we were married, my hubby showed a breakout of herpes. The doctor didn't diagnose him though cause it was an er visit. Then 2 yrs after that, I had a break out and was diagnosed with herpes. I don't know if I got it from my neighbor who raped me or if I got it from my husband now. I don't want to give it to my ex let alone tell him I have it, but I sometimes despise my husband now because I wonder if he is the one who gave it to me. I am not in love with my husband now either. I do have a certain love for him but not the same as I feel for my ex husband. Please help me. I don't know if I should get out or stay until my kids are older and understand more. And I don't know if I should ever have a sexual relationship with anyone else even though there are ways to prevent spreading herpes. What do I do? I don't want to hurt my kids but I feel stuck and I feel alone. Please Help!
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a break, divorce, herpes, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, nicolexue +, writes (11 January 2008):
 Do not infect someone else, maybe Herpes dating site is good for you. Why not try STDromance.com? My friend LIsa has found a guy there
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): Oh Thank you so much! It really helps to know that I am not alone feeling trapped. Thanks for the encouraing words. I really was down because I have so much on my shoulders and I just don't want to think irresponsibly. Well, thanks again!
Truelly and sincerely!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): Hey dont let what the first person said get you down. You havent acted upon these feelings which shows immense maturity, this site is filled with ppl who's lives have been destroyed by those who do act upon impulses before thinking things through properly.
You will always have a bond with your ex because of your son, that is understandable.
Please dont worry about the herpes thing too much,if you were ever to move on as long as you dont have any sexual contact with anyone whilst having a breakout you wont pass the virus on. I caught genital warts off my ex and i stupidly thought i'd have to stay with him forever because i was too ashamed to admit to a new partner i'd caught the virus and as we both had it we couldnt pass it on. Safe sex is always the answer.
Good luck hun, xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): Thanks for the answer anonymous! Yes I never had an outbreak until 2 yrs after we were married. He had a lot of outbreaks though before I did but we thought it was something irritating his skin. And as for my ex, yeh I guess I just never got closure and I will always be connected to him because of our son together. I am only in my 20's! I just don't want to hurt my husband now because of those feelings I still hold for my ex. Yeh ppl aren't perfect. I am very mature btw, if I wasn't I wouldn't be asking for advice, I could be immature and unthoughful and leave. But that isn't what I want. I have built a life with my husband now and I just have these feelings that I don't know what to do with. I will probably seek counseling! Thanks a lot!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): I would contact your local sexual health clinic with your concerns over the herpes,if you have never had a break out of herpes until after your husband did then there is a possibility you may have caught them from him. The herpes virus is like a coldsore a person has to have the virus live and present to be transfered to the other partner, you cant get it if there are no sores or blisters present when you make love or have foreplay. Usually the first instance of herpes is the worst so if you had caught it from the terrible incident with your neighbour then about two o three weeks after you would of had a terrible break out.
Like i said though for your concerns over this check with your local clinic.
You obviously still have feelings for your ex husband and you need to address these feelings because your present marriage is never going to work if you are still in love with your ex. Good luck.
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