A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi cupids. Im 18 now and id prefer if i werent prejudged but when i was 14 i fell pregnant to an older man who was abusing me for 2 years 12-14. When i fell pregnant i spoke to a lovely lady nurse about what had been happening and she helped me through, he is in prison, i had counseling and although i didnt want a baby, i miscarried and it affected me massively. Well i can honestly say im fine, i can speak about it now and i feel okay, although only a selected handful of close people know. So im 18 now and for over a year ive thought about nothing but having a baby, i want nothing more, i have a friend with a 3 month old son, the more i see him.. The more i want to me a mum. Ive come off the pill already.. I am to the point where i want to be a mummy by next Christmas! Its not just broodiness, its genuine.. I don't have or want a partner ive been single for just over 7 months. I live alone in a 1 bedroom and an attic terrace. I work full time earning about £1000 a month and i know i can afford to raise a baby, i can give it a loving home and i want to. I thought it was just a lonely feeling at first so i got a puppy, its not changed a single thing! My main question is, would you recommend a one night stand to get pregnant? Or can anyone offer me any advice?? Thanks for reading, means a lot.
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christmas, in jail, older man, one night stand, the pill, want a baby Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmight just have a couple and turn yo benefits! Gets some spiteful people out of the country! Maybe when you'd been thtough what i have, you might understand. Ive been through the first stages of pregnancy! I know what i want. But thanks anyway for judging.
Thankyou genuinley to the ones who were polite and offered me some nice advice to think about!x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): first thing you need to know is get into a relationship, not a one night stand.The dad will want to be in his kid's life The kid will ask who his\her dad is. I'm sorry about what happened to you, i really am, but don't go baby crazy. Take it easy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): How selfish, I'm with Chigirl and Eyeswideopen on this.
Assuming it's the full story, I'm sorry that you were abused and hope that you can find a way of finding happiness in your life, but there is a lot you haven't considered here about the life of the baby, his/her father and much else besides.
You also contradict yourelf, Its genuine, you just want to be a mum not just broodiness, that'll be broodiness then!
How would you keep your job? you'll need more than £1k a month to have a home and raise a family even if you do keep your job expecting the taxpayer to foot the bill makes me happy I'm leaving the country!
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reader, Battista +, writes (15 January 2011):
Apart from all the other good points here, if you earn £1000 a month you are going to have a VERY hard time raising a child, unless you want the state/taxpayer to cough up for it of course.
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reader, mark89  +, writes (15 January 2011):
First you should try dating maybe what you need is someone to talk to and make you laugh, if after trying dating you still feel lonely you maybe need a family not just a baby maybe a husband or a girlfriend.
But dont get pregnant you could regret you choice later in your life
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 Good point eyeswideopen, I was thinking the same thing, but forgot to add it in my post.
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 January 2011):
 If all you care about is yourself and don't give a rat's ass about your baby then go ahead. And you'd better hope he/she won't ever have any medical problems because not knowing the father's medical history plus knowing his entire family, you might seriously limit some major life-saving procedures that could possible help your child. Finding donors amongst family is much easier than among strangers. Think about your child's welfare rather than yourself, that's what REAL mothers do.
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reader, chigirl +, writes (14 January 2011):
Well... it would be a perfect set up wouldn't it? And I assume you plan on not telling the father, or even remembering the fathers name. Which would suit you fine. But, there is a but. Is it fair? Is it fair on the guy who wouldn't know he has a child? Or would it be fair to trick him into becoming a father, and potentially ruin his life, and his plans? Not that he'd be any less guilty as you'd need him to not want to wear protection, so he would be to blame too, but even so. Is it fair?
Is it fair on your child? When your child grow up, as much as you could give it all it needs... it will ask about the father. It will want to know. It will have a desire to get to know their father. Is it fair on your child that they will never know? And then what if the child tracks down the father.. and the father is married to a woman, and they have children together? Then that entire family will be struggling because of your desire to have a child.
It is a bit selfish to want a child just for yourself. It would work, yes, but is it fair? And would you be able to live with that? Would you be able to deal with it if your child wont have anything to do with you once they find out that their father was nothing but a sperm donor? Not that it will happen, but there is a good chance it will.
Im thinking like this because I too want a child and have often wondered about just going out and have a one night stand. It's all too easy. But what's stopping me is.. is it fair? I don't think it's fair on the father, or the child. Another thing is that I really want to be with a man that wants to have a child with me, and that we make it together. I want to experience that, making babies, and both knowing about it, and having it be something to share with the father. It would be special to be able to do that, and experience that. And that's why I wont go out and have a one night stand, or just "accidentally" get pregnant. I want that special moment when you make love to your partner for the purpose of having a child.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): Hey ! I have the Baby fever too :) I'm very sorry to hear about the terrible times you have seen, but its incredible and great how you've pulled yourself out of it. Thumbs up !So that proves one thing, You'll be a strong and a good Mother :)But if having a baby means so much to you, then why not wait to have it with the right person ? You'll feel complete and so nice. You're just 18 and so not short of anytime...just wait it out, you'll find someone for sure :)Just a suggestion...hope it triggers a thought :) :)
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reader, angelDlite +, writes (14 January 2011):
 hi
i am so sorry to hear whats happened to you :(
you say you're ok, but i can't help on reading your post that you are not ok at all. you are very young and you have years yet to have a baby, why do you feel it has to be now?? i mean REALLY ask yourself why. yes you are biologically the perfect age to have a baby but you are not at the right stage in your life i think. are you close to your family? would you have their help and support? if you had a baby, you could not work full time or if you did decide to it would cost you a fortune if you had to pay for child care. have you thought about childcare arrangements? you may have to stop working. being a single parent is damned hard and lonely work! i don't know anyone, especially anyone as young as you that would CHOOSE to do this. do you not want to have a relationship with anyone now? i know you said you had counselling but maybe some MORE counselling would help you. give very careful consideration to your reasons WHY you want to do this. and no, a one night stand is a terrible idea, aside from the risks that unprotected sex would bring, you would then have a child who grows up not knowing their father and his family and i don't think that's fair.
xx
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reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (14 January 2011):
 As a mother its very hard to raise a child on your own and you said you have a job to support having a child, but without a partner you will be paying someone else to watch/raise your child while you are at work. Are you okay with that?
There are a lot of things to consider, especially when another life is involved. Are you ready to be a mother? Fully? Because once you have children it isn't about you anymore, not about partying or doing what you want when you want to do it, the baby comes first and most teenagers I know go through the same thing at some point (wanting a baby) and those who go through with it too early regret it and some resent the baby.
I wouldn't recommend a one night stand to get pregnant. It's not a guarantee that ydu will get pregnant, how will you know if that person is clean and if that person finds out he got you pregnant how can you be sure he won't want custody or want to see the baby?
Have you considered artificial insemination? I think your best option would be to wait. I do not regret having my son, but for his sake I wish I would have waited til later on in life to have him ( I had him when I was 18) as his life would be more stable.
Get back to me on this okay. Very big decision, one that shouldn't be taken lightly. You sound really genuine though.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): no no no no no. not fair on the man or the baby. Im sure youre a lovely person but im gonna say what i always do to people in this situation. its kinda selfish to think you are enough for a baby. its one thing to be a single parent sue to faled relationship. but to do soon purpose, im sorry, seems extremely selfish. I want a baby. soso much. but i know i am not in the right circumstances right now. for one thing, like you, i lack a father. so i have accepted i am just going to have to wait a little while.
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reader, faenon  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 One night stand to get pregnant? No not ever. The risks of STI's far outweighs your poor view on pregnancy from a once night stand.Your young you have plenty of time to be a mother enjoy the time you have where you can go to a pub/club party/drink before settling down reason I say this for is once your 19 with a 1yr old the chances of doing those things is out the window raising a child is a fulltime responsibility it is indeed broodiness and it seems like you haven't thought this through maturely properly either. you work fulltime whats going to happen once the child is born your own parents going to be looking after it childcare? is your work going to be able to give you ample part time hours or not at all.More so give yourself time to find a decent chap to settle with as well.
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reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 The short answer is No! The long answer is complicated
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