A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and he asked me recently do I want to have a baby with him. He already has 2 kids already and I told him if we do decide to kids and if we're still together maybe within the next 1-2 years. The mother of their children really isn't in the kids lives at all she has visitation only once every 2 weeks. I will be graduating college in 4 weeks and I do have a job ready for me when I graduate. He agreed to it and he really wants to have another kid. I really love him but should I wait until his kids are a little older before we decide to have a child together? And both of his kids are under the age of 1. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): NO!!! You should ask yourself just why this man wants to have another baby, only this time with you.
Think about it: he has been dating you six months (a very short time) and has 2 children under 1 year old. That means he was impregnating the mother around the time he started dating you.
If she is not in the picture at all, seeing them once every two weeks, then who IS raising them? Him? He might simply want a mother figure for his kids.
You, on the other hand, are about to graduate, have a good job lined up. That's where your focus needs to be at this point.
Don't walk into this trap!
A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (25 March 2009):
 Wow. As the other aunt said, 2 kids under 1 year, been with you 6 months? Wants yet another baby? Something isn't right here. You guys are VERY early in your relationship when you are still infatuated. Wait until you pass that phase before thinking about having children.
Also, if there is doubt in your mind as to whether or not you should have his child, then you shouldn't. If there is question, then your not ready!
I know this may sound harsh, but going on the time frame of his two kids and wanting another child with another woman, he sounds like one of those guys who just wants to spread his seed. And trust me, you don't want to be with a guy like that.
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A
female
reader, DreamQueen401 +, writes (25 March 2009):
 It's best to wait until you're married!
If you're already 18...you're "Your Own Boss" and can do whatever you want! because you're not a child anymore, even though you might be in collage!
But anyway! the answer is no, not unless you're married
The answer is yes at some point of times...
But if you won't really want to, but he does! then the answer is no, that seems fair, because you're the one who will have it, so it's up to you
So the answer could be... NO!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 March 2009):
 WAIT A MINUTE.
First, what is with this sentence. "both of his kids are under the age of 1." Unless their mother is a fast breeder, how can this be unless they are twins in which case why not simply say so?
They are UNDER 1, and you are together for 6 months. So less then 6 months after their birth, he split of with the mother and hooked up with you.
This sends up a red flag that the north korean's wouldn't be ashamed to have on their border.
I would seriously question this guys motives. 2 babies and want a third so soon with another woman? Something is wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): Don't have his child. First of all, a man has to marry you before you start having his kids. Why is he in a hurry to have a child with you when he clearly had kids with another woman who isn't there for the kids.
To me it sounds like he's trying to trap you and make you the mother to his kids.
You are about to graduate from college, and you have a job waiting for you. Concentrate on you and your career. He needs to be worrying about his kids and not trying to have anymore kids.
Don't have his child.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (25 March 2009):
 I think that if his children are already without a mother, thenhe needs to focus on being the best parent he possibly can be for them, rather than bringing another baby into the mix.
You are still young, and if you love this guy and accept his children as yours, then great. Personally, I think you are in a rough transition in your life right now and there are jsut so many things to think of.
Does your future job have a probabtion period for health benefits? If you get pregnant before that probabtion is up, they may not cover it as a preexisting condition.
If you can't get health benefits right away, does he have any? and would you two be getting married so taht you can partake in them? If you aren't getting married, can he file you as a doemstic partner to cover the costs?
How much responsibility for his two children will you be taking on? If one is still an infant, only several months old, then can you handle two babies and a toddler by the time you have this baby?
I think you should jsut focus on graduating and getting settled intot his job. If you two know that you would like a baby together, then there should be no problem with waiting. No need to bring extra stress into the relationship when you might not be able to handle it.
See how being a mom goes with his kids first. It will teach you a lot about yourself and waht you want out of being a parent. Get used to how your schedule will work around theirs, and then ask how a newborn would fit in. You only have 2 hands.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (25 March 2009):
 From what you have said it sounds like he wants another child (I'm guessing he might be older than you if he already has 2 kids) whereas you dont sound sure about the whole thing. Which leads me to say that no you shouldnt have a baby with this guy, not now and not for a good few more years.
Congratulations on graduating and having a job waiting for you, that is a great position to be in. I feel that now your life is going somewhere and you have a career ready to embark upon, you need to wait a few more years before you think about having a family. If you decide to have kids now, or in a years time, your employer will not be pleased because you will be taking time off for maternity leave - if they get annoyed by this then your job is not safe/guaranteed for you when you get back.
I think you need to focus on your career and spend some time just being young (and enjoying the money having a job brings!!). A child is a huge responsibility, and financially very draining. If your partner already has 2 kids then I'm pretty sure he will struggle to support a third, therefore you will end up having to front most of the money for your baby.
If this guy loves you and wants to be with you forever then he wont mind waiting to have a child, a child will bring joy to his life whether it arrives now or in 5 years time. Why is he so desperate for a child anyway? He already has 2 kids so what is the rush for him to have another? I would be a little worried if I were you as towards his reasons for wanting so many kids - does he want to be one of these guys who has 10 kids with 6 different mothers to his children?
Dont let him pressure you into something you are not ready for - you are right in having your concerns. His children do need to be older before the two of you have a baby, 2 kids under the age of 1 must be so much hard work therefore bringing another one into the world would just put too much of a strain in your relationship.
Give it a few more years, his kids will be older and you will have settled into your job. You will have more money and you will be closer to being ready for the responsibility a child brings. For now, enjoy life! You are still so young and should living life to the full without too many cares! And enjoy the money your new job brings for yourself first, that first pay packet should be going on lots of nice treats for you!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): If your questioning like this then your not ready yet. Wait till YOUR ready!
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A
female
reader, Lady Macbeth +, writes (25 March 2009):
If I were you, I'd wait a little longer. If he loves you, as he should (!) he will respect how you feel and not push you. Whatever you decide to do, you should not agree to have a child with him because he wants it - you must both want it and both be prepared for the life-long responsibilities which come with it.
Your life will never be the same if do have a child - remember that! You must really love this guy with your whole heart and being, before you bring a child into the world created by you both.
Do not give into pressure.
As far as his kids are concerned, they are at a very tender age, and need to know that their dad, and you as his partner, love them and will always act in their best interests. It's your decision and his, as to whether giving them another brother or sister will be good for them at this stage.
Hope that helps! Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 March 2009):
 In a nutshell...NO
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