A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This might seem like a stupid problem, but i'd like some advice. A guy i know ( he's not really a friend, more like an aquaintance ) wants to go to the cinema with me tomorrow, to watch the new American Pie film. The thing is, there are lots of sexual scenes in the American Pie films, and i think it would be awkward watching this film with this guy, as he is just an aquaintance of mine, and it's probably better to watch this kind of film with a boyfriend ( i have a boyfriend, by the way, and i don't think he would be comfortable with me going to the cinema with this guy at all, especially if we watched this film! ). Also, this guy has said in the past that he finds me attractive. He even grabbed me and kissed me on the cheek once, without even asking me if he could kiss me!. I didn't have a boyfriend then though. I said i would go with him at first, as i didn't think i would feel uncomfortable at first, but now i am having second thoughts.Should i cancel ?. What do you think about this ?. I don't have any other friends that can go with me tomorrow, by the way, incase anyone was going to suggest it. I feel stupid for leading him on, as i have let him down with meeting before. I would like to meet him more and be his friend in a way, but when it gets close to the time that we are supposed to meet, i get really anxious and cancel on him.That's because i don't feel the same way about him that he does for me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Wow, this question doesn't really sound like it's coming from someone in the 26-29 year old age group.
A. You feel uncomfortable with this guy because he's indicated he wants more from you. So why go on what is essentially a date with him?
B. You have a boyfriend, why would you accept what is essentially a date?
C. You don't want to see a sexually charged movie with an acquaintance who has feelings for you, so why would you agree to go to this film with him?
Call him and tell him you don't really care to see the movie. Then go on to say, "I think the basic problem here is that I think you like me as more than a friend and I have a boyfriend. This just isn't appropriate, sorry. I have to sign off now. Bye."
If I were you, I'd do some research on boundaries and what appropriate boundaries are in a relationship and with friends. It couldn't hurt and it may help you navigate some of these issues with more grace in the future.
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 May 2012):
 It does not matter if you are going to see a G rated Disney flick... honey going to the movies with him is a DATE....
you have a boyfriend... why in the world do you think that a date with a boy that likes you is OK?
did you tell your boyfriend you are going out with him?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Strange way to put your question. Even if you were going to watch a Disney cartoon, you'd still be going on a sort-of-date ( one on one outing with a male friend who actually wants to get into your pants ) while you have a boyfriend who would not be pleased about it.
So, apologize, cancel the date, stop flirting and getting your kicks out of male attention which you are not willing to reciprocate... and if it really have to see American Pie tomorrow, go by yourself !, there ìs no shame in going to the cinema alone, and no law against it .
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (15 May 2012):
Strange way to put your question. Even if you were going to watch a Disney cartoon, you'd still be going on a sort-of-date ( one on one outing with a male friend who actually wants to get into your pants ) while you have a boyfriend who would not be pleased about it.
So, apologize, cancel the date, stop flirting and getting your kicks out of male attention which you are not willing to reciprocate... and if it really have to see American Pie tomorrow, go by yourself !, there ìs no shame in going to the cinema alone, and no law against it .
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 I agree with N91. Sexually charged movie isn't the issue here at all.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Just own up to it by telling him, "On second thought, I don't feel right going with you to see this film, I have a boyfriend, I don't want to lead you on by thinking it's a date. Thanks for the invitation, however I must decline."
Look what you're doing. You're going to hurt your boyfriend's feelings, and you're going to hurt this guys feelings by trying to just be friends with him when it's obvious he likes you. It's not fair to your boyfriend to be going out with other guys, and it's not fair to be leading on this other guy.
Stop getting yourself into these situations where you "feel bad" you've stood him up or feel anxious. Stop saying "yes" to his invites. Just you even responding to his invitations and texts is leading him on. I know you feel bad and don't want to be mean, but you have to be straight forward and direct.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (15 May 2012):
 If your boyfriend wouldn't be happy, then why are you going with him in the first place?
It's pretty evident that this guy likes you and from his perspective it's going to look like a date. Does he know you have a bf??
IMO, it'd be inappropriate for you to go and disrespectful to your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, Classyymess +, writes (14 May 2012):
Why would you go on an individual date with this guy if you have a boyfriend and don't feel comfortable. Just to be "nice" or because you like the attention? I have been in the same situation you have besides going to the movies bc I never hung out with this guy since he was always flirting with me and it would just seem like I'm interested when I have a boyfriend. I wouldn't go you're boyfriend will probably get angry and lose trust. What if a girl who's flirted with him in the past and still likes him asked him to go to the movies just them two. Seems like a date to me?
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