A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im 21 weeks pregnent with no family around me they all live in australia and my partner has decided to leave me and now wants nothing to do with my child and me i dont think ii can do this whole thing on my own so have recently thought about gettingrid of my baby althought deep down i dont want to i know im on my own and with no helpas i have looked into getting rid of my child i rang an abortion center and they said i have 2 weeks to decide before its to late, and i would have to stay over night there during a course of to days at the center im not sure what really goes on if i go ahead of getting rid has anyone got any idea of what will happen if i do or of any advice ????
View related questions:
abortion Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 I am VERY pro choice... but not at 21 weeks.
I know if i was 8 weeks pregnant I could have an abortion in a second. I could NOT do it at 21 weeks and I'm a cold hearted bitch... truly... it's very hard for me to form attachments... and yet at 21 weeks I would be so totally attached to my baby...
I would strongly ask you to get some counseling and therapy and full disclosure education on this late term abortion option BEFORE you make the choice.
You could give the baby up for a closed adoption if you decide not to go through with the abortion but don't feel you could raise the child....
I wish I had better answers for you. I'm sorry you have to go through this alone
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): I had an abortion at 18 weeks it tore me apart. Never.wait.this long
...............................
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (29 November 2011):
 pps
You say all your family is in Australia - but have you told them about the baby? I think if they knew they might try to help.
What about friends? What about your partner's parents/family? They would probably also want to help.
If you just speak up - eg, go to your doc and say how you are feeling - you'll be surprised how many people will be kind and help you.
Also: if you say deep down you don't want an abortion - don't believe you would ever feel better afterwards - only worse. Abortion is a one way street. There is no coming back, however hard you wish it. And you would have the whole rest of your life to wish it.
So go the happy and positive way. Forget about abortion - it is not the answer. We can help you on this site to find people to support you, and give you advice about how to cope and how to go forwards. That is what we should be doing for you right now. You need to rule out other options and just focus on how you and your baby can go forwards now, together. You will be so proud of yourself, and your son or daughter will love you forever for being strong and having faith and letting them live - I can totally promise you that.
...............................
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (29 November 2011):
ps
and if Shadow Rose is worried about you getting depression - well, the risk is far higher with having such a late abortion. I had an early abortion and suffered depression, anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder - AND STILL DO, 21 years on.
I am telling you, you have no idea how bad you will feel. I have two children, and I think I can say - abortion is unspeakably bad, and having children is lovely.
You will of course cope with a baby.
You very well might not cope with an abortion.
That is the bottom line.
...............................
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (29 November 2011):
It will be monstrous, will scar you emotionally and possibly physically for the rest of your life, and how bad you will feel afterwards, and how upset, is indescribable.
But of course, it is a choice. Your choice is:
Have your baby, draw strength from her/her as they grow, love the baby, get lots of support from your doctor and from other organisations that are here exactly to help people in your situation ... and then be a mother, always with your baby to love and to love you, and build on your life and move on.
Or
Go through a horrific surgical procedure and kill your baby (who is now moving, feeling, everything - babies born at 21 weeks can actually live - well, they are totally alive inside you, and can even live outside the womb with a lot of support). I say 'kill' your baby, because the baby sometimes comes out alive, and they have to literally kill him or her in the operating theatre. The other thing they do (you should know) is awful things like crushing their skull to kill them before they are out. I can hardly write these things. It is unspeakable.
But it is a choice, of sorts. For me it wouldn't be a real choice, because the surgical option would be too horrific, and not just going through it, but what you would be doing - if something is alive before you start, and dead when you finish, am not sure how else it can be called apart from killing.
I feel SO sympathetic and sorry you are in this situation of being so alone ... but remember:
- You aren't alone really - your baby depends solely on you from here on in, for his or her little life
- You will get lots of support if you only just once go to a nice female doctor and explain how you're feeling and how you need some help
- Your boyfriend, the baby's father, may have gone off now - but I would put money on it that he will probably come back later if you stay pregnant, and he will for sure want to see his baby
Lovey, abortion is presented as some kind of option where everything goes away and it is all ok ... but sadly that isn't what happens. It doesn't go away. In my opinion, you're just left in an even worse situation than before.
The reason why it is so bad to do it at this late stage is because the baby is so much a little person already - can even hear you when you talk, laugh, etc. See this extract below from a baby site:
Your baby now weighs about 360g and is about 27cm long. Your baby’s eyebrows and eyelids are fully developed, and he can now blink.
our baby can now hear your conversations. If you talk, read, or sing to your baby, expect him to hear you. You could try your own little experiment. Some people think that newborns respond when read to from a book they heard frequently in the uterus (womb). If you want to, pick a book now and read it out loud. Make sure you won't mind reading it over and over once your baby is here. You never know, it may be your baby's favourite bedtime story for a long time after birth!
PLEASE do private message me if I can help in any way. I am giving you my honest opinion about what will make you feel best, quite apart from any thoughts about the baby. You do have a way out of this, and it will be a wonderful one - love your baby, and allow yourself to see his or her face. Do you know, they can even tell you now if you have a girl or a boy, just from a scan?
I suggest you go and have a scan, and bond with your baby. He or she has only you. Don't blow this.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): It is YOUR choice and yours alone. Do what you feel is right.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): Most people I know have a 20 week ultrasound. Anyone who has had an ultrasound will tell you how amazing it is to see that that baby is, well, actually a baby already. At that point, the baby weighs about 1 pound. He or she looks like a small doll. The baby can kick and move around. The organs are mostly developed and just need to grow and get stronger. The baby has already been able to feel pain for weeks. I am sorry you have found yourself in such a difficult decision. I just think it's really important that those considering abortion really know what they're doing. I'll keep in you my prayers that you find a way to make things work.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): It is so late in your pregnancy, you are over half way there are you sure this is something you could live with? At this stage the baby can hear, can react to sounds and touch, and is fully developed and would be considered viable if born in just a couple weeks, meaning he or she could live if born then. Do you know if you're having a boy or girl? I am guessing prior to you bf leaving you were preparing for this baby and even excited about the arrival, that shouldn't change because he hasn't grown up and decided to leave. It's a scary time for you, and I wish you the best!
...............................
A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (29 November 2011):
 Do what YOU feel is right. I'm pro choice for a reason. It's NEVER right for someone to make such a huge decision for you, and so the only thing you can do is think about it, and decide.
Ask yourself:
Are you ready for a baby?
Do you think you are a motherly person?
What do you see that thing inside of you as? A person, or a potential person?
What does your religion, if any, say?
Can you afford a baby on your own?
Do you care if your baby will potentially look like him if you let it be born?
Can you deal with depression, were you to get depressed?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): Ive never been against abortions i think everyone has a right if they are not ready. I wouldnt wanna bring a baby into the world if I wasnt ready. But the fact that deep down it seems you really dont want to, you might live to deeply regret it. Abortions have messed a few of my friends up pretty good, and considering how far along you are it might be worse. I didnt think they allowed abortion after three months.. Ultimately its your decision you have to do whats right for you. Just make sure you think it through you dont want to do something you may regret forever
...............................
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (28 November 2011):
In my humble opinion, the fact that you are referring to your pregnancy as a 'baby' and 'child' means you are already somewhat emotionally attached to it. I feel very strongly that if you opt to terminate at this point in your pregnancy, you could deal with severe depression and feelings of guilt for years to come.
If you, at any point during your pregnancy, wanted to see your baby born, I feel you need to talk to a counselor who specializes in working with women who are faced with difficult decisions like your own. Perhaps you could consider adoption, or perhaps you will decide on a termination...whatever you choose, you have two weeks left to make an educated and informed decision.
I wish you the best! Do what your heart tells you is best for all.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): I only support abortion when incest/rape has occured, or if it will pose a health risk for the mother as the Mothers life should be paramount.Other than that I have the stance that consequences are set in stone that a penis ejecting sperm into a womb can and often will result in pregancy without proper measure to prevent unwanted pregnancy.You already feel hesitant about its not something you want to resort to or do so that tells me at your core; you are not morally wanting to abort this baby.I've known teens and adults who have had abortions and the after effects of guilt, depression, sorrow, even body complications are just as real and are often downplayed. One girl, now woman, still struggles about it all and I wish she would forgive herself already. I feel for her.So having said that, what are adoption options? Who do you have as friends as support? What support groups are avaiable, single Moms?? Start looking into those options as well as abortion so you are better prepared to make a clear choice.http://www.baaf.org.uk/http://www.bpas.org/bpaswoman.php?page=123
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (28 November 2011):
 In the second trimester they will use the dilation and evacuation method. They inject with a chemical killing the fetus and then go in with suction, sucking the remains out. If the fetal tissues are too tough then they will use intact dilation and extraction. In which they will partially pull the fetus thru your cervix, go in surgically sniping the fetus's skull, using suction to remove the brain. The head collapses allowing the rest of the baby to pass.
Why are you waiting so late in your pregnancy to decide what to do?
Could you put the baby up for adoption?
The decision is yours alone to make, but you must make it soon because the clock is ticking..and you've already wasted some time. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): I just want to say that I am pro-choice, not because I agree with abortion but because I think there are circumstances where it needs to be in the mother's hands not the laws. That being said, I think you need to really think about this choice as it will affect you for the rest of your life. I was 17 when I got pregnant with my beautiful (now 14 year old) daughter. My boyfriend left me, my parents kicked me out, I had no place to live and also thought about the same thing you are. After talking to an abortion clinic I realized I could not do that, even if it meant my life would be easier, this was my CHILD I was talking about. When she was born and I saw how incredibly amazing and perfect she was nothing else mattered anymore. She has grown into an awesome young lady and I have to say my life would be nothing without her!! There is always adoption to think about too, then you wouldn't have to live with the guilt you would feel over abortion. But since you sound like this is not something you really want to do I have a feeling that once you feel that tiny life move inside you for the first time you will be as in love with him/her as every other mother would be!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): I have no personal experience with abortion but I guess you must feel so rushed to be told you only have 2 weeks. I once heard someone say a beautiful statement about their view on abortion, I really wish I could remember where I read it to direct you there but I'll do my best at repeating it.
She wrote that she knew she wasnt ready for a child and was contemplating abortion but worried if it wad right .'one night she had a dream that a little star was talking to her and she interpreted it as the soul of her unborn child, she knew then that her child would be ready for her whenever she was and that there was no need to worry about the abortion because she felt she had some connection with it's soul. She also went on to have another abortion years later as the timing was not still right for her but her belief was that when she chose to have a child that soul was ready and waiting. She made no attempt to conceal the tough decision but I felt she justified it in a simple and lovely way that made her experience easier. I was never judgemental of abortions as everyone has a reason and I am of no particular religion but I think such a simple thought can be comforting if you do have one.
You must do what is right for you in your life and if you feel bringing a baby into the world right now is not good for you or the baby then I think that is a noble decision to make. There is support available for after but it is a very brave and compassionate thing to do. You would not ever have to justify yourself to anyone if you do or don't go ahead because whatever you do, you will be doing in the best interest of you and the child and only you know the answer to that.
You could ask a GP to speak to a counsellor who you can talk to and they can just help you go through your thoughts on each decision and it might help you because they will be completely impartial. Just ask them to help you work through your emotions and thoughts so you can go away better prepared to make a decision.
Best of luck xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): Don't do it. U will regret it. U can do this on ur own!!! Be strong....
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 November 2011):
 You need to talk to the abortion clinic about details, as not many of them will allow a termination that far in to the pregnancy. So ring them up and ask them what the procedure will involve. I don't think it will be the pill they will give you, so my guess is that they will operate on you to remove the baby. Go and talk to someone to discuss this in full before you make your mind up. Because to me it sounds like you are unsure and if you terminate you may live to regret it then. You need to be sure you are doing the right thing.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): Oh honey,Don't do it this late in the pregnancy. The baby is so big already and it will hurt it unimaginably. If I were you just go through with it and give it up for adoption OR go back home if you can. Its just so late now, talk to your boyfriends parents, see if they can help you through the pregnancy. Remember, you are never alone. You have family in Australia, the government in the UK helps single mothers and you're at a great age range to have a baby (daddy or no daddy around!). Is your career stable?Just remember, right now you are pregnant and emotional. The baby is growing and the whole process is fatiguing. Talk to your family and his family. If he chooses to be a stupid boyfriend, let him, but talk to his family.It'll be ok. Remember everything happens for a reason. You are never alone. Lots of hugs!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): only you can make the final decision.
personally i think youre making a big mistake because i feel youre panicking at being left with the burden of sole child carer.
talk to someone before you really decide-maybe a personal friend. please dont make a rash decison you will live to regret. like i said you sound alone and in need of desperate support i wish you luck honey xx
have a look at the link and get the support and help you need. i will pray you make the right choice
http://www.wrc.org.uk/news/wrc_enews/abortion_support_network.aspx
...............................
A
female
reader, theaboo +, writes (28 November 2011):
 21 weeks is REALLY very late to get an abortion. You will probably have pretty serious physcial effects from it, like nausea, cramping and pain. Have you considered adoption?
...............................
|
